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Topic: This is why I exclude myself from people

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. AngelBear
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    AngelBear avatar
    5 posts
    4 September 2019

    So..my friend lives with me..(don’t think I can call her that because she never hangs out with me..anymore) i wanted to do something funny but whenever I’m around she’s either being in a bad mood or slightly Annoyed then I feel stupid for doing something that was meant to be funny and it gets ruined by a mood, this happens with people at school as well, I always sit alone now..I’m starting to think people don’t really like me..

  2. Soberlicious96
    Community Champion
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    10 posts
    4 September 2019 in reply to AngelBear

    Dear AngelBear,

    I'm sorry to hear of what you are going through with your friend right now. May I ask though why your friend is living with you, and not his or her own family? I am presuming you are quite young, as I assume is your friend?

    I only ask this because I too have a friend live with me and my family when we were teenagers. She had moved in with us because she had run away from home due to her parent's drinking and fighting all the time. It made her feel quite sad and appear quite moody. But she had been through a terrible ordeal, for a number of years, and was used to 'hiding in a shell' as a means of self protection.

    And the thing that really saddened me, was the way that the other kids treated both her and me. They said to me "Don't hang with her. She just cries all the time and she'll never invite you to her house." It wasn't until later on that I came to realise WHY she cried all the time, and why she never invited me to her house. Her house wasn't a 'home' at all. It was a place of violence and abuse.

    Her and I became best friends. We're a bit distant now, just because of life changes and stuff. But for a long time we were tight as anything.

    Sometimes people find it hard to talk about things that are unpleasant and painful. And I don't just mean her. Maybe you too have been a bit stuck for words, as to how to help your friend with their mood?

    Please know that you can come here to share as much as you like. Maybe you could tell us some more about your friendship, and how you came to have your friend living with you?

    Maybe you could check this page, which has some links on it:

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/young-people/helpful-contacts-and-websites

    In the meantime, take care. I'll be thinking of you. xo

    1 person found this helpful
  3. AngelBear
    blueVoices member
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    5 posts
    5 September 2019 in reply to Soberlicious96

    Soberlicious,

    She lives with me, because her mother didn't want her..but even she is happy somedays, she still gets annoyed whenever I try to be funny, maybe because shes "all grown up" and I'm still "childish.." I guess people just don't want me around because of that, I just don't understand..its so confusing how people just.."change". my teachers try to help me socialize, and I try, I don't know if I'm hanging out with the wrong people because somehow I start talking "crap" about another person. why would I do that?! I don't like drawing attention to myself!

    I don't like fighting either..its just best of I be alone, I'm not made fro friendships I guess..most of them are fake anyway..

  4. insertaname
    insertaname avatar
    10 posts
    5 September 2019 in reply to AngelBear

    AngelBear

    "You can choose your friends, but you can't change your family"

    I feel for you. People are absurd at times, there's days or moments where you think you've made a friend or got along with them and then they ignore you, or barely listen to what you're saying and more focused on what they want to talk about.

    I'm one of those people who doesn't exactly like jokes. They have to be really funny or hilarious that I nearly wet my pants. So it depends on what kind of jokes you use? I don't pick up on most everyday jokes because they're overused. Being funny is not childish! Being funny means you are one of those people, people go to because they are charismatic. Seriously! People like to hang out with outgoing, happy people like you.

    People are like chips... they come in different sizes, shapes, and kinds. Teachers are pushy people - try and find just one person you can "hang out" with to get the teacher get off your back.

    It's normal that people talk crap about people - but I would say that kind of relationship is toxic... you should be talking about other things like sports, tv shows, shopping.

    It might not be the wrong people but rather the wrong topic but if all they do is b*tch about people it's not worth being there... can you imagine what they might even be saying about you?

    Not all friends are fake - the real friends forever are just harder to find. I still haven't had that I guess only my SO.

    I hope I haven't offended you in any way

    J

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Soberlicious96
    Community Champion
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    10 posts
    5 September 2019 in reply to AngelBear

    Hi Angelbear,

    Have you asked her directly as to why she is in a bad mood or seems annoyed? Perhaps there is something she wants or needs to talk to you about, but is waiting for you to ask?

    Given that you said her "Mum didn't want her", I imagine, would be quite stressful for her and make her feel sad and rejected. Maybe you too are feeling a bit rejected because she doesn't laugh at your jokes, or is unable to appreciate your effort to engage with her.

    On another note, maybe you could think about taking up some sort of sport of hobby, and start to engage with other people that you share a common interest in? That way, friendship could well be a natural follow-on, or 'by-product' of the sport or hobby itself. Playing a sport is great for your mental health, as well as your physical health.

    And finally, although it's nice to be friendly with people, it doesn't necessarily mean that everybody is our actual friend. For example, I have two older sisters, but I am much better 'friends' with my middle older sister, than my oldest sister. My oldest sister, I feel, has always been a bit cold and distant from me. There's 6 years between us too, so when I was born, she was already in primary school. And when I got to primary school, she of course went on to high school, so yeah, I was always the 'baby' in her eyes.

    I do hope that you soon find a friend that you can connect with and have fun with. Like I said, maybe the key is to find a hobby or a sport; something that is a shared interest that you can focus on.

    Take care. Still here for you. xo

    1 person found this helpful
  6. IsaJett
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
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    3 posts
    5 September 2019 in reply to AngelBear

    Hi angel bear

    I also sometimes feel what you feel ...I think it is me too ..that people don’t want to hang out with me . But I really just want to say I get very frustrated too ..I feel I put in effort only to get nothing for my effort . I kinda now just entertain myself ..hahaha I can’t control others and what they do ...but I sure can make myself laugh and enjoy my own company . And it’s up to them if they want to join or they continue to gloat .

    We all make choices i guess ..and I refuse to let their own indecisions get me down , or make me feel like I am not good enough .

    Not sure if this helps you but at least I know someone is going through what I’m feeling ...maybe we can make each other laugh instead ...least we both can appreciate each other ..hahaha even through this forum ..hahah