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Topic: Need advise .I am really stress due to this.

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Friend2019
    Friend2019 avatar
    1 posts
    17 February 2019

    I am in love with a man.While working together at work place we both started liking each other but hardly talked to each other.Initially I was totally unaware of this but I gradually I started noticing that he likes me and I started liking him and it got intense by the time while seeing each other everyday but we hardly talked to each other once or twice.It sounds weired but this is the fact.There was always a lack of communication from his side.While doing bit of enquiry about him I found out he is a gay and was in relationship with someone for 15 years but no one at work know it.His behavior was bit different than others like lack of communication and bit quite side in his behavior .We have each other 's mobile numbers but never talked to each other .I messages him first time at his mobile and he blocked me and then unblock me and still checking my times on WhatsApp and following me during those times.I messaged him 2 more times to wish on New year but no reply from his sides but his behavior was same which shows he likes me but don't reply my messages.Now because I have left my previous company and joined an another company.The situation and bond between us is still same I can feel it but its really hard to communicate with him.I have tried couple of times.I can change my number but this is the only connection between us at this stage .And I am afraid t to loose this connection but it is hurtful and painful when he doesn't respond the messages but still shows he likes me .

    I am assuming it just his backound life stopping him to send me a message because according to him I don't know anything.And he doesn't know that I know everything and still feel the same about him but I can't tell him because he doesn't communicate with me.I want to talk to him or catch for coffee but how ?This is so hurtful.I don't know what to do ?

  2. PamelaR
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PamelaR avatar
    55 posts
    18 February 2019 in reply to Friend2019

    Hi Friend and welcome to our community.

    things are so difficult when one doesn’t communicate. We can read so much into body language. Sometimes we are right and sometimes we are wrong. I know I always have to have verbal communication so I can confirm my thoughts about what I think they think.

    It can be hard to build friendships when the other person is non communicative.

    Do you have anyone you can talk to about how you are feeling? E.g a close trusted friend or family member.

    Sometimes it also helps to talk to a health professional or counsellor. Do you see one? they can help us understand what’s going on in our own head and could give you tips on what you can do.

    hope some of this helps. Keep reaching out if and when you want to.

    Kind regards

    PamelaR

  3. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Croix avatar
    225 posts
    18 February 2019 in reply to Friend2019

    Dear Friend2019~

    I'm glad you came here, it is a puzzling and anxious time for you. Your situation will have been recognized by many here, trying to build a relationship with someone who does not talk is hard and can of course go two ways.

    From what you say doing the things you are doing now is not enough, OK you see you are being followed, but there is little else.

    In any friendship - or something deeper -the two people have to talk, for enjoyment, let each other know their thoughts, and umpteen other things. Without that there is a great temptation to 'imagine' what the other person is like, and that may be completely wrong.

    I know it will be a difficult thing to do, and the thoughts of a possible rejection very daunting, however do you think you might write a letter or email, setting out what you would like and asking how he feels about it - and does he want the same.

    Plain speaking may well help you both

    Croix

  4. BluBelle
    BluBelle avatar
    5 posts
    18 February 2019 in reply to Friend2019

    Hi Friend2019. I'm sorry to hear you are feeling hurt right now.

    I'm curious what sort of behaviour or actions your colleague has demonstrated to indicate their romantic interest, if you feel comfortable sharing? I do believe actions speak louder than words, however if this person is not communicating at all with you in real life or via messaging services, it could mean they are not seeking a relationship. Sometimes signals can be confusing, and if this person is gay then is it possible you are mistaking friendship or a working relationship for a romantic one? I say this as gently as possible, as I have definitely mistaken signals in the past that have caused me confusion and pain.