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Topic: My girlfriend doesn’t accept responsibility for her actions

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. Spec13
    Spec13 avatar
    1 posts
    19 May 2020

    Hi guys,

    I’ve lived with my partner for a year and a half now. She suffers from mental health issues which regularly requires me to take time off work to act as her carer. I’ve done all that I could reasonably do to assist her and support her over the last year and a half. I love her dearly and have done whatever needed to support her.

    But, I’m experiencing challenges and I’m needing advice. I have a good grip on my own mental health after a turbulent history, but I find that now I’m struggling to deal with my girlfriends lack of ability to accept responsibility for her actions or often, in-action. In her mind, nothing is her fault and she constantly blames others or myself for her misfortunes or mental health issues. I find dealing with her lack of accountability extremely taxing and often, I find myself incredibly exhausted from it.

    Why does her lack of accountability challenge me more than any other aspect of the relationship or her mental health issues, generally? What can I do to support her re this lack of accountability? How can I learn to better manage that myself?

    Thanks muchly,

    S.

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    7912 posts
    19 May 2020 in reply to Spec13

    Hi, welcome

    Your post Spec reminds me- that in a relationship there can be quirks that sometimes are part of general immaturity but not necessarily related to her mental health problems.

    In this case you are mainly concerned with her lack of accountability. This can be a trait that is more associated with lack of development imo, so it could be something she will grow out of.

    In term of dealing with any adverse behaviour there is of course counseling that I’d always recommend and there is trying some patience and wit with a “less is more” technique which is also using questions as a lever eg

    She denies she is responsible for an event

    ”do you really believe you had nothing to do with that”

    ”but as you were the only one there...who else could be responsible?”

    and so on. This makes the exchange engaging and she is left with solving the issues- sort of.

    To get an idea along similar lines

    google

    beyondblue topic wit, the only answer to torment

    also the following thread can help if you tend to argue

    beyondblue topic relationship strife, the peace pipe

    reply anytime if it helps

    TonyWK