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Topic: I was in two relationships. Now, I’m scared.

26 posts, 0 answered
  1. PurpleStars
    PurpleStars avatar
    13 posts
    12 January 2019

    I messed up.

    I was in two relationships until October or November. One was real, one was fake. The fake was with a 21 years old, 5 years old than me. I told him about my actual REAL boyfriend, how we were in a relationship BEFORE HIM AND I a while ago, I’m not sure when but I have. He hates my boyfriend.

    Just note that this fake relationship, this person doesn’t know it was fake. You might be asking, how was it fake? I never loved him, why would I? I built up a ‘relationship’ with him because he literally said it wouldn’t make him depressed if we weren’t together. I’m a nice person, I didn’t want him to be depressed. I put everyone else before myself. I didn’t look into the future, what would this do? It’s caused me depression and anxiety, PTSD and a lot of paranoia, I’m becoming anorexic too. Looks like I’ve been wrapped into this dark trap. I broke it off, like I said, now everyday I am scared, anxious and worried sick that he will hurt me because I made us break up. I’m so scared he will break me and my REAL boyfriend up. He’s very mean and vulgar now. Saying stuff like “I wonder what you’d feel like with your heart broken”, meaning that he wonders what would happen if my boyfriend and I broke up. I shouldn’t have even spoken to this man. I hate him. He’s scary. I regret even replying to his message. I don’t know what to do, who to talk to, nothing. I am clueless.

    I’ve told my amazing REAL boyfriend about this fake relationship, he forgave me. I am so thankful for this angel. He just said as long as you didn’t send nudes. I told him of course not, as my stomach would sink.

    I did, it’s child porn. I felt like I was forced to do so, he also sent videos of him. I am worried this MAN will use it against me, towards my boyfriend but I think he’s deleted them.. I hope.

    ”Why don’t you block him!?”. I’m scared he will attack me, hurt me.

    He lives on the other side of the country. He knows my address.

    I am so scared. I am so sorry I have made this stupid, pathetic mistake.

    I need help, advice. Anything. Please help me..

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Ggrand
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    Ggrand avatar
    27 posts
    12 January 2019 in reply to PurpleStars

    Hello PurpleStar,

    Welcome to the forums..

    Awe sweetheart I’m really very sorry that you went through all that..I really don’t have much advise to give you, but wrong choices are made sometimes and I’m sorry you did..It sounds like he tricked you into doing what he wanted to do..it’s not your fault...

    If anything I hope that I will bump your post up so someone with more knowledge than me will come and talk to you..

    Sweety, Child porn is wrong, this fake relationship person is old enough to know this, and your probably not the first he tricked into doing this..He could do it again to a younger child, I really think that you knowing where he lives and who he is..it’s going to be hard but I think you should report him to the police before he does this again to someone else....

    Your real bf is supportive of you and very caring, maybe you could sit down and tell him everything and he could go with you to the police...

    Kind thoughts,

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful
  3. PurpleStars
    PurpleStars avatar
    13 posts
    12 January 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Grandy, thank you.

    I am too anxious to go to the police, I don't want my parents knowing and I don't want them to become disappointed in me, I feel like they already are. I'm not the best daughter. I'm 16, no license, no job, no talents...

    As soon as I posted my forum, my stomach sunk. I was and AM scared he will somehow find this thread. He is so scary..

    I.. I don't know what to do. I'm sitting here on my computer, barely being able to see from my tears.. I've made the worst decisions.. For two years, I've done this to myself. I don't wanna be hurt. I'm sorry..

    I'm so scared.. I am so sorry..

  4. White Rose
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    White Rose avatar
    264 posts
    12 January 2019 in reply to PurpleStars

    Dear Purple Stars

    Hello and welcome. This is a safe site and I see no reason why this pathetic excuse for a person should try to contact you here.

    I am a grandma and I would be very upset if my 15 year old granddaughter was in this mess and was afraid to tell her parents or me. Parents chivvy their children around to get them to do their homework, be home by a certain time, clean their bedrooms etc, but when their children are in trouble they will act without blaming you. There are too many of these monsters around.

    No reason to think they will be disappointed in you. This piece of work has clearly enticed you into this mess and I believe you need your parents help now before you become overwhelmed by the problem. You are afraid and that is no way to live your life. Get one parent aside and tell them if you do not want to tell them together. But please tell them. Immediately. This is serious. Consider you may stop another girl from being enticed by this person.

    To get out of this mess you need to speak up. Your parents have no doubt realised you are not happy and will be wondering why. I know it's a hard thing to do and I hope you never have to do anything as hard again. So please collect all your courage together and tell mom and dad.

    I will leave this post now as I need to go out. I hope to hear from you soon saying you have told mom and dad.

    Mary

    1 person found this helpful
  5. PurpleStars
    PurpleStars avatar
    13 posts
    12 January 2019 in reply to White Rose

    I WANT to tell them..

    I get so anxious, scared and sick when I even think about it.

    I don't even know what to exactly say! I don't know what their reaction would be. Will they hate me? Will they reassure me? I don't know. I am so scared.

    I'm sorry that I'm replying and I haven't told them like you asked..

    I am going on holidays in 2 days, I'm worried something will happened during that time. I'll also be limited to my internet. I will barely be able to get it as I'm going on a cruise, so I can't keep up to date with you guys and the forum(s).

    Again, I'm sorry.

  6. White Rose
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    White Rose avatar
    264 posts
    12 January 2019 in reply to PurpleStars

    Dear Purple Stars

    I'm sorry if I frightened you in any way. Please accept my apologies. I am very concerned about your well-being. This forum is here to help people like you who are having difficulties in various ways. We offer support and suggestions to those who write in or we talk about our experiences which have some relevance to the person posting. It can be very reassuring to know others have gone through similar events as yours. I have to say I have not come across a situation like yours but I assure you I can understand how nervous you are.

    There is never a need to apologise for the words you post or for your thoughts. It is helpful to know and understand what is happening for you. Are you going on holiday with friends or family. Sounds like a good idea. I have never been on a cruise. What do you think might happen while you are away. Have you told this person where you are going? He is hardly likely to be on board your cruise ship.

    If he lives on the other side of the country how can he harm you? Can you tell me what details you have given him? I see you have given him your address but have you given him more information? It is important that you tell someone exactly what has happened. So how can you tell mom and dad.

    You could print off this conversation or print only your own posts. Ask mom or dad to read it straight away. That's probably the easiest way. It will also show them how scared you are and how nervous about confiding in your mom and dad. Why would they hate you? They may be a little upset that you have got in this position but it's not a reason for them to be angry.

    Sometimes when my children were little and hurt themselves by falling over etc I would hear the cry and go rushing out to see what had happened. If it was a minor injury and only needed reassurance I might be a little cross because I had been afraid they may have hurt themselves badly. Parents are like that. We are so relieved it is a small problem that the reaction sounds a bit like being cross. If however it was more serious then being cross is a waste of time. My son bounced off the trampoline and broke his collar bone. All I could think of was to get him to the hospital for treatment. I am sure your parents will have a similar reaction.

    Try not to let your fear rule you. Print this page and show it to your parents. I look forward to hearing mom and dad are sorting things out with you.

    Mary

    1 person found this helpful
  7. PurpleStars
    PurpleStars avatar
    13 posts
    13 January 2019 in reply to White Rose

    Please don’t apologise for frightening me, it’s all okay.

    He knows I’m going on the cruise, he won’t be boarding. 1. He’s on the other side of the country. 2. He doesn’t have a job, he gets money from his parents that he still lives with.

    What I mean by him harming me is using stuff against me towards people. Like showing them messages or even.. photos.. THOSE photos..

    The details I’ve given him. Hm.. he knows my FULL name, even my middle. He follows me on every social media. We have each other’s numbers too. I’m sorry I made the big mistake/bad choice of telling him all of these..

    Printing is a good idea. I often print out long paragraphs to my mum and dad (separately) how much I love them from time to time.

    Thank you, Mary. You’re an angel.

    I will keep up to date with you soon. I don’t want to print off the forum or tell them before my cruise. I hope this is okay. I don’t want them to worry during the cruise or anything. I’m sorry if that sounds selfish.

  8. geoff
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    881 posts
    13 January 2019 in reply to PurpleStars

    Hello PurpleStars, welcome to the forums.

    I just wonder whether it was a friendship rather than a relationship because he was on the other side of the world, so if he posts any photos on the net in any way, the police will most definitely be knocking on his door, it's illegal to do any such thing.

    Both you and your boyfriend need to block him on your mobile phones, any emails should never come through to you, once again stop him from trying to contact you or your boyfriend.

    As much as this may disappoint you, take your name/s off facebook or any other social contact.

    This is a situation where you do really need your parents help, but I know you are frightened, but the number of times I was too scared to tell my parents something, I couldn't count, but there is a chance they may find out and it's better to come from you rather than from someone who may distort the description.

    Take your time and tell them a little bit at a time, either to mum or dad, and please remember that you only did this in good faith, helping him with his depression, and they will know that you are a nice person and talked into going that extra step, they will understand this, don't be afraid.

    Imagine if you were smoking and tried to hide it from them, they will eventually find out and may get more annoyed if you pretended to disguise your breath.

    Just look after yourself.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  9. White Rose
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    White Rose avatar
    264 posts
    13 January 2019 in reply to PurpleStars

    Hello Purple Stars

    Geoff is right about blocking his phone calls and emails. Does he know your BF email address and phone number? I hope not as it will make matters more complicated and you will need to tell him to block these calls. It's also a good idea to take yourself off FB and other social media. At the very least block him from getting on to your media pages. Remember, if you write anything on FB it will be there forever. FB own the right to your posts even if you want to delete them. I suspect it is the same on other social media. Once made public it's there forever. So be careful what you write and what pictures you put up.

    Before you go on holiday give this some thought. How well will you enjoy your holiday with all this in the background and with your parents not knowing. You will still need to tell them when you return and that will hang over you while you are away. I think it would be a good move to tell your parents today. I take it they are not going on the cruise with you. Is your BF going?

    Your parents may worry about you while you are away once you talk to them but if you do not take your laptop or whatever you use he cannot contact you. I understand that it may feel more comfortable not talking to your parents and that you want to enjoy your cruise but it does not work like that. I think it will reduce your enjoyment of the holiday.

    By the way, why do you think he lives across the other side of the country? I know you have his address but he may well be lying.

    I am so very worried about you knowing there is no one near you to look after you. Please try and talk to your parents.

    Mary

    1 person found this helpful
  10. PurpleStars
    PurpleStars avatar
    13 posts
    13 January 2019 in reply to geoff

    It was a relationship.. we said I love you to each other.. every I love you I said was fake.. I hated it so much..

    Even after breaking us up, he still calls me his baby..

    I’m going to plan that the day I tell my parents, I will block him on absolutely everything, from email to social media and his number. I’ll also block his number on my parents phones because he actual threatens to contact them sometimes. He had never done it but still, it’s scary.

    Like you said, I might even delete my social media’s or atleast deactivate them (temporarily deletes them).

    I promise you, Geoff and everyone here. I will tell my parents. I feel really brave at the moment about it. I will do it after my cruise. I promise.

    Again. I’m so sorry. Thank you so much..

  11. PurpleStars
    PurpleStars avatar
    13 posts
    13 January 2019 in reply to White Rose

    Hello Mary.

    He doesn’t know my boyfriends email or number. He does know his social media’s. I sadly had to invade my boyfriends privacy and go into his accounts, blocking this creep on all of his accounts. But I’m very worried that he can just make another account and attack us. I can ask him kindly to delete his accounts or disable them like I said in my reply to Geoff.

    My parents are coming on the cruise with my, I’m only 16, they wouldn’t let me go out of the country for 2 weeks without them. My boyfriend isn’t going, we did invite him though. He is going to Japan on the 20th and my cruise is tomorrow, the 14th.

    I really.. REALLY dont want to tell them before the cruise.. I beg you.

    I am certain about his address. We sent each other gifts. Also on Snapchat (a social media platform) it shows your location, and he’s in Perth. I’m in NSW.

    I am so sorry that I am worrying you.

    Thank you..

  12. PurpleStars
    PurpleStars avatar
    13 posts
    13 January 2019 in reply to PurpleStars

    I want to add on that I forced us to stop doing sexual things back in October.

    He said, Why!? We are just helping each other feel pleasure!

    Yeah okay. You feel pleasure from a minor. I’m sorry if this is too explicit and it needs to be changed but I felt like it was a very important key and that I should’ve mentioned it earlier.

    Another thing, he is saying thanks to our break up, he’s back to being depressed and suicidal. He has a private Twitter and he sometimes tweets stuff like, “I love the feeling of replacement!”, “D e p r e s s e d.” and this tweet made my heart sink, he is talking about breaking my boyfriend and I up: “Oh how I could pull everything apart.”

    I am so scared. I want to tell my parents. I am so worried and frightened for their response.. I’m very scared that they will force me and my real boyfriend to break up because of my actions and that’s my worst nightmare..

    i sound so selfish.. im so sorry im so sorry

    I am so sorry. I know I keep saying this everytime, but I am truely sorry.

  13. PurpleStars
    PurpleStars avatar
    13 posts
    13 January 2019 in reply to White Rose

    Mary im so sorry I can’t i can’t do this I feel so weak I don’t knkw what to do anymore I’m sobbing in my room all alone I NEED TO TELL SOMEONE. ANYONE. MY PARENTS!

    im so weak I can’t I can’t I’m so hopeless. This is all my fault it’s all mine. It’s my fault. I’m sorry I even made a forum I’m just wasting peoples time I’m so sorry im so weak and pathetic..

  14. IreneM
    blueVoices member
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    IreneM avatar
    5 posts
    13 January 2019 in reply to PurpleStars

    HI PurpleStars

    I have to agree with Geoff and Mary. It sounds like you are doing all of the right things.

    My recommendation is that you and your boyfriend change your email addresses and phone numbers. Be open and honest with each other. Where possible and I also recommend that you consider changing address to move from where you are and moving into somewhere more secure.

    If he shows any signs of attacking in any way. Then do all of what the others have said and tell everyone that you need to, esp. the police. I also recommend that, after your cruise if you still have issues, you seek psychological help also.

    Stay tuned to this forum, for us all to support you.

    Irene.

    1 person found this helpful
  15. PurpleStars
    PurpleStars avatar
    13 posts
    13 January 2019 in reply to IreneM

    I am so conflicted on when to tell my parents.

    I NEED and WANT to do it today once my dad gets home from work.

    But at the same time, I can't. I wouldn't be able to move or probably speak. I'd just sob and they'd be confused. I don't want to do it before the holiday. I don't want to ruin this. I don't know what to say and if I were to tell the police what would I even say..

    I am so sorry..

  16. PurpleStars
    PurpleStars avatar
    13 posts
    13 January 2019 in reply to PurpleStars

    The creep keeps messaging me, he writes stuff, trying to make me feel guilt for what I've done.

    He says stuff along the lines of, "If only you knew how it felt so be replaced." and stuff like that.

    I want to tell my parents. I'm so scared..

  17. White Rose
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    264 posts
    13 January 2019 in reply to PurpleStars

    Dear Purple Stars

    Please block all access to your email and phone immediately. Doesn't matter if he has any social media because he cannot contact you once he is blocked.

    He is trying emotional blackmail on you to make you feel bad and do what he wants. Stop responding to him and tell your parents. What do you mean by I forced us to stop doing sexual things back in October? Apart from talking about sex what can you do when you live so far apart.

    You are saying you want to tell someone. Will you consider phoning the beyond blue help line. 1300 22 4636 available 24/7. Remember you can print out your post or perhaps the first few posts and give it to your parents to read. Take a deep breath and just do it.

    Mary

    2 people found this helpful
  18. geoff
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    14 January 2019 in reply to PurpleStars

    Hello PurpleStar, please block him from any way he can contact you, if you need to change your sim card then he will have no idea of how to contact you.

    The more you allow him to, the more anxious you are going to be and the more he is going to mention how depressed he is feeling, etc, you don't want to listen to any of that, he is only doing it to make you feel guilty, he's doing this on purpose and could be trying to manipulate how you feel, this needs to stop.

    Write something done on a piece of paper then hand it over to your parents, I think you need to get this off your chest before the cruise, otherwise, it's something that's only going to worry you.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  19. PurpleStars
    PurpleStars avatar
    13 posts
    14 January 2019 in reply to geoff

    Hello Geoff, hello everybody.

    It’s currently 4:38am as I’m writing this and I woke up around 4:07am for no apparent reason.

    I got the sudden urge to just block and remove him on everything, so I did. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Phone Number, Twitter and other things. Gone. Completely gone. I’ve also changed settings on certain social media’s where I can only get messages from my friends or no one. So he won’t be contacting me anymore.

    It’s been 15? 20? minutes and I feel so much better. I feel like I’ll finally be able to heal.

    I’m still going to tell my parents and the police. Just not today, after my cruise. I can promise you all that.

    I want to thank all of you for helping me build up the courage to remove him from my life. He has slowly ruined it for me. For 2 whole years I let him play with my brain.

    I will be okay. I will heal from this and be so happy.

    Thank you all again. You have all made me so happy.

  20. geoff
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    14 January 2019 in reply to PurpleStars

    Hi PurpleStar, sorry I forgot to say that I have been caught in the same trap before, maybe a year or so when I had someone email me 3 or 4 times every day, she was an alcoholic who had stopped and convinced her to do several good things.

    She sent me emails and said she loved me and if I didn't return the favour she would keep asking me if 'I loved her' time and time again, and if I didn't say I did, then she would make other comments until I said it, I'm sorry I did, I was caught.

    It didn't favour me at all, so please don't let it string along.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

    4 people found this helpful
  21. PurpleStars
    PurpleStars avatar
    13 posts
    14 January 2019 in reply to geoff

    Geoff and to everyone.

    Thank you.

    I blocked him on everything. But I couldn’t find his email, he emailed me.

    He is threatening to contact people around me. Assuming my parents.

    I am so scared and sick. I’m going to tell my parents.

    1 person found this helpful
  22. PurpleStars
    PurpleStars avatar
    13 posts
    14 January 2019 in reply to PurpleStars

    Update.

    When I blocked his email, it didn’t stop him from sending them, it sends the email itself to the spam section.

    He says I have half a day to speak to him or he will contact my parents and apparently kill himself.

    I told my parents and they were very supportive, they were so angry at this creep. They said if he contacts them they will call the police.

    I also may have made another huge mistake. This time with my boyfriend.

    I told him I sent the creep nudes. He was very upset with me and even told me to block him in everything. He was my push to do it.

    I told the creep I told my boyfriend about us and he said “why!?”. We then had a huge argument and I spat at him “you ruined my life” and he followed up with “you ended mine”.

    We then bickered some more until I fell asleep. Waking up at 4 to block him on everything.

    I’m still very scared.

    What if he actually does kill himself..? Will I be guilty? He said it’ll be my fault (in the email) because I said you ruined my life.

    I’m sorry, again.

    1 person found this helpful
  23. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
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    68 posts
    14 January 2019 in reply to PurpleStars
    Hi PurpleStars, if you are receiving communication from him stating that he intends to kill himself within a specific timeframe, then this is an emergency.  We would advise calling your local mental health crisis service or 000 and say that his life is at risk.  This is not something you should be dealing with on your own.
  24. geoff
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    15 January 2019 in reply to PurpleStars

    Hi PurpleStar, it was very brave for you to tell your parents but you have done the right thing.

    If you are using Windows 10 then click the 'Junk' file at the top and it has 3 categories,

    -Junk

    -Phishing

    -Block

    so find his email address and press 'Block', although you probably know much more than I do on the computer.

    I agree with Mary he is using 'emotional blackmail' so let your relationship with your actual boyfriend cure whatever bad feelings remain from the previous one.

    You have nothing to do with this other guy and what he threatens you with, he may have other problems which maybe affecting him more, he will get tired of trying to contact you and move on.

    Remember you can't dig through concrete to find water, you will get tired of trying, so if he is blocked then he will get sick of trying to contact you.

    Go and enjoy your cruise, they are great fun, as I've been on one years ago.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

  25. White Rose
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    White Rose avatar
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    15 January 2019 in reply to PurpleStars

    Hello Purple Stars

    Sorry to be out of the loop for a day. I am so pleased you told your parents and even more pleased they are taking steps to protect you. I suggest you ask your parents to contact the police anyway.

    If someone threatens to take their own life it is not your responsibility. Quite often it is a threat simply to upset you or force you to do something you don't want to do. Even if the person is serious it is not up to you to make them feel better. The best way to help is to do as Sophie has said and call emergency services. Sophie has told you what to do about it and this is what should happen without a second's thought. Can you show your parents Sophie's post and ask if they will contact the emergency services as suggested. Then go on your cruise and have a good time.

    A couple of weeks away from home in the company of other people who have no intention of harming you will be a good relaxation. You will be safe and this other person may get the help he obviously needs.

    If you can keep in touch while you are away and would like to keep posting then please do so. However I suspect you will be having a good time and not want to chat here. That's good. I would love to hear from you when you return.

    Have a great holiday.

    Mary

    1 person found this helpful
  26. IreneM
    blueVoices member
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    IreneM avatar
    5 posts
    28 January 2019 in reply to PurpleStars

    Congratulations Purple Star

    Firstly for telling your parents and boyfriend.

    If people overreact to anything you say ... it is initial emotions. Just allow them a bit of time to accept what has happened and do not take to heart anything that they have said.

    Give your boyfriend time to accept it and your relationship will heal as the others have mentioned. Remember: Time is the Healer! Don't expect changes overnight either.

    You can at least be thankful for the support that you now have from your parents, and in time your relationship will heal. I know that it is awful at first but honesty will pay. You've done the right things, so just be patient.

    As Sophie and Mary have said don't deal with this on your own, seek emergency assistance and go there with your parents.

    Also in your Spam section you can select everything and delete it. After that you can empty your computer's Recycle Bin or Trash folder.

    Hope that you can still have a good time on the cruise. Stay in touch with us.

    Irene.