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Topic: I go through phases too quickly.

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. _ItsTheSecondAlex_
    _ItsTheSecondAlex_ avatar
    5 posts
    3 September 2019

    I don't know whether everyone will be able to relate to this because I've tried talking to people but they don't really understand, but here goes...

    Basically, I go through phases. Not "I liked princesses for a year and now I'm emo", but "I spent a month obsessing over this and now I don't like it and have completely moved on". It means for a specific expanse of time (ranging from a month to a whole year), I can be obsessed with something and edit my life to accommodate for my new interests, often to a drastic extent.

    Last year I was utterly enthralled in astronomy. I loved Doctor Who so much, spending hundreds of dollars on merch. I also desperately wanted to be an astronaut, and started studying advanced physics and learning Russian (I wasn't up to learn physics in school). My life completely revolved around this future career, and I signed up for programs, paid for online classes and planned out my future after graduating high school; I would get a maths degree, join the Air Force for a year then travel to USA to train to become an astronaut. Then it all changed. At the start of this year I...just stopped. I stopped trying desperately and moved on to another dream. Problem is I had paid all that money and spent all that time for nothing. I haven't touched a Doctor Who episode since.

    I began to become obsessed with something else: Acting. Marvel was my favourite thing in the universe, I watched all the movies religiously and once again, spent hundreds on merch. I had giant goals to become an actor, and it became the one thing I wanted to do, forget about plan B. I followed casting websites, saved up money to pay for acting tuition and basically planned my future out again, never mind the fact that a career in the arts is nearly impossible.

    Right now, I have just "exited" that phase. Sure, I still would like to be an actor but not desperately, I have become entangled into kpop and even though I'm the incorrect ethnicity and can't dance or sing, becoming an idol is a dream. I know all these dreams are near impossible and would take so much work, and I pretend to be committed, but I'm not.

    So, I've fallen into a depressed state where I know I shouldn't commit to any dreams because I'll move on eventually and wreck my life for the umpteenth time. All my goals are so high and it breaks my heart every time I fall down to reality, realising that I'll never be so successful. I am not trying anymore and this is horrible. I don't know what to do. Please help.

  2. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Croix avatar
    243 posts
    5 September 2019 in reply to _ItsTheSecondAlex_

    Dear _ItsTheSecondAlex_~

    Welcome, I've read a couple of oyur posts giving solidarity to Angelbear and Sky Smith as well as your very clear post above.

    I regret you have had to wait so long for a reply, it is nothing to do wiht you personally or your subject matter, simply a system that does not work as we would like at times.

    I guess the first thing to say is you recognize there is a problem -maybe you might call it over-enthusiasm or being very focused on just one aspect of life.

    I also see you have anxiety condition -which in my case at least parallels yours in procrastination.

    I came to the conclusion that I'd put things off as I was anxious about succeeding or things not turning out well. So I'd concentrate on something else. I'd wind up the cat, polish the dog (metaphorically speaking) , do all sorts of delaying tactics.

    I'm no doctor so can only go on my own experience. Do you think your total concentration on a goal is related in any way to your social anxiety?

    I don't believe you have mentioned if you have seen a doctor or been under any form of medical support? If not may I suggest now would be an excellent time to do so, setting out your problems, anxieties and lifestyle in detail

    I never improved until I got competent medical help.

    I doubt it is a question of your never succeeding - and taking pride in accomplishments, just a matter of not setting yourself up to fail by having unrealistic expectations nobody can meet.

    I hope you come back and we talk some more

    Croix

  3. happier
    happier avatar
    1 posts
    7 September 2019 in reply to Croix
    I related to this on a level. Moreso with leisure type aspects of life than career aspirations. I would jump from interest to interest so fast and be in so deep. I have so much merch from films, tv shows etc. that I fell in love with and got over just as fast. I find it hard to know what my own interests are. I'll be into one thing and over it so fast. I can't imagine what that's like on a career level. I think having an awareness of your tendency to shift interests is a good first step. Careers don't necessarily have to be about your passion. Though I think you're lucky if you can find a passion, even if it is short lived. Maybe you need to let yourself desire something for longer before you actually pursue it, as a career if you are choosing dreams that require a lot of education and money. It might be good for your passions to be hobbies for a while. You definitely shouldn't suppress them though.
  4. paddyanne
    paddyanne avatar
    3 posts
    7 September 2019 in reply to _ItsTheSecondAlex_
    Hi -ItsTheSecondAlex. Wow, love the name you've chosen. Not sure of your age here. We all fantasize about wanting to be ?????? I had dreams of nursing, no such luck, plus I have a weak stomach. It's great you were able to realize your dreams of becoming someone important. Astronomy takes years of understanding. Acting is competitive so if you could become one would you prefer 'straight' or comedy? Dreams are possible but many of them take years of study and hard work, plus you need a steady income while you're learning. I suggest you make a list of what you think is possible and how to achieve, then look at 'the impossible dream'. As far as acting goes, I think there are acting academies where you could 'hone' your career, study, watch others so you can pick up some ideas. No career started on the top rung of the ladder. Everyone has to be a 'gopher' while they're learning. The impossible dream I mentioned is the one where it's out of scope due to lack of knowledge and time. Never stop trying, never give up till you've exhausted your dreams.
  5. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Croix avatar
    243 posts
    8 September 2019 in reply to happier

    Dear _ItsTheSecondAlex_~

    I think Happier may be right, taking time to see if your liking for something matures, and maybe even doing it as a hobby could be a means of not putting all your eggs in one basket -at least until after it has had a long-term trial.

    As Paddyanne says you may have to start at the bottom and work up, this approach might help there. Plus you do a job for finances too, even if not what you really enjoy.

    Do you think it is worth a try?

    Croix

  6. _ItsTheSecondAlex_
    _ItsTheSecondAlex_ avatar
    5 posts
    15 September 2019 in reply to Croix

    Thank you to everyone who's replied.

    I am pretty young right now, so I have a few years ahead of me before I have to sit down and think about money. I think, due to my anxiety, I am stressing about my future when I have at least 3 years ahead of me. However, this is not much time.

    To Croix: I know, deep down, that I should probably talk this out with someone who isn't online and is professionally trained. However, I am apprehensive of approaching my parents with my problems, as this will tarnish their image of the "perfect" child I am, and my father might not react positively since he does not react well with my brothers learning disability. If that stage is even reached, I do not know whether I will be able to talk to someone comfortably without worry of judgement. It's like my common sense is battling against my anxiety, and for me, this forum is a small step.

    To Happier: Thank you! It's nice not to be the only one. I guess I believe that I'll only become successful at something if I enjoy it.

    To paddyanne: Thanks for the support. I really want to try my hardest and see where it goes, but I can only do that if I'm passionate enough.

    I cannot begin to imagine working a 9-5 job in an office, that would crush me. Yet everything is balanced on money.

    I know I'm probably too young to be worrying but I'm terrified of my future in this harsh society.

    Thank you all so much for your support.

    Alex.