firstly, to put it into context, their mum and I are separated. I believe that plays a role here.
To answer your questions,
Im only assuming the conversation will occur with their Mum. It’s kind of how the dynamic works in both our relationships with the girls. Their Mum has a firm grip on what she wants for them, ie: where to go to school, who to Be friends with, what to wear, etc...I stopped fighting that fight for equal balance of power a long time ago..
In saying that, my children are very independent and inquisitive little worms, and I feel we as parents have collectively given them free reign to be confident in raising questions as they feel they need too..
The interesting thing is this,
The elder one will definitely confide in her mum for these kinds of things there’s a Mum and daughter connection that allows that to occur, who am to say it should be any different, she has picked me for other roles and confidence building is one of them. she gets a big kick out of when I compliment her on her efforts in school, how she looks and how she achieves, so I guess you could call that a layer of schivallry maybe?
And I guess that’s the expectation she will take with her as she embarks on the journey of “girl meets boy”.
The younger is not shy to ask the big questions to both of us.
We go camping and swimming and surfing together and we all take our wetsuits off at the same time while in the shower. Although that’s kind of stopped recently as the older one has started taking charge of the shower and general “naked “ stuff..
don’t get me wrong, if they come to me for a chat I’ll sit down and do my best! We have a very honest and open relationship (so far) so they know they can come to me for anything.
in summary, it’s horses for courses...
I focus on respecting their differences to each other, and not try an umbrella rule that fits all..
Tom cruise once said on an old Oprah Winfrey show that
”I want to teach my kids, to teach themselves” it’s corny I know, but it kind of stuck with me when I was young..
sorry for waffling but it’s hard to answer these questions in a short paragraph..
The other thing is, I didn’t grow up with a mum. She left us when I was 4, so I believe that has had its layer of effect on me and women.
But to date I can proudly say that my relationship with my daughters is one thing my ex has “NOT” criticised me about.... so I must be doing something right in her eyes..