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Topic: Why am I here and Where to get from here

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. somegirlonline
    somegirlonline avatar
    1 posts
    24 December 2018

    Hi everyone. I hope your christmas this year will be wonderful or at least easy to cope with. I am writing to this forum because I have tried different methods to distract myself or even heal. I recognise I have an "issue" because a lot have told me I need an actual help. I sought help from a GP and she referred me to a counseling service. The service however is temporarily unavailable due to christmas. Hence, here I am. Not to mention, my partner is away and I think I have a major abandonment issue. I am getting anxious even more due to this. I find myself arguing with him every time we try to keep in touch. I never meant to but it led there. At the moment we have agreed to just focus on ourselves.

    It's hard to explain to people how intense my anxiety gets. My partner told me I should do "this and that"to distract myself. Of course I have tried to. I find it frustrating when he just could not understand how bad it gets. At one point he gave me a call just to tell me how stupid it was for spamming him. I think we need to work on our communication.

    That is not the point tho. The title is "why am i here and where to get from here". I have answered my purpose.

    Where to get from here? I am just coping until New Year's Eve so i could reach the counseling service again. Now for anyone who has knowledge of depression, tell me, how do you keep going? People mistake depression for being a nutcase etc. Maybe I am a nutcase but I had not been properly diagnosed. My GP told me I have biological depression but I haven't got the chance to further investigate.

    My question is, how do we assimilate in the society so we can live among people? I love my partner, I want to be with him, but it's hard to make him understand why I am this way. I fear losing him but if I cannot make him understand, I feel like I should be alone again. Don't get me wrong, he is a wonderful person. It's just that communicating is difficult when he's abroad and I just need some advice. How do I embrace my anxiety? Or make it tolerable? I don't like to be like this. The tremor. The constant unnecessary worries.

    Thanks in advance. Merry Xmas.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Peppermintbach avatar
    53 posts
    24 December 2018 in reply to somegirlonline

    Hi somegirlonline,

    I feel you clearly have a lot of personal insight. I think self awareness is a beautiful quality...good on you for reaching out here.

    It sounds rough with your partner being away, and the counselling service being closed for Christmas. I wonder if it feels as though you’re being left to fend for yourself, so to speak (not literally of course), which is triggering the feelings of abandonment that you mentioned...

    Your anxiety, as you said, is intense and overwhelming. I think it can be a little tricky to understand anxiety and depression unless a person has experienced it firsthand. I feel some things are a little tricky to grasp from a “bystander” perspective. Not impossible though, but maybe just a little challenging...

    I think with anxiety, mindfulness activities tend to help. I suppose, to an extent, anxiety predominantly stems from either ruminations about the past or fears for the future. Anxiety is rooted in the past and future. Thus, it makes sense to try to counter it by trying to bring our minds and sense into the here and now (present) e.g. through breathing exercises, mindfulness activities, etc.

    Actually, I was thinking that you might find a certain BeyondBlue thread helpful. It’s called self help tips for managing anxiety.

    It’s full of suggestions by various BeyondBlue members, including various mindfulness and grounding ideas (plus much more). So maybe if you skim read, you will find some helpful tips. If you’re interested, the easier way to find it is to type the name of the thread in the BeyondBlue search bar.

    I hope you keep talking here if you find that helpful. I know this Christmas/New Year period is especially difficult for you, but there are many caring people here who would love to gently support you.

    Kind thoughts to you today,


    1 person found this helpful
  3. jess334
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    jess334 avatar
    20 posts
    24 December 2018 in reply to somegirlonline

    Hi Somegirlonline,

    Welcome to the BB forums.

    I second Pepper's suggestion of looking over the self help thread. there are some really great ideas.

    Also, if you are really struggling with your counsellors being closed and want to talk to someone, please call the Beyond Blue Helpline. I used them while I was waiting the 8 weeks to get into my psychologist. These forums are great and full of support, but if you need an immediate response or just want to actually talk to someone, the phone lines are always there. 1300 22 4636.

    kind thoughts, Jess

  4. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    141 posts
    27 December 2018 in reply to somegirlonline


    I too welcome you to the forum.

    As you can see from Pepper and Jess ‘s replies that this place is full of kind, caring and support people who are nonjudgmental.

    i have lived with a diagnosis of bipolar for over 44 years and I have often felt I did not fit in and people did not understand me.

    About ten years I starting being honest and open and giving talks to community groups and I found it did not matter if people u derstood everything I felt but at least that I had an idea of what I dealt with.

    We are all different and we can’t know what other people are going through but we can listen and be tolerant.

    how are you feeling today? fell free to post as much as you want to.

    The thread that pepper suggested is very helpful, if you can have a look at it. Sometimes you are able to try a mixture of approaches.

    I am glad you wrote your first post and reached out. there will be people reading your post who will relate to,you.

    you are not alone.