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Topic: why am i a failure?

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Guest2293
    Guest2293 avatar
    1 posts
    13 November 2018

    hi, i’m 16 years old and constantly feel like i am letting everyone down. i’m not fit, i don’t have a good stomach, i don’t fit in, i’m leaning towards the overweight side, i have a plate in my mouth for my jaw, i have a chin dimple (butt chin), when i smile my eyes disappear, i have ugly freckles and i’m not good at any sport (unlike my bother). i NEVER get noticed by guys at my school. only my sort of/not friends get noticed. boys always have crushes on them and always ask them out. not one single guy has had a crush on me or talked to me. i have never kissed a guy or ‘talked to one’. everytime i try interact with a guy i get igonred, left on read/opened (social media) or they talk to my friends

    so i care about my grades and currently have straight A’s (minus PE) and i feel like that makes me a nerd and just another reason for guys to not notice me. people always think i’m the teachers pet

    i walk around school self conscious every single day. i constantly am sucking in my stomach and i now have a divit if where i suck in and not it is just a habit and hurts quite a lot. i get pains in my stomach in stressful or unknown situations. i never have sleepovers with friend because one i don’t reallt get invited, i am always scared of doing new things, i stress over school a lot and we also have to wear a uniform and every few weeks is casual clothes and i guarantee i WILL have that day off.

    also my brother is really popular and he is 3 years older than me but is friends with all the popular people in my grade and was even close to dating a girl in my grade and my class. he always comments on why i don’t go to the gym, why i sit in my room all the time, why i care about school and he always calls me the f-word and ugly. at family dinners and christmas i am always the one being ignored while he and my other cousins are the stars and are perfect. one of my aunties always ignores me when i talk. i always see myself as a failure to them because i’m not sporty (my whole family based on sport) never get the attentions of guys and am not pretty, social, popular and skinny.

    i reallt just want to know why guys hate and avoid me, why my friends don’t like me and leave me out, why i’m scared of legit doing everything/anything, why i don’t get notice by guys, why my parents seem disappointed in me, why i can never do anything right and most of all why am i the biggest failure this planet has ever seen?

    thank you. sorry for spelling errors and for writing so much.

  2. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    81 posts
    14 November 2018 in reply to Guest2293

    Hi. Welcome to beyond blue.

    You are the same age as my daughter. She also gets 'A's. School days can be the best and worst of days. At least, base on some of the stories I hear from my kids. And compared to my days at school, social media can make it worse. And you are also growing up to be person you were meant to me. Both my kids had braces for a few years in their teen years.

    Do you know what you want to do after school? And what grades you need to get there?

    And the people you are want to be like in school, based on looks etc, they probably have their own insecurities as well.

    Do you like sport? (My daughter, while a swimmer, otherwise does not like sport.) And if you do not, that is OK. We all cannot be the same, that would be boring?

    Have you thought of speaking with the school counsellor about any of this? Or have you spoken to your parents about this? I am sure they would not be disappointed in you at all.

    I used to think I was the odd one out in my family, because I was the dumb one and listened to heavy metal in the 80s, and church going, and liked computers, everything contradicted each other. But it took a conversation with my parents recently (last years) to understand how much they loved me, when I was the bottom with anxiety and depression. So chatting with someone might be beneficial, hopefully putting aside your fears.

    And you said that you are not skinny. How skinny do you want to be? There is a difference in being skinny and being healthy. Do you like to walk? I do. It can be a good distraction tool when life/work gets too much and need a break. On top of that, it counts as exercise.

    Lastly, my first girl friend was to the person who became my wife who I met while at Uni. And we are still going strong.

    Maybe when you post again, we can focus on your strengths. I am sure they are there, but at the moment, all you can see are things that you dont like about yourself.

    Tim

    PS. I did not notice any spelling error in what you wrote.

  3. geoff
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    849 posts
    14 November 2018 in reply to Guest2293

    Hello, and please forgive because I don't want to call you by your name, that certainly would not be fair at all, especially after reading your comment, because I do feel so sorry for you.

    I've read your comment a few times and every time my heart opens up to you with sorrow and want to let you know that I'm listening to how you feel.

    Can I also say that I am truly sorry to realise that your thread has been missed and apologise for this but would very much like to hear back from you.