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Topic: Why?

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Rose01
    Rose01 avatar
    1 posts
    16 December 2018

    Okay so this is my first time doing this but I really need help

    Why do I feel like such a disappointment to my family? Just now my mum yelled at me because we were supposed to go to this memorial thing for a person we know but I freaked out because I’m not good with memorials, funerals, death and all that and it doesn’t help that when I last saw that person I said see ya! Who the heck says see ya to a dying person anyway my mum yelled at me because she thought it was about the fact that I was having trouble with my makeup because I needed my sisters help because I have a bit of acne and I didn’t know how to put the makeup on anyway she yelled at me and then said that she’s going and when people ask where I am she will say I’m “sick” instead of telling me that I didn’t come because I couldn’t put on makeup anyway I started crying anyway I have no idea where this is going but I feel like a big disappointment because it’s not just that it’s the fact that I’m 17 I’ve finished school I don’t have a job I’m at home all the time I don’t have a social life I have one friend andddd also people keep saying I’m beautiful but only after I lost a ton of weight??? And I just don’t know because my sister is perfect because she has a job she has a social life and she has heaps of friends and what do I have ?? Nothing and with the makeup thing she told me that I should know how to put on makeup because I’m almost an adult not a child and I just feel like everything is my fault

  2. Doolhof
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Doolhof avatar
    357 posts
    16 December 2018 in reply to Rose01

    Hi Rose01,

    I would like to welcome you to the community here on the forum. I'm really sorry to read you had such a disagreement with your Mum and you feel the way you do.

    I remember being a teenager, it was so confusing at times. People expect you to be an adult immediately but yo haven't had the chance to experience a whole range of adult stuff so how can that happen immediately!

    Can you ask your Mum if you can have a chat later and maybe explain a little more to her about why you react3d the way you did?

    One thing I learnt was not to compare myself to other people. You can never be your sister and she can never be you. Look for the qualities that you do have and work on those.

    Maybe ask your sister for help with your makeup when she has the time. Tell her you would like her to teach you and then you will know how to do it.

    Your Mum may have her own issues right now around the memorial event. Was she close tot he person? Maybe it has affected her more than you realise and she lashed out because she was upset perhaps.

    Hopefully after the craziness of Christmas you may be able to find yourself a job, consider what you want to achieve and work on small goals.

    Maybe write down somethings you would like to do in the next couple of months and see where your list takes you.

    Cheers for now from Dools

  3. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Croix avatar
    214 posts
    16 December 2018 in reply to Rose01

    Dear Rose01~

    I'm glad Mrs Dools has spoken with you , she is a person with a lot of wisdom. As she pointed out you mum may well have been emotional about the funeral to start with, and comparing yourself with others simply does not work. In a world of TV, magazines, catalogues and all you are always going to find some that are slimmer, blonder, and so on.

    It gets to be a habit and so you compare yourself with your sister, which is not fair to either of you (you have good points too you know).

    Saying 'see ya' as a parting goodby is perfectly acceptable, I can't see any reason why your mum would be unhappy with that. It does mean 'goodby' in some circumstance, and that was one of them.

    You asked why you felt like a disappointment to your family. The short answer is because they are making you feel that way. Parents have a huge influence, much more in fact than they might realize, and criticizing too much is harmful. Sure some criticism is OK, but there has to be a balance. Letting a person know what their strengths are, and giving praise are even more important.

    If you sister finds putting your makeup on is more successful than you doing it, well that's not surprising, doing it for yourself is much harder.

    Basically your mum needs to know she is doing harm, even with the best of intentions and love. Can you talk to her about this? Alternatively is there anyone else in your family you can talk to?

    Croix

  4. sisisierra
    sisisierra avatar
    20 posts
    18 December 2018

    Hi Rose01,

    I think you might need to talk to someone about how your mum has been reacting. Like, I'm sure she means well, but like Croix said, sometimes people unintentionally harm others, and letting them know that they're doing it may be the way to go. I do think that your mum was overreacting when you said see ya. It's just like saying Bye, Sayonara, etc. But your mum might just be under stress.

    When it comes to comparing yourself, try not to. Everyone has different qualities that make them a good person. Maybe try not to focus on everyone else's, you have yours.

    Sierra