Online forum 

These forums are a place where you can ask other young people advice on dealing with tough times and share your advice on what has worked for you. Please remember that it does not replace professional advice.

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

You should also have a read of the community rules. Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online communityLogin to post


Topic: Who do I CHOOSE!

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Lucifer
    Lucifer avatar
    2 posts
    14 November 2018

    I have a choice to make. I have three friend groups to pick from.

    I either choose the first group with three people I have been friends with for about 9 years, but... the thing is their is also a extra person and the group only talks about fortnite and motorbikes. I have no intrest at all in either. This group stands around.

    Second group is a group that I hang out with atm, they are a group who are sit down a lot and are a group that is kind of wierd and uncomfotable to be around sometimes.

    The third group is a group that plays downball 24-7 and is pretty cringy but this group is in my class. If your in this group though you are labeled as a nerd.

    I personally don’t know what to do, but I need to make a decision before it is to late and one of them abandons me.

    I don’t want tge people that I have been feiends with for 9 years to abandon me.

    out of every single person out of all three groups only one is my best mate and he is the only one that I will invite anywhere or hang out with in town.

    so I have a choice to hang out with one of the groups either way I will be called a ditcher.

    idk what to do so hopefully someone can tell me what to do and hopefully someone can relate and tell their experience.

  2. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Croix avatar
    203 posts
    18 November 2018 in reply to Lucifer

    Dear Lucifer~

    While I can understand your dilemma I don't think it is as hard to decide what to do as you might think.

    I guess the first thing is your best mate. If you two like hanging out together than that helps you make up part of your mind, you'll probably want to be with him in the group that he prefers.

    Apart from that each group has two things for you to consider, the overall interests of the group (which of course can change over time) and the people in the group. They might migrate from one group to another, true, but their basic natures probably won't change. So I guess you might want to be closer to those you actually like - and who like you.

    Choosing based on what people might think is not really going to work, doing things and being with people because you enjoy them is going to be best.

    It's not really an either/or situation anyway. Sometimes you might find some are doing something you like - perhaps a bit of Fortnight, or going somewhere you want to go - maybe into town, so naturally you go with them. Other times it may be others.

    If any come back at you and put you down for being with others would you really want to be with them?

    If freinds have been there for 9 years I'd be surprised if they suddenly changed.

    What do you think?

    Croix

  3. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    romantic_thi3f avatar
    344 posts
    19 November 2018 in reply to Lucifer

    Hi Lucifer,

    Thanks for your post - this is quite a question!

    As much as I'd love to say pick group x, it wouldn't feel right. I don't know you and I don't know these people or your relationships with them.

    What I do know though is that anxiety of feeling like you have to 'choose'. I was in the same situation and it was so stressful. I also don't think that there's a 'right' choice - maybe the group that talks about fortnite and motorbikes could be the most loyal friends, or maybe the 'nerds' might end up being the friends you laugh so much with - there's really no way to know.

    Can I ask, who do you think would call you a ditcher? Is it all of them, or some of them? From my own experiences, it's the ones that feel like you're ditching them that end up having shorter friendships rather than longer ones.

    Another thing to think about - could you ask your 'future self'? I know, I know - it's super corny - but sometimes that idea of thinking in a different perspective can help. In the long-term sometimes our worries end up being a lot smaller, so trying to think about the people themselves rather than the group and what they do or are known for might help you make a decision.

    Not sure if any of this helps?!

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Quercus
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Quercus avatar
    41 posts
    19 November 2018 in reply to Lucifer

    Hi Lucifer,

    What do you think of Romantic_thi3f's idea of imagining how vital this decision will feel to you in the future?

    I think she has a point but I can also understand how bloody hard getting through school is. Good friendships make the experience easier and a less anxious one I found.

    That said... Croix mentioned how things change. I agree. Even in the shortl years at school they (Groups, relationships) will change.

    I think in your shoes I would choose the group who appreciate the members as they are.

    When I started highschool my best friend knew others and I didn't. She made it clear I belonged with them and so this was my "group". They were popular and I got the feeling I should have been grateful but I watched how they treated eachother. Put downs. Competitive. Judgemental. Sometimes very cruel. And this was to "friends".

    So I left. I told my friend the truth. That she would always be my best friend and welcome with me. But school is hard enough without having "friends" who you can't be yourself with. And I knew I didn't WANT to fit in there.

    I don't regret making new friends. I had no interest in drugs and casual sex and being made to feel crap by friends for not being rich enough or pretty enough. Yes it hurt to "abandon" my friend.

    But if someone cares enough they will try to understand. I was honest and I made it about me. It wasn't me rejecting them as friends. It was me saying I just don't care or prioritise about the same things as you do. She understood.

    What do YOU enjoy? What is important to you? If you're going to feel guilty or rude or cruel or like you're ditching people shouldn't it be for something you want?

    What do you think?

    Nat