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Topic: What should I do

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Butch255
    Butch255 avatar
    1 posts
    29 July 2019

    Hi all. I’m 16.

    i grew up in a perfect home of 4. My mum, dad and my sister. Both my parents had good high paying jobs and I was loved unconditionally. Everything was perfect for the first 14 years of my life. And then in a matter of two years my life was completely thrown upside down.

    My parents started arguing and eventually things got so bad hey got divorced and my dad moved to the other side of the country, and I followed. I moved 3000km away from my mum and sister. I’ve struggled to make new friends in this town, and I’ve felt alone and depressed for about 1 year and a half now.

    Ive always done well at school and am exceeding academically at the moment(Not meaning to brag). But I still don’t feel good enough or like I’m living up to the expectations. All I do is study, I don’t go out, don’t have any friends. It’s like everyone is living this teenage dream and having so much fun. But I’m stuck at home studying. I see everyone else engaging in relationships, but I’m to scared and awkward to even talk to girls. I feel as though I’m just falling behind all my peers. It’s like all I’m good at is school, nothing else. It feels as though I’m if I never get into a relationship now, I never will, and will live an even more lonely life than what it is now.

    I don’t know if I should get over myself. But does anyone have any suggestions that could help me?

    thank you

  2. Nurse Jenn
    Health professional
    • Health professional
    Nurse Jenn avatar
    9 posts
    29 July 2019

    Hi Butch255,

    Welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear that you are struggling so much adjusting to your new life away from what was so familiar. This can be really tough and adjusting to new circumstances with your parents as well as a new school can be a challenge for anyone. I know from my own personal experience of moving overseas (even though it was my own choice) it took quite a long time to integrate into a new country and make good friends.

    Be kind to yourself during this period of transition. I wonder if you have reached out to a school counsellor or another person you trust to talk with about how you are feeling? Talking about your situation can be really helpful. You have done this on the forum which is a great start. I also wonder if you have tried any groups or activities where you may be able to start making connections with others? I realise if you are feeling depressed then taking these steps can be really hard.

    Another place to reach out for some support is through eheadspace. This site sets you up with a person to chat with online or over the phone and is quite specific to youth and they have a lot of experience in helping young people connect socially. They can also talk with your about how you are feeling and any symptoms that you have. You can visit the site by going to this webpage

    Having symptoms of low mood and stress is quite common during a period of significant adjustment but if the symptoms don't resolve and you are still feeling really down, reaching out to get some further support would be a great way to get you back feeling strong again. Feeling confident talking to people takes practice and is not always as easy as others make it look. There are many ways that people can support you towards gaining more confidence. I wonder if you have talked with a counsellor previously?

    Wishing you the best possible outcome,

    Nurse Jenn

  3. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    89 posts
    30 July 2019 in reply to Butch255

    A warm welcome to you Butch255

    My heart goes out to you as you struggle during what is for most a typically tough time in life, without the added stresses of divorce and moving away from the familiar.

    I've got a few questions, if you don't mind me asking. You don't have to answer if you don't wish to

    • Did your parents strategically help you through the challenges of divorce?
    • Did you get to make the decision regarding which parent you wanted to live with or was the decision made for you?
    • Would you regard your mum or your dad as being more emotionally supportive, especially when it comes to depression?
    • How often do you visit your mum and your sister? Could you be grieving, in a way, for them?
    • Have you considered counseling/professional strategic guidance and support of some nature?

    I know, a lot of questions. I believe sometimes it's more important to begin asking questions, as opposed to making statements. Asking questions can lead us on a course of constructive detective work. For example: 'I don't feel good enough' can be flipped and reformed into 'Why don't I feel good enough?' and/or 'What would make me feel good enough?' Perhaps the most constructive question comes down to 'Who would I like to be and how would I like to become this person?' Finding someone who can help us constructively identify or re-identify our self can sometimes make all the difference. As your dad reforms himself (after the break up and move), who is helping or guiding you in reforming your self? Can you think of anyone in your life who is rather masterful at managing reinvention? Reinvention definitely comes down to management.

    When it comes to forming relationships, a lot of it relates to attraction of course. There's a good chance that there are some candidates at school who are attracted to you but perhaps not stepping forward. This is where picking up subtle signals is key. Catching someone looking your way more often than what seems normal can sometimes be a signal. If this is the case, sometimes offering a smile back may be all it takes to ignite a friendly conversation. Being a conscious observer (beyond work) in the school environment may help give you a slightly different perspective and identity.

    Take care Butch255