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Topic: What is happening to my boyfriend..?

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. LauraFa
    LauraFa avatar
    1 posts
    7 March 2019

    Hello I’m new here and am really confused .. that’s why I thought it might be helpful asking for some advice or answers..

    My partner (25) who I have been with for two years, has lately been really really down and said he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him and feels like he’s drifting trough life .. well then last Friday we had an argument about me saying that I don’t get what’s up with him and he’s changed and also if he really loves me - well it turned out that he was asking for a break and needs time by himself .. I was in shock and heartbroken. A few days after we talked and he cried and said he doesn’t feel like himself anymore and doesn’t even like himself, that he doesn’t know what to do in life and also needs a break to figure out if he loves me the way I do, he didn’t change his behaviour ( like I didn’t sense or felt that he wouldn’t love me at all). I’m really worried if he’s suffering a form of depression or is just going trough a stage of freaking out because he doesn’t know what to do in life. He said to me he loves me but he could only fix himself by being alone.. that he needs to start loving himself again, on the other hand he was telling me that whenever I would feel like I could text him and we might be able to catch up.

    Yesterday then he came to visit me after my wisdom teeth removal to check if i was okay and then I asked him again if we’re breaking up and he said no i don’t see it as a break up but we’ve no relationship, he was very emotional and I don’t know what he actually needs or wants and I feel so unable to help him.. he said to me I should focus on myself too and not wait for him in case things don’t change or he doesn’t want to be with me any longer. But still wants to keep me in his life. I had to make a big step and sent him away and said I will not contact him, but will be there once he feels the need of seeing me.. he looked kinda shocked and was crying about it but I didn’t know what to do anymore as I felt I can’t take this limbo.

    Theres so much more I would love to say, anyway maybe someone here dealt with something similar and can just give me some advise or their opinions.

    Thank you

  2. Psychologistry
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Psychologistry avatar
    8 posts
    7 March 2019 in reply to LauraFa

    Well, from my perspective, it looks like your boyfriend is bottling something up inside.

    You see, at the age of 25, you haven't settled in to life just yet. You don't have a wife, a family, probably a stable and profitable source of income..etc... This means that his thoughts are jumping all over the place. If he goes to university/college, he has yet another thing to keep in mind. It is simply too much to take in at such a young age. He is worrying about too many things (marriage, family, job, house...)

    Or maybe he is heartbroken from a personal experience. I've had that before. If someone close to him as passed away, I can literally feel the pain. If he has just lost his job, I understand how he is feeling.

    But that's not the point. The point is, that you should leave him some quiet time, to take it all in. Over the course of a week, maybe. Then, you should advise him to go see a psychologist or a psychiatrist or GP, because they will know how to help him. These professionals know what to do, because this isn't the first case of possible depression they've faced.

    1 person found this helpful