Online forum 

These forums are a place where you can ask other young people advice on dealing with tough times and share your advice on what has worked for you. Please remember that it does not replace professional advice.

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

You should also have a read of the community rules. Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online communityLogin to post


Topic: Walking Over Me

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Patchfruit
    Patchfruit avatar
    1 posts
    22 June 2019

    Hey,

    I just made an account and decided to try and take some steps in reaching out. I want to talk and share somethings. My first steps. I have so many things that I don't know where to start.

    I am very withdrawn and yet at the same time people see me as if I am a normal chatty person. I hold conversations with my friends, talking about weird, wacky, small talk things and yet I analyse everything I say to them as if I don't want to make any mistakes. When I come home I just stop talking. I keep it to the bare minimum so my parents don't ask to many questions. I don't like having deep conversations for I feel as though all I have to say will just hurt other people. I let them walk over me even though it hurts me for I am scared to hurt them. I cry in secret for the pain I cause myself yet I appear stony face to everyone. I must not show emotion. Only recently have I noticed how bad that sounds. I just saw it as protecting friendships and others. I didn't see what it was doing to me.

    I don't know how or when but I have started to hate when people touch my skin with theirs. I avoid my sister hugging me even though she loves hugs and is a very touchy person. I have just become more withdrawn and since no one knows I don't like people touching sometimes at school I have a few very social friends who come up and hug me. I feel awkward and the need to get away.

    I see now also that I have began to loose interest in things I used to enjoy. I find small tasks hard, and a general feeling of disappointment sitting on my shoulders. Shame mixed in for I feel I have a good life and yet I feel this way. Almost as if I shouldn't. I just have kinda given up. I sometimes don't want to wake up. I don't want to talk to people around me about my problems for I am scared what it will do to them. The though of telling them is so far away in my thought process. I am just thinking, hide it, hide it, hide it. This I feel is my first step to trying to talk to people.

    I just felt it was good to off load all this stuff and know I don't have to deal with consequences for others.

    -Patchfruit-

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Croix avatar
    235 posts
    23 June 2019 in reply to Patchfruit

    Dear Patchfruit~

    Welcome here to the Forum. It can be a hard thing to open up, even here where it is anonymous, so I'd like to say you have done a pretty brave and sensible thing. Here you can get other's views, and there are no worries in the process. You are quite right, it is a first step.

    Feeling like you might hurt others does show a very caring side to your nature, and that combined with a reluctance to talk about deep matters - understandable in the circumstances - has left you discovering you are hurting yourself. Do you have any idea what started to give you the notion you might hurt others by saying what you thought?

    That stony faced mask too is not good. We all have one to some extent, but when it is too effective it hurts the wearer. I found when I hid everything it simply isolated me. I was not able to be with others in comfort, plus I got the feeling if I had to hide how I realy was - what did that say about the real me? Perhaps you feel a bit the same?

    It looks like things are gettng worse if I understand right. Constant disappointment, loss of ability to enjoy, finding tasks difficult, wanting to just hide. Plus not wanting to wake up for another day the same. Now you want to avoid physical contact. Upsetting how things can get worse.

    It does not really matter if on the outside it looks like you have a good life, it is how you are inside that is important. To feel this way is not something to be ashamed about, after all it is not something you chose.

    Can I suggest you get some help? I found I simply was unable to improve without that help. I ended up with medications (which I needed, you may not) and therapy, and it turned my life around -not the next day, but in time. I'm not the same person now. Apart from other things I can now be with others, talk openly and enjoy it, plus others appreciate what I say - quite a surprise after how I felt.

    Life can be so much better, you do not have to keep on going like this.

    So what to do? The are several options. If you wanted you could talk to your parents, I don't know if you felt able, but it is a suggestion. If you are at school there may be a councilor you can trust and have confidence in. If you do not want face-to-face there is

    The Kids Help Line, by phone on 1800 55 1800, or by web-chat at https://kidshelpline.com.au

    You are not alone in this, we are here for you whenever you like

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  3. MsPurple
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    MsPurple avatar
    170 posts
    23 June 2019 in reply to Patchfruit

    HI Patchfruit and welcome to the forums

    I completely get how you are feeling. Along with other forum users who also have lived experience. A few years ago I was really struggling. I was at uni. Some days I could hide it well and some days I couldn't. I ended up needing to talk to someone about it. I ended up going to headpsace. It is a youth mental healths ervice. They have various centres across the country as well as an online service. It is for people aged 12-25. I found it really good for me. For more info go to https://headspace.org.au/eheadspace/ They are really understanding. This is what do and they want to help you. It is also free

    Talking openly can take time. I couldn't do it while I was at school, but after I went and figured out what was going one, and getting the help I needed and starting to feel better, I was more open. It is nothing to be ashamed about. If someone broke their leg we would be talking about it, helping them pick things off the floor. We wouldn't tell them to just 'walk it off'. I try look at mental health the same way. I needed help and to talk to someone about it. I don't talk to my friends and family about everything (I talk to my psychologist about these things) but it is good for them to be a support

    1 person found this helpful