Hi again Anonymouz, glad you replied and keep replying if you feel like it.
".. don't see how it can get worse than wishing you weren't here everyday..."
Is it possible you are struggling with any negative thinking? I did until I hit 23yo. Then an event occured where it changed my life forever- it was a motivation lecture. This might interest you. I'll try to be brief.
I sold insurance for a short time. I was doing ok. I went to this lecture as part of my training. The guy talking was "Bill" and he opened up telling us how, at 42yo he started selling insurance. But after 6 months not one policy was sold. With the stress he had a heart attack and lying in hospital his wife came for a visit and asked Bill what he wanted to do when he was discharged from hospital. "I'm going to be a millionaire selling insurance" Bill blurted. His wife laughed at him and it was that laugh that sealed Bill's future. For he no longer cared for anything else. His wife seemed to ridicule him with "that laugh".
Bill started to put plans in place. For motivation he decided to stop his car at 11am everyday where ever he was, and knock on every door of that street until he finished every house. If the street was really long he would return the next day and continue. He started selling a few small policies. Then one day he was in the centre of Melbourne and looked at his clock and saw it was 11am. He was in a major street in the heart of the city. But...to his promise he started knocking on doors, every door of every tall building.
Two weeks later he is still knocking. He arrived at a building owned by a major mining company. He made an appointment and the guy siad "bring along a superannuation expert with you".
The next day he was riding the elevator up to that ossice and the expert told him "introduce me Bill then keep quiet...leave it to me"
Well Bill actually fell asleep during the discussions. Then forms were signed. On the way down the elevator the expert asked Bill "do you know what just happened"? "No" said Bill. "We just sold Australia's biggest mining company an extra 1.5% superannuation for their 60,000 employees" said the expert. "That means I get nothing because I'm on a wage, but your commission is just over ne million dollars".
Bill returned home, put his slippers on and relaxed. His wife came home and asked "how did you go Bill"?
"I made one million dollars today.....AND DONT EVER LAUGH AT ME LIKE THAT AGAIN !!!!!
By this time he was yelling. Never ever ever give up...!