I’ve had depression and anxiety for nearly 8 years now and it never seems to get better. I pretty much never want to be here except for the days where I get almost a manic feeling and happy for no reason like I’m on a high, only to crash and burn soon after. (Hypomania it seems)
I went off antidepressants recently as I just wanted to bloody remember what it felt like to not have a dry mouth, feel like a zombie and other issues these meds cause.
At first I felt great and now life is unbearable yet again and I can’t cope with anything. My anxiety is so crippling and my depression is so bad that I never leave the house because I don’t have true energy and I feel like I’m becoming psychotic, overanalysing every irrelevant detail and magnifying it 1000 times in my head and get so paranoid I assume everyone hates me despite there being no actual proof of it.
To top it off, I can’t find a job or move out and my friend recently passed from suicide.
I know 98% of what I think is irrational but I can’t stop it. So tomorrow I’m getting a psychiatrist referral so I can try and end this.