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Topic: struggling with 'depression labels'

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. littlemissabernathy
    littlemissabernathy avatar
    1 posts
    5 February 2019

    Hi, I'm new to the world of beyond blue and was hoping someone could possibly help. I'm don't know if I've got depression or not, no one in my family has a history, but I've done some research and I'm beginning to think maybe I do? It all started when I was 12 and contracted meningitis and encephalitis, (I'm now 21) and am still dealing with chronic daily pain for the last 7 years, I thought I was handling it, but recently I've noticed a lot of behavioural, mood and physical changes in myself. I don't see my friends as much as I used to, I find that I don't have the patience for people anymore, sometimes I even snap at my mum and sister which makes me feel awful afterwards but I just can't control my feelings at the time. I'm can't even tell you what I was mad about I just suddenly get irritated or emotional and everything feels too much and I just sleep for days. I know that having the same pain for most of my adolescent life probably has had an impact on my health, but I feel as if its more now. I don't find pleasure in doing my usual hobbies/activities. I can't even hold my focus on a book for half an hour, and I used to read all day everyday and it made me so happy. I don't think I could tell you what makes me happy anymore. But even as I write this, I can feel myself beginning to feel guilty for having these thoughts, I don't even know why... maybe i'm embarrassed...ashamed? Maybe it's all of the above. I've tried talking myself into going to see a doctor and talking about this, but again i start to feel guilty, like my problems aren't important enough to go and see a GP about. Anyway, if there's anyone else out there with some of the same feelings or maybe you've gone through something similar, I'd like to hear your story.

    :)

  2. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    396 posts
    5 February 2019 in reply to littlemissabernathy

    Hi littlemissabernathy,

    Welcome to the forums and thanks for joining us :) You a Westworld fan by any chance?

    I'm really sorry that you're struggling with this but I'm glad that you reached out. I think by reading your post and with everything you're going through, it's no wonder that it's taken such a huge toll on your mental health. I can't imagine going through this and having it have no impact on your mood.

    What I am glad about though is the fact that you talked about it, even if it does bring up feelings of shame or embarrassment. Is there maybe a sense of 'I shouldn't feel this way?' or 'I don't deserve/it's not bad enough for me to feel this way?' because if you are having those thoughts know that that's super common.

    I can't stress enough that your problems are important enough and worth seeing a GP about. It is worth getting help and you do deserve to feel better.

    and finally, to answer your question - yas, I have dealt with health issues basically all my life, and the impact has had a big affect on my mood. The biggest thing for me was comparing myself to others, feeling like I should have energy/smile more/think positive yadda yadda so learning that it was okay that I was feeling this way and being able to adapt was really important to me.

  3. Doolhof
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Doolhof avatar
    372 posts
    9 February 2019 in reply to littlemissabernathy

    Hi littlemissabernathy,

    I too welcome you to the forum. Sorry to read you have experienced health issues for quite a while now. We can help and support you here, but I would like to encourage you to see a Dr about a diagnosis and reasons for the way you are feeling.

    It can be hard talking to a Dr about how you are feeling. There have been times when I have written things down and handed the paper to the Dr. You could even select some of what you have written here and show that to the Dr.

    Or you could Google "Symptoms of depression" and see if you match any thing listed, print out the list and take that to the Dr. The internet is a great tool, but I highly advise you discuss what you find with the Dr.

    I also like to write down what is bothering me. Sometimes I have no idea, but writing at least gets the negativizes out of my mind.

    Regarding reading, could you find books with short stories in them? That way reading for even 15 minutes at a time may be rewarding.

    A psychologist told me that even when we don't feel like doing something, if we can push ourselves a little, then our minds create the happy endorphins which help to improve our moods. We then encourage ourselves to do something more.

    It can be tough but it is worth it.

    Hope you manage to make an appointment to see a Dr. You are worth it!

    Cheers from Dools