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Topic: Struggling

8 posts, 0 answered
  1. Matty_B
    Matty_B avatar
    4 posts
    16 June 2015

    Hi,

    First post here so I am sorry if it doesn't make sense.

    I have written this over a dozen times now and always seem to delete it before posting, but here it goes.

    Although I hide it well from everyone else besides this forum now, for over ten years I have had issues with obsessive compulsiveness, anxiety and depression.  I have been pressured by some people to keep going to see a councillor but I gave up because I didn’t want to waste their time or seem “soft”. You see I have always had to be the strong one out of my friends and family, The one that everyone else relies on to help them out and get them through their tough times, but lately I have grown weary of this. It is taking everything I have to keep the others on track I fear I have lost my own way. It is taking a toll on me and I don't think I can carry on like this.

     I have much more to express and get out but I think this will do for a first post... sorry my sentences didn't really flow.

  2. BenD
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    BenD avatar
    67 posts
    16 June 2015 in reply to Matty_B

    Matty_BEE welcome to the beyondblue forums mate.

    Your sentences are fine man, I can understand exactly what your saying. Well done for getting that first post off your chest, more often that not we have so much going on upstairs that we can't really refine it into a paragraph or two.

    It is extremely admirable and selfless of you to look after others in such a way dude. I imagine you are the person that always puts others needs before their own. An ultimate team player.

    But what often happens mate, is that we spend all our juice on looking after the needs of others and we leave none for ourselves. And the rule of sustainable altruism is to look after yourself  first and foremost, once that is done only then can you begin to look after the needs of others.

    A part of it is letting others figure things out for themselves. It took me a long while as an older brother to figure this one out, you can't just shortcut peoples experiences for them and expect them to grow and learn. It reduces their own agency and consumes a lot of your own energy.

    You are only human man, it's okay to have your own needs and desires, emotions and irrational behaviours. It's all part of being Matty_BEE (a great bloke by the sounds of it). No one is perfect. There is no real value judgement we ought to apply to ourselves, we are all just trying to do the best we can and be the best we can. And thats all that matters.

    I'm not going to pressure you into visiting a counsellor or anything, but you can have a look around beyondblue's website to see if there is anything you can relate to, or find helpful. When I first started addressing my own issues I was hot and cold with going to a counsellor (that was 5 years ago) and sort of looked for my own information. Might be worth a try for you.

    Do you assume that kind of caring role for everyone? Or just certain family friends? I understand if you don't want to talk further, my ear is here if you need me regardless.

    Ben

  3. Matty_B
    Matty_B avatar
    4 posts
    16 June 2015 in reply to BenD

    Hi BenD,

     

    Cheers for the kind words.

    I am rather quick to form a bond when meeting new people, so for the most part I try to help everyone I meet. Which if you meet as many new people every week as I do it gets to be quite the burden on my thoughts.

    Above you mention researching my own information. Was there a stand out topic or piece of information you found helped you the most?

     

  4. BenD
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    BenD avatar
    67 posts
    17 June 2015 in reply to Matty_B

    Yeah man, being that kind of way makes everyone want to hang out with you (and, unfortunately, unload their own burdens on you). I've got a mate on facebook chat right now who has said three sentences about himself before even saying hello! It's all good for a short while but if everyone does it boy can it get exhausting.

    The stand outs were probably anxiety, assertiveness and self-esteem. I went counsellor -> resources (google 'cognitive behaviour therapy') -> counsellor -> more resources (google 'smiling mind') -> GP (meds)

    Repeat.

    And it has worked. Just finished my degree and have gotten off the meds having become a happier and more stable person than 5 years ago. I know it sounds like a long haul but really it's a commitment to yourself, for yourself.

    Sound like you might be inclined towards any of that?

    Ben

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Matty_B
    Matty_B avatar
    4 posts
    18 June 2015 in reply to BenD

    Man,

    that whole thing sounds pretty helpful.

    Even just knowing someone else has gone the same path makes me feel much more at ease with the whole thing.

     

    thanks for chatting with me.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Matty_B
    Matty_B avatar
    4 posts
    3 April 2019 in reply to BenD
    Hi BenD,

    Unsure if you still follow these but thankyou for taking to talk to me all those years ago. It was a very critical point and your words have pointed me in the right direction.

    Thankyou
    1 person found this helpful
  7. blondguy
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    307 posts
    4 April 2019 in reply to Matty_B

    Hey Matty_B

    That was a really nice post above you wrote. I havent heard from BenD since his post above yet he may check in and read your kind thoughts

    I hope you are doing okay Matt_B. There are many gentle people on the forums that can be here if you want to chat :-)

    Paul

    1 person found this helpful
  8. alma.63685
    alma.63685 avatar
    7 posts
    4 April 2019 in reply to Matty_B

    Hiya Matty_B

    I hope you're doing better as it seems you were going through alot.