Matty_BEE welcome to the beyondblue forums mate.
Your sentences are fine man, I can understand exactly what your saying. Well done for getting that first post off your chest, more often that not we have so much going on upstairs that we can't really refine it into a paragraph or two.
It is extremely admirable and selfless of you to look after others in such a way dude. I imagine you are the person that always puts others needs before their own. An ultimate team player.
But what often happens mate, is that we spend all our juice on looking after the needs of others and we leave none for ourselves. And the rule of sustainable altruism is to look after yourself first and foremost, once that is done only then can you begin to look after the needs of others.
A part of it is letting others figure things out for themselves. It took me a long while as an older brother to figure this one out, you can't just shortcut peoples experiences for them and expect them to grow and learn. It reduces their own agency and consumes a lot of your own energy.
You are only human man, it's okay to have your own needs and desires,
emotions and irrational behaviours. It's all part of being Matty_BEE (a
great bloke by the sounds of it). No one is perfect. There is no real value judgement we ought to apply to ourselves, we are all just trying to do the best we can and be the best we can. And thats all that matters.
I'm not going to pressure you into visiting a counsellor or anything, but you can have a look around beyondblue's website to see if there is anything you can relate to, or find helpful. When I first started addressing my own issues I was hot and cold with going to a counsellor (that was 5 years ago) and sort of looked for my own information. Might be worth a try for you.
Do you assume that kind of caring role for everyone? Or just certain family friends? I understand if you don't want to talk further, my ear is here if you need me regardless.