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Topic: Self hate getting baaaaad man

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Inkyinsect
    Inkyinsect avatar
    2 posts
    15 December 2018
    Hey, this is my first thread but like, I wanted to reach out. I'm 19, female and my self hate is ruining my life. It nearly ended my relationship because I said yes to something I'm not comfortable about because of fear of losing him. That issue is sorted but this has to stop. I spend all my money on gifts for friends in the hopes of making them like me more. I don't believe i have any worth despite all the reassurance in the world. I really want to be able to see myself as good enough to deserve the people in my life. idk, feelsbadman
  2. White Rose
    Community Champion
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    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    White Rose avatar
    272 posts
    16 December 2018 in reply to Inkyinsect

    Dear Inkyinsect

    Welcome to the forum. This is a safe place to talk about your fears and worries.

    I am so sorry you feel bad about yourself. I'm sure you know giving gifts to people will not make them like you. If they are your friends they like you for yourself, nothing to do with gifts. Sometimes being given a gift for no apparent reason can make the recipient feel uncomfortable and perhaps start moving away from you. The reverse to what you want to happen.

    I am also sad you felt you had to say yes to something you were uncomfortable about and glad that has been sorted out. It does seem like you are very unsure about your self worth. I am certain you are are just as likeable and lovable as other people. You are trying to get over this and I congratulate you for writing in here.

    Have you considered getting some professional help to overcome your self doubts? I can assure you that doing this will be useful. I know about self doubt and feeling worthless. I have felt this way for many years. In the end I became seriously depressed, quite unwell in fact. Not a good place to be. A good starting place is your GP who can advise on the best course to take.

    I presume you are not at school. Do you go to uni? I ask because universities have their own counselling services. I am guessing you have a job which is how you buy presents for your friends. Do you have a particular friend who you trust? If you perhaps you can talk to them about how others see you. It's good to get an opinion from someone who sees you in a different light.

    You said, I don't believe i have any worth despite all the reassurance in the world. I know how hard it is to get past this. While you are probably not depressed the black dog that haunts those with depression has probably been whispering in your ear. It reminds you how useless you are, how you do everything wrong etc. Not true. Your job is to throw this dog out in the street.

    There is a thread in the Staying Well forum. It's called Talking to Your Inner Critic, Can It Be Tamed? Browse through this. It is a long thread so probably reading all through it may not be the best. Start a page or so before the last post. Join in the conversation and tell us what you think. Hopefully it will be useful.

    Mary

  3. white knight
    Community Champion
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    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    469 posts
    16 December 2018 in reply to Inkyinsect

    Hi and welcome

    Im 62yo. For the past 36 years I've been self boosting my own confidence...even to this day.

    That is because low self esteem is embedded into our persona so much so, we cannot fully recover.

    But it isnt all that bad providing you a/ are aware if it and b/ you do something about it. You are doing both, well done. Now here are some things you can do.-

    • Attend motivation lectures
    • Read books on motivation/self esteem
    • Watch - google- youtube Kevin Kostner's emotional speech Whitney Houston funeral
    • Google- beyondblue Topic 30 minutes can change your life

    Eventually the way you think will change. You will begin to recognize negative people and realise you are so much more positive and confident.

    You are unique, no one else is like you. We are all beautiful. Your friends dont need gifts, they'd rather you ask them questions about their lives and support them.

    Good luck. TonyWK