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Topic: Really hating my life right now

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. LoverHater
    LoverHater avatar
    2 posts
    26 June 2019
    I’m really hating myself and my life right now. I moved away from my family and friends to have a chance at getting a better job. I moved here in early February and I still don’t have a job. I’ve been applying for a minimum of 20 jobs a month as is the requirements to receive Centrelink payments and since feb I’ve had a total of 3 interviews which went nowhere.
    Since I broke up with my ex last year all of the friends I met through him don’t talk to me anymore. I now live an hour and a half away from my best friend who has a baby, and 2 hours away from my family. I moved with my younger brother and family friend who are 5 years younger than me. They have friends come over and stay who I am friendly with but they exclude me a lot. It makes me sad but I understand because they’re a lot younger than me (18-20, I’m 24).
    Because I’m only on Centrelink I barely get enough money to survive. I pay for my rent and bills, and then whatever food I can afford, and occasionally fill my tank up.
    I can’t afford to go and visit my friends or family because it costs nearly a full tank of petrol.
    My online friends don’t invite me to play with them anymore.
    So instead I sit on my ass all day everyday trying to entertain myself whilst getting fatter and fatter by the minute. I’m fatter than I’ve ever been and I can’t afford to do anything about it. All I can afford to do is walk, which is a bit iffy because my town is a bit dodgy.


    I’m just so sad and lonely. I’m currently on medication for anxiety but I feel the depression is crawling in.
    I feel so worthless not being able to get a job. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I’ve just finished uni and I have good customer service skills. I personalise and customise every single cover letter and yet I’m not good enough for anyone.
    But when I actually get an interview I think about actually working I’m filled to the brim with anxiety just thinking about being in such an unfamiliar environment.
    Meeting new people exhausts me so even though I’m lonely, trying to meet new people just isn’t appealing to me. And when I try to talk to people and create a relationship I just feel annoying.


    The longer this is going on the harder it is for me to get back into a “normal” life.
    I feel like everything will just be solved if I get a job but nobody is bloody willing to give me a chance.
    I think I need to go back to counselling but that isn’t going to solve my problems.


    I don’t know what to do. But I’m so sick of all of this.
  2. PamelaR
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PamelaR avatar
    64 posts
    26 June 2019 in reply to LoverHater

    Hi LoverHater and welcome

    Anxiety and depression is the pits sometimes isn't it? Sorry to hear you are hating yourself at the moment. Job hunting can be very demoralising and if you're applying for 20 jobs a month with only 3 interviews, I understand how you are feeling.

    It sounds like you've been through a number of changes recently - moving town, living with different people, splitting with your ex, having your combined friends not talk with you. That's a lot of things happening for you, along with looking for a job. It's quite normal to feel the pressures of change and the lack of success in job hunting.

    Having someone to talk it through with can help sometimes. You said you 'think I need to go back to counselling but that isn't going to solve my problems'. While it may not solve the problems, it may help you work on solutions. Talking helps to clear away all the things that get in the way of thinking clearly.

    It sounds like you are also missing your best friend and her baby. Do you have anyway of keeping in contact?

    Kind regards

    PamelaR

  3. LoverHater
    LoverHater avatar
    2 posts
    28 June 2019 in reply to PamelaR
    Thank you so much for your reply PamelaR, I really appreciate it. I think it is a good idea that I go back to counselling.
    My best friend and I pretty much only text every now and then. We have the kid of relationship where we don't need to be talking all the time to maintain the relationship thankfully and we're always there for each other. But as she has her baby now it's obviously a bit harder to meet up and for her to make time for me which I do understand. I'd love to visit them more often but I just can't afford it.
    I feel isolated in this unfamiliar area. I think I'd be fine if I could just afford to visit people back home. It all comes down to money in the end. Even when my housemates do invite me out with them and their friends I can't afford to anyway. It's just so frustrating. You're right when you said that job hunting is a very demoralising experience.
  4. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    73 posts
    29 June 2019 in reply to LoverHater

    Hi LoverHater

    You express your frustration and disappointment so clearly and my heart goes out to you.

    Have you ever flipped the job thing around and thought 'They're not good enough for me'? The money may be good but are they jobs you passionately want, ones that suit your nature? For example, if you're a deeply thoughtful caring person towards others, are you applying for technical positions rather than positions relating to personal care? If technology seriously excites you, are you applying for positions that involve making phone call after phone call at a call centre? What would you really love to be doing? You can imagine an interviewer thinking 'I don't think I've ever met anyone who was more passionate about this job'.

    Personally, I was seriously stressed about applying for a job after 16 years of being a stay at home mum, so you can imagine there was a pretty significant gap in my resume. It had been about 23 years since I'd worked in age care when I applied for a job as cleaner and kitchen hand at a local aged care facility. As a way back into the industry, I wanted that job passionately and my cover letter reflected this. Something like 'I understand that quality of life can be dependent on our environment. Mental well-being and a sense of respect is felt by those who receive a service which reflects care in every possible way' and so on. I believed in everything I wrote and the interview was a chance to prove it. Getting the job sent my anxiety levels up as I dealt with not only learning a routine with a huge number of fine details to remember but dealing with such a large number of new faces also tested my self-esteem.

    In regard to physical well-being: Have you considered asking for a small loan from family for a second hand exercise bike or a cheap new one? They're much cheaper than treadmills. A few years back, I needed to lose weight but couldn't do the walking thing because of calf pain. With the exercise bike, it allowed me to exercise pain free whilst the display did the calculating when it came to how many kilojoules I was burning off. A few toning exercises from a book I'd found and things began to finally take shape in more ways than one.

    The jobs we apply for or the modes of exercise we undertake don't need to be terribly glamorous in order to facilitate a sense of change and greater well-being. In compromising and meeting life, friends and family half way, the middle ground can become the point opportunity.

    Take care