Hey there. First of all, i’d like to thank you for taking time out of your days to read this.
In another thread post i’ve explained a lot about some abuse and other mentally stressing things i’ve put up with in my life, so i won’t be going on about that today.
For the past couple years, i’ve been a bit on the chubby side. I wasn’t ever overweight, just definitely towards that end of the scale. I’ve alwysd been really self conscious of that, but haven’t ever done anything about it. Food is what i grew up with around me (my parents were both chefs so i was raised in that kind of environment), so i would just eat and eat and eat.
In the past 6 months, i was getting sick of my weight and decided to do something about it.
I would research ways to lose weight, and for some reason anorexia of the idea of starving myself was always something i thought about. My mother who i have a very rocky relationship with and don’t speak to, she suffered anorexia and then bullemia for about 4 years in her early twenties.
Everything she told me about joe sick she was, and everything i’ve read about your health and eating disorders stopped me from following that. So i would work out and home and eat in smaller portions.
That didntdo much, so i decided to take the plunge and eat very little for a week. I skipped lunch everyday, didn’t snack and had small breakfasts/dinners.
About 2 months after that, i was still struggling. But this time, i feel into that stuff without realising. I downloaded fasting apps and calorie counters.
I download pro-ana posts and have them in a folder, and i document my journey. My waist has got increasingly smaller and i’m dropping weight very fast. This has been going on for about a month. Im now tired all the time, experiencing my depression episodes more frequently and longer, having panic episodes when i gain weight and cutting myself off from friends and family. Everytime i get up i feel light headed and i’m tired all the time. Im starting to get scared but im so scared to reach out? My dads started to notice and i even told my best friend but it hasn’t made much difference.
If anyone could help me in any way i’d appreciate it heaps<3