It is really great to chat some more to you, to answer your last point first, the only limit to how long your post it is the 2500 that Beyond Blue has on each post, if you use every one of those characters that is fine with me, you come here as often as you need to, or as you are doing while you are on your own. I just wanted to acknowledge that point first in that it is hard to feel so down and so sad, but then to have to put in the effort to hide it and to make it seem like everything is just peachy, that must be just exhausting. I just wanted to you know two things, the first being that there is no shame in feeling lousy, at some point we all do, however some struggle much worse and much deeper than others so I am not sure why it is such a taboo thing not to share when we are struggling, is it that we are weak, or we are not in control or there is something wrong with us?? I am not sure but we have no problem telling others when we are feeling good so why not when we need help? The second being that my brother wore a mask of happiness, strength, success and like his life was just fine, his suicide note suggested otherwise, I would have given my left arm to help him through his pain, if he had of not hidden and not felt like he did not deserve help or that he was a burden. I would have dropped everything to have helped him, I was not given that choice, so I ask you to think about having a chat with someone close, to let them know, afford them the opportunity to help you, you matter and you are loved.
I am so pleased that while you had no expectations here on the forum that you have found support, that is wonderful to hear that we are helping.
I am sorry to hear you have hit rock bottom OJWP but weirdly happy too, you know why, as the only place to go from here is forward/up on the journey to wellness, it can start today, with maybe a call to your GP to make an appointment, dont know what to say or how to start? you could even just show them this post, they will start the conversation with you, you have captured how you are feeling so well.
I have a bunch of stuff to say but am running out of space...I too have moved house more times that I care to mention, it made my school life hell, I had trouble fitting in and making friends, I am 45 now and it doesn't really impact my life, I get to make the choices now, I look back and actually see that it did teach me resilience..the hard way.
Chat soon, I do have more points..lol