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Topic: new on here, need advice.

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. rumii
    rumii avatar
    1 posts
    6 May 2020

    hello there,

    my whole life i've been feeling a constant sickness, it's so hard to get out of bed in the morning, i can't keep up with schoolwork. everything is too overwhelming. i can't remember the last time i went into the public and didn't feel like people were judging me.

    school was my only escape, although no one there even wants me around, it's so much better than home. whenever i hear the door open and know my mother is home, i panic. now i'm stuck with that never-ending worry of when she will return due to quarantine. i have to make sure that the entire house is clean everyday, if not she takes away my phone and yells at me. i can't get a break.

    nothing is there to distract me and i'm stuck with my thoughts, the loud voices mocking me for whatever i do. i just want some peace and quiet for once. it feels like the world is caving in and i just want to crawl into a ball and sob away my emotions, i want to feel like all the normal people at school. i'm so gross.

  2. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    1680 posts
    6 May 2020 in reply to rumii

    Hello rumii

    Welcome to the forum and to a really nice place to have a chat and get some support on what I can hear is a really tough time for you at the moment, I am so sorry that a person so young has to be responsible soley for the cleaning and order of the house.

    I would like to say though that you are most certainly not gross, you are a person who is going through a really overwhelming time. Can I say to you though, the voices in your head are just that, voices, noise and they are not welcome, they are not the truth and are not to be believed. It takes some practice and some strength to shut this noise down and you can even say out loud "i hear you, you don't matter, you are not real and you can leave now".." I am worthy, I am beautiful and I matter"..I am wondering if you have some things in the day that you can reach out to that give you some joy and happiness? Something you can turn to to make you feel good when these things happen? I love to paint and to write and also music and reading, they make me feel really good.

    I am not sure if you feel comfortable to speak to your mother in calmer times and say to her that you do try your best to do what you can around the house, that you could use some help and feel it is alot for one person. Could you tell her that it hurts you when she yells at you and makes you feel very bad about yourself? I understand she is your mother but you seem to be doing nothing to me that warrants being spoken to in a way that makes you feel so very bad.

    I am sorry that school was your only escape and now you dont have that as part of your day, it does make things hard to manage when your time of peace has been taken away from you. I hope you can still get your school work done and that online schooling is not too stressful for you.

    I hope to chat to you some more rumii, we are here to listen and to care, you can chat about how you are feeling and will not be judged or hurt here.

    Hugs to you

    Sarah

  3. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    2215 posts
    6 May 2020 in reply to rumii
    Hi rumii,

    Welcome to our friendly online community. It's great to see that Aaronsis has welcomed you here. She has some great advice. We're so sorry to hear that you're struggling at home. It sounds like a really tough situation with your mum. Please know that you don't have to go through this alone, there is help available to you.

    We would strongly recommend that you get in touch with Kids Helpline - https://kidshelpline.com.au/ 
    It sounds like you're in a really tough situation and it might help to talk it out whenever you're feeling overwhelmed. Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 via telephone and also via webchat if you go through the website provided. If the coronavirus restrictions are making things harder for you at the moment, then we'd also recommend taking a look at out dedicated Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service where you will find a lot of targeted information as well as another 24/7 helpline staffed by specially trained mental health professionals. Thanks again for reaching out as we know that it can be really tough to do this for the first time. We hope that you find some comfort here in the words of wisdom and kindess that our community can offer.