Before i start talking, I'm not writing this to invoke pity on myself, I'm just trying to get stuff of my chest and hopefully make myself feel better.
This year has been a drag for me. I started to get really down around mid April to July, a lot of it due to University. I've always been the shy, awkward kid that doesn't talk to many people and doesn't have many or any real friends at all, and nothing changed in uni but it becoming more evident. I've been feeling incredibly lonely and its like walking around a place you don't belong for 12 hours a week and then repeating it for 12 weeks. I've struggled to make friends, and the isolation has had its toll. It all hit its climax, when I started bombing courses and ended up failing one of my units. Ironically this made it a bit more tolerable, as I focused more on my studies for the next semester, but now that the break has come, the negative thoughts are starting to return.
Going into this break, I hyped myself telling myself, that I would find a new job, be committed to the gym and get revise up on material for next year, but two weeks in and it has been the complete opposite, the absolute worst actually. I've been incredibly lazy, tired and every time I stuff up, I just become more negative and more pessimistic. I've been skipping the gym simply for waking up a bit late, and recently I forgot that I had work and didn't turn up. It just seems that I keep making mistakes after mistake and mistake and I'm feeling really hopeless.
I understand fully that I'm mostly to blame for all these problems, but I've become less and less optimistic in my ability to improve myself and starting to think that this is who I am in general. My thoughts have becoming more and more negative and I posted this just to get stuff out of my head. I would appreciate any advice if anyone's got any.