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Topic: Need some help

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Tyler23
    Tyler23  avatar
    1 posts
    19 February 2019

    Within the last two months I met a girl who I got along with quite well. We talked abit and even hung out two or three times. I started to get feelings for this girl but it seemed like in the span of a few days she lost interest. Which is fine on her behalf because she didn’t really owe me anything and all, I did feel abit betrayed just because it happened at the snap of a finger and there was no warning. For the next 3-4 weeks I was feeling real down in ways I had never felt before, I thought I had known what it was like to feel sad/depressed before but for some reason this one really hit me hard and I was quite taken back from it just because I really hadn’t known her that long. I told a few friends that I was feeling down but not the extent of how I was really feeling, they helped and all as much as they could but it was still those times when I was alone in my own thoughts which tourtured me. Anyways In those weeks I had deleted this girl off a few social media just cause I was sick of seeing here but a few weeks later she added me back and started talking to me again. I thought she was just trying to be nice so I went along with it Aswell with the hope that she wanted me again. This talking progresses for about two weeks where she even asked to set up a day where me and my friends could see her and her friends. It was all going well until that same thing happened where she went cold on me in the matter of a day or so. This really had me down In the dumps again. From prior knowledge I know she had a guy that she used to see but they didn’t anymore but I feel as if she still wants and every time she feels as if she is not getting attention from him or whatever she comes to me for some validation and when he does come back around she gives me the flick, that’s what I think would explain how she goes so cold on me.

    I was just wondering for some outside perspective on what you believe this situation may be and what steps I should take into further helping my mental health. I’ve been really grey lately about the whole situation and it has started to affect my social life

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
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    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    457 posts
    20 February 2019 in reply to Tyler23

    Hi, welcome

    Well maybe this girl has one or two guys in contact and therefore it would explain why you are a part time interest.

    To be direct, she is being wise in that she is socialising more getting to know others. I think you can do the same. For sure I'd pursue this girl in terms of spending time together but I wouldnt introduce her to my friends until my relationship with her is advanced. The reason is, she could find interest in one of your friends if you and her arent connected much. (It happened to me).

    So, before you are bf and gf you maybe shouldnt get too emotionally spent on her. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for getting hurt.

    I call it "measured interest" ...a controlled level of emotional commitment. A form of self protection


  3. Hang10
    Hang10 avatar
    4 posts
    20 February 2019 in reply to Tyler23

    Hi Tyler23,

    Welcome champion to the beyond blue team,

    Some good advice from Whiteknight that can help you thru this for you.

    I think your friend likes talking to you, I think she would see that you like talking to her too.

    It sounds like she has a lot of friends and that great. I like the fact that she added you back on social media. If she didn’t care I think she wouldn’t worry about re adding you.

    It tough when you fall heavy for someone, and they don’t get as emotionally attached as you do. But I think just hold back like Whiteknight says, she would like to see ya around again I say.

    Try to look at her coming to see you when her boyfriend or person she seeing not paying attention as a good thing. You might be surprised how much she cares. You bring something to her life that she likes. Try not to look at it as a downer look at it as a positive that you got a lot to offer.

    Try not to be afraid of caring for her even if it hurt, you never know things could change for you. Be yourself and enjoy the little moments with her. It get easier as for find way to better handle it.