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Topic: Need a little advice

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Marthastewartsstomach
    Marthastewartsstomach  avatar
    3 posts
    17 December 2019
    This year has been a bit of a difficult one for me and I've been upset none stop for a while now I'm not sure how to stop feeling so awful. I don't know how to go speak to someone and the idea of it seems weird to me. I was recently diagnosed with PCOS and endometriosis, I thought I handled the news well but recently I've been getting upset about it and keep overthinking everything now. I have also had problems with friends or my lack of friends. I lost a close friend. D roommate this year due to a very long story that his new girlfriend decided she hated me and would ignore my presence even though we lived in the same house. She has since moved out but obviously because shes still dating someone I know I continue to see her and she's very rude when I do and she insists of socially excluding me and standing in front of me and blatantly ignoring me and people see this but don't really acknowledge or tell her how rude it is but will tell me that they disagree with her behaviour but just tell me to ignore it and pretend it doesn't bother me but I'm finding it harder and harder for it to not get to me. Why do people see something wrong,recognise its wrong but not do anything about it. One of my only friends moved in with her and they are obviously very close and I can't help but feel isolated again because I'm not allowed over to the house and my friend says that her thoughts of me don't affect her and she still wants to be my friend and that she believes the girl is being very childish and rude but won't tell her that and won't invite me in because she's concerned about upsetting her new roommate but doesn't consider how it might make me feel. What should I do? How can I stop feeling shitty when I see her and how can I tell my friend that her room mate is a manipulator when she's very fond of her because they haven't known each other well for very long?
  2. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    1856 posts
    17 December 2019 in reply to Marthastewartsstomach

    Hi Marthastewartsstomach

    I am so very sorry that you are going through this and that you are in a really tough spot with this girl who is making life pretty difficult for you. It is so great that you have reached out here for some support and something that is speaking loudly to me is "ask her"...perhaps you can take this girl aside at the next opportunity and ask her what it is that you have done that has offended her or upset her. Do you think that is something that you would be able to do? This way it eliminates all the third party stuff and worrying about what other people are doing and saying, or in fact not doing or saying when she is ignoring you or displaying this behavior. It will take some courage to outright ask her but I believe it will show her that you are not to be walked over and not to be treated this way, especially if you have done nothing to deserve being ignored.

    I hear what you are saying in that you do have trouble speaking and you would not really know what to say, however you could role play it and practice saying it into the mirror, seems weird but it actually works.

    I am sorry to hear that this year has been hard for you and that you also suffer from Endo and PCOS, that is alot to manage on top of trying to manage friendship groups and feeling anxious when the next situation is going to be with this girl.

    I am sorry to that "you are not allowed" over at your friends house, that does seem strange to me, especially if your friend does want to continue the friendship with you. I understand that she might feel weird but I am sure you are not going to cause any trouble.

    The best outcome I can see is that you can ask this girl "what have I done to upset you?" or "how is it that we are in this situation that you ignore me?".

    I am not sure if any of this is helpful to you Marthastewartsstomach (I love this name by the way).

    Huge hugs

    AS

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Marthastewartsstomach
    Marthastewartsstomach  avatar
    3 posts
    17 December 2019 in reply to Aaronsis
    Thank you for responding and the advice I really appreciate it. Sorry for ranting on a bit.

    I think I've been a little silly when it comes to the endo and PCOS i let the little things like hairloss from my head and excessive facial hair get to me too much when I know people out there suffering a lot more severe things and I should be grateful

    Unfortunately I have spoken to her a number of times.she explained to me why shes mad (long story, I got a little kitten
    as a present from a friend and she was upset that I didn't consider her cat and her feelings) but it still went back to her ignoring me and excluding me. I tried to fix things after that but she wasn't responsive.

    I think that "I'm not allowed" inside because the girl has told my friend that I'm not allowed and told me about it. I know the position she is in is difficult but it's hard not getting annoyed about the situation and trying so hard with someone and not getting anything in return
  4. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    1856 posts
    17 December 2019 in reply to Marthastewartsstomach

    Hey M

    Please do not apologize for "ranting' here, that is what we are here for, to give you some comfort and some support and help you get through these rough times, I am so happy you have reached out to get some of this stuff off your chest. Also I get it, the facial hair and the hair loss, it is all relative to you and you have a right to feel sad or feel how you do about it, just because people "out there suffering a lot more severe things and I should be grateful"..if it is bothering you it is legitimate and does not make your problems any less than anything anyone else is going through.

    OK so the girl got upset as she felt you didn't consider her or that she had a cat, can I say I have 3 and they all get along perfectly well and love each other, I am not sure why she felt she was the only one that was allowed to have a pet, that your pet would effect hers? I think that perhaps there are two ways to handle this girl, the first being, let it go..let her be the one who is all angry and let her be the one with the issue, maybe in time you can work it out and tell her that you are sorry you upset her, the kitten was a gift and if she cannot talk it out to resolve the issue then it is on her. That way you can move on with your life and if she wants to ignore you that is up to her. The other option is to ask her again if you can sit down with her and chat it out, that you do not like having this situation and that it is actually impacting other people in the friendship group. If you show maturity with this hopefully she will follow, however at the end of the day you cannot make this girl talk to you or "get over it"..sometimes we have to accept the situation and just work around it. I know this is not helpful but that is sometimes how the cookie crumbles..to quote a cooking phrase!

    Perhaps you have to make plans with your friend outside of her house so as you don't have to feel excluded from the friendship and so you can still see your friend without having the girl and the house be an issue.

    ERRKK...this is so horrible and it really is tough being a young person these days. I am so sorry you are going through this, huge hugs to you.

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Marthastewartsstomach
    Marthastewartsstomach  avatar
    3 posts
    17 December 2019 in reply to Aaronsis
    Thank you so much for listening.

    I know that she has her reasons for being upset but I just never thought that getting a kitten as a gift could cause so many problems I would say I wouldn't have taken it if I had known but the kitten is so adorable and sweet that that would be a lie. Which I guess is a bit of a selfish way of thinking on my part.

    I guess I could try to not let it bother me. I'm not really sure how to do that. But I can give it a go. Thank you
    1 person found this helpful
  6. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    1856 posts
    18 December 2019 in reply to Marthastewartsstomach

    Hey Marthastewartsstomach

    I am so very happy that you found the advice helpful and I hear you too, there is not a chance that I would have turned down that adorable little kitten either, in saying that it is never a good idea to give a person an animal for a gift not knowing how it will be received and if it can be cared for, the person who gave it to you is lucky that you are a caring person and can love it.

    I hear what you are saying in that it is hard to "try not to let things bother you"..I think the only way to do this is with some self talk and some self love. Telling yourself that you have tried to talk to her and to sort this out, that you are behaving in a manner that is being a good person and not making it hard for her, what else can you do...not much. The rest is on her. You have done all it is that you can do and sometimes we just have to be a peace with the knowledge that everyone in life is not going to like us and that we are not going to make everyone happy...you know what..that is fine. I feel like once you make peace with this you will be able to be around her and if she ignores you you will be ok, that this is now on her and that it takes energy for her to be choosing to act like this, this is on her.

    I am not sure if any of this is helpful but I am here to chat to you anytime you need to .

    Hugs to you

    Sarah xxx