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Topic: Nearly all my friends are online and I sometimes feel lonely irl

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. InfinityDistribution
    InfinityDistribution avatar
    6 posts
    29 December 2018

    Not my first time on here, posted here over a year ago or so.

    I finished my second year of uni this year. Previously I said I was having trouble making any friends at uni. I'm also a pretty big computer gamer so about a year ago I joined this small online game community and next thing I know, bam! I now have like four or five really close online friends who I really like playing games with and, with a couple of them, they really seem to care about me but I can't really talk to them about my glaring problem. I have a lot of friends online but I still feel pretty alone in real life. I still have to go to uni and there I feel lonely. I remember a couple times in lectures I almost felt like I was going to cry or barf or something.

    It got a bit better cause in my second semester this year I managed to make some friends at uni (yayy) but I'm a guy and they are all girls. I'm pretty close friends with one of them now and we've talked quite a lot about each other to each other but she's really really into uni work and not much else. I asked her if she wanted to catch up over the holidays (as friends. I have no romantic interests in her and she's told me she probably never wants to get into a relationship with anyone ever) but she said her parents dont let her meet up with boys during the holidays.

    Then with the other friends... well I dont really feel like I'm as close friends with any of them enough. During these holidays Ive still been hanging out with my online friends a lot, sometimes spending six hours on the computer a day with them. It's literally the only way I can hang out with anyone. I'm almost getting sick of the computer! But I can't cause theyre my friends and I have other hobby projects that all require the computer too and my uni work needs the computer so... yeah.

    And I look at my younger brother who's always going out with his friends or whenever I go say christmas shopping I see all these other people hanging out with their friends or even at uni... the jealousy is real. It was really bad when two of my other online friends discovered they lived only ten minutes away from each other irl and I got jealous of them cuz they started hanging out a lot in real life and in games and leaving me out. Not on purpose, and I told them how I felt and we sorted it out but still things like that happen.

    Sorry for the wall of text. I dont know what to do or say. Or who to tell without annoying anyone. So much to get down. Welp, character limit reached!

  2. Croix
    Community Champion
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    Croix avatar
    214 posts
    29 December 2018 in reply to InfinityDistribution

    Dear InfinityDistribution~

    Welcome back, it's good you have first year out the way.

    I'm afraid you are finding computer friends only take you so far, not like real life. Gaming is a whole world in itself and can be very isolating. True it has interest, excitement and its own satisfactions, with acquaintances to talk to and share with, but ultimately a dead end.

    That's not to say it does not have it's place, just it can't be the major social event in your life. You need regular contact face to face with people. Actually I wondered abut something you said, you had freinds at uni, but you are a guy and they are girls. This realy does not prohibit friendship.

    Getting to know people in real life is sometimes difficult, and if I remember that was one of your concerns last year. Perhaps there may be a way to combine the best of both worlds.

    I have a friend who is heavily into gaming and one day per weekend packs up his system (a desktop) and takes it to a friend's place where they, with others network their machines and play as a team, on-line, but also face to face at the same time.

    There are other tabletop RPGs out there too.

    Would any of these help?

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  3. InfinityDistribution
    InfinityDistribution avatar
    6 posts
    30 December 2018 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix,

    Thank you for your words.

    With my friends at uni that are girls, I said with the one I'm closest to, her parents don't let her hang out with boys during the holidays, and when it's not the holidays she's really really busy with uni work. We do completely different degrees - she does health science while I'm studying mathematics but we met cause she was doing a maths course as an elective, and are definitely not going to share classes next year, and she seems to keep on insisting I find other friends aside from her, but at the same time isn't really doing a lot herself to help me out.

    With the other two girls they both do maths degrees so I might see more of them next year.

    I definitely do not think being friends with girls prohibits friendships - a lot of my online friends are actually also girls as well. I think what I was mostly meaning is that I feel a bit too nervous to initiate anything with them because I don't want to seem like I'm hitting on them or anything, I just want to be friends.

    But yeah, until uni starts back up again there isn't really a lot I can do, and I inwardly feel like I need to do something soon before I have to focus back on uni.

  4. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Croix avatar
    214 posts
    30 December 2018 in reply to InfinityDistribution

    Dear InfinityDistribution~

    The internet ate my reply before I had finished it, so if you get two posts that's the reason.

    Thanks for coming back and explaining more. Frankly I'm not sure a fear of been seen as hitting on someone is a really good reason to worry. It is true there can be misunderstandings, and that applies to all sorts of things in all sorts of relationships. If you act within the bounds of common courtesy and consideration then you will be doing as much as anyone can.

    Meeting and interacting with people IRL is going to take you out of your comfort zone, it is to be expected. However the more you do it the the easier it becomes. You were talking to several here last year and already have had some good suggestions on how to start.

    If I look back I found a lot had to do with shyness, self-confidence, and practice.

    You are starting from a good place. You have brains (your choice of studies shows that), You are not so egotistical as to not seek help, you know you can interact easily with all people in the protected environment of gaming, there is no reason to think elsewhere is otherwise.

    You have a lot to offer in friendship, I guess you keep trying, maybe being a little more adventurous than in the past.

    Do you have anyone in your family you can talk to frankly about this, who will take it seriously and be supportive?

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful