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Topic: Most difficult chapter in my life.

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Betriouffift
    Betriouffift avatar
    6 posts
    19 October 2019

    Hey, I'm new here, so this will be my first post, I'm trying this out to receive certain feedback, advice and suggestions on my current situation in my life.

    I am 16, and I haven't been living with my parents for almost a year now, although I managed to escape from a toxic environment with my parents, including my siblings, I still somehow managed to carry the weight of that toxicity on my shoulders to when I moved out.

    I moved in with a friend, who was kind enough to inform his parents about my situation, they allowed me to live with them since I had nowhere to go, immediately, I was much more happy, everyone was very accepting and natural about it, they helped me move my belongings in and supplied me with all the essentials to live. They then vowed to assist me in bettering my life, to help with my learning to drive, getting a job, and living more independently.

    Which was amazing, I was much happier there and learned so many things that I still carry on for today, obviously, some issues arose during my time there, I would have arguments with my friend but we would manage to sort it out after some conversation.

    But after a couple of months there, things started to go downhill, although it wasn't to my attention, I hadn't gotten a job yet, and that wasn't too impressive to my friend's parents, I was also having performance issues while driving and let my anxiety get the better of me, after further time there, my relationship with my friend began to degrade, I became more distance from them as they attempted to better themselves after problems they were experiencing, which is fine, but it did make it harder on me.

    Then after 7 months of living there, I was given the news that they were no longer comfortable with me living there, I found a sharehouse online and with the money I was receiving, I moved out, with their help. I quickly became more isolated and financially concerned, and started experiencing issues with a much older tenant who has little consideration for others when smoking and using public areas.

    My problems with this tenant were ignored by the landlord and I was brushed off because of my age, and that sort of leads up until now, where that tenant may be moving soon, but I'm not too sure yet, I work now, but I'm sorting out issues with my roster as I still attend school, but they sometimes have me work late on weekdays which isn't desirable.

    Its mentally draining and I get stressed easily, advice is also hard to come by currently.

  2. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    120 posts
    19 October 2019 in reply to Betriouffift

    Hi Betriouffift,

    welcome to beyond blue.

    It sounds like you have had to grow up a lot recently - from living with your parents (and as you described in a toxic environment) to now supporting yourself at such a young age. And to do the things that you are doing now, working and school at the same time to do support yourself shows a inner strength in you, and commitment. I do not think I would have been equipped at your age to do that.

    I am a little unsure about what you might be looking for "advice" on, but if it were housing related then you could look at state government youth housing services?

    I hope I am allowed to post this link (below) as it contains a number of links to other web sites and services you could contact about whatever issues you might be experiencing...

    https://raisingchildren.net.au/grown-ups/services-support/services-families-of-teens/teens-housing

    More generally, you might want talk someone at Anglicare or UnitingCare about anxiety and/or housing.

    Are you still in contact with your parents? Do you have any sort of relationship with them still?

    What sort of support do you now? What are your relationships like with people you work with? A

    I'm here and listening to you, and tell me more of your story if it would be helpful for you

    Tim

  3. Betriouffift
    Betriouffift avatar
    6 posts
    19 October 2019 in reply to smallwolf

    Hey Tim,

    Thank you for replying to my post, the advice what I had meaning to be seeking was primarily whether or not I should remain here after my first lease (3 months) to carry on to a new 9 month lease, I'm having trouble deciding if that staying or moving is the better option.

    The tenant I've struggling with may move, which will take a lot of pressure and stress off of me when I'm here, but there are still some things about this place that concern me, particularly that my landlord is not in a good financial situation, and with most of the tenants moving soon, my landlord may not be able to pay for the mortgage, which would cause great problems for me.

    But there comes with stress with moving out as well, firstly, I have a decent amount of things, including a desk and a bed, that I cannot move on my own and I have yet to get my Provisional license to drive my own vehicle, which I have been saving for.

    This would make it difficult to move initially, but then comes a load of planning, and talking to my councillors and social workers, which I often have trouble contacting, however, if I come to a point where I can make an option which really depends on other people. I could decide to move out with a tenant who recently moved in, who is suggesting that I do attempt to move, since they are not to pleased with the conditions here, and I acknowledge that, but I've only recently met them which makes it difficult.

    A sibling of my friend who I recently lived with may be considering moving out soon, but I'm not sure if they would be accepting an offer to move somewhere with me, as I'm not to sure how particular they are about that. Finally, I need to consider my location, since I don't have a car for myself, getting around is reliant on public transport, which can be difficult when working late, or travelling far (I had to Uber home on my first shift). I need to make sure I'm close to work and school primarily, and living near services such as a shopping centre, laundromat and gym is important to me.

    Paper work also comes into play with my address change, which can be difficult, but I wouldn't worry too much, I'm just not sure what options would be the best, as me moving once again might be frowned upon by my friend's parents and may be more financially demanding.

    I don't have much experience in making the best decisions, and its hard to consult with my social worker for advice currently, and I don't have anyone to regularly talk to about my problems, thanks again

  4. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    120 posts
    19 October 2019 in reply to Betriouffift

    I am going to throw out some random thought here...

    a lot of what you have mentioned are things that may happen in the future and not being sure what is going to happen. Some of these things might be in your control and some not. And if you have anxiety thinking about the negatives of what might happen in common - I have been there, I am there.

    I was going to suggest that you look at the threads on grounding and mindfulness in the forum. You might get some ideas to help you short circuit or stop the worry or negative thoughts you get.

    Another organisation you could contact is Headspace (https://kidshelpline.com.au/ and 1800 55 1800) to help deal with stress.

    What is your relationship with your friend's parents like? Are you able to talk to them about things that are going on, or that might be concerning you? They might be able to give you advice on what to do.

    I can have arguments in my head. One day I wrote out that conversation on paper, and sort of turned into self-therapy. I was chatting about this with a counsellor once and she mentioned that she will play this "game" with a client where they carry through (talking) the worst case scenario to the very end.

    As for decisions - you make the best decision you can based on the available evidence or information.

    I wonder now, that if you are not living with your friend's parents, whether you might be able to talk to them and in doing so you can work out what to do next. A phone call...? I realise that talking to someone can be hard, it can also be an opportunity for a relationship to deepen, and it helps to get things off your chest and hopefully reduce the stress.

    Or you can write here. I will listen.

    Tim

  5. Betriouffift
    Betriouffift avatar
    6 posts
    19 October 2019 in reply to smallwolf

    I tend to have a bad habit of thinking ahead and overthinking certain situations I'm in or could be in, usually these thoughts are negative outcomes, and its more difficult to think of positive one's, its a habit that I have yet to control and I'm trying my best to ensure that I focus on positives.

    I'm just generally a worried person, and that's part of my character, my mum acts the same and we have a similar way of thinking, the smallest change in a situation even can cause my world to come tumbling down and I'm not too sure why, I'm decent at adaptation, but certain things just mentally get to me, like work for example, I understand that earning more money and getting this experience is great for my future, that's why I'm there now, but there's an underlying feeling of just inner-anxiety whenever I'm at work, or somewhere unfamiliar, I'm good at what I do at work, but I just can never get rid of this feeling of fear when experiencing long-term change.

    It sounds a little unproductive, but I do enjoy change, but there's certain things that cause uncomfortable change, which is where I think ahead, for example 'Will my manager change my hours if I ask? and what will I do if they don't' or 'Will I be confined by myself in a place like this?' its just those thoughts that pull at my consciousness, I'm getting a little off topic, but that's my biggest problem right now, overthinking.

    I'm able to talk to them about my problems for sure, they're very understanding, despite being firm about my move, I believe they still did it to ensure my future, acting as a discipline to work harder and I did, however I think they wouldn't be too supportive if I was too move, as it would likely act as a lot of hassle for them, but that's me overthinking again.

    Sorry, I'm not the best at explaining my issues in an understandable way, its difficult to when I get lost in my head with a web of negative future thoughts, but right now I just want to ensure I keep working and doing well at school, I'm hoping my roster will be able to adapt to my school schedule, and maybe I'll be able to go over a couple of options with people who can help, I struggle with tough decision as my choice is usually the worst.

    In general, the future scares me, I want to work hard to live a good life, but my negative thoughts are holding me back, and I'm thinking of a way to deal with it right as its hard to explain it to others, I'm hoping I can find a way soon, it'll help a lot.