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Topic: Me and my best friend kissed and I can’t tell anyone

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. confusedfriend
    confusedfriend avatar
    2 posts
    17 November 2018

    It’s happened multiple times. I am finding it hard to believe because he’s always been the joker to me, I never thought it would happen. It isn’t like I’ve ever had feelings for him, or him me, but a month or so it began we almost kept kissing. So many almost kisses and we got closer... but he’s my best friend so didn’t think much of it. Eventually it happened, & it’s happened every time we are alone. Unlike him I don’t get much attention from guys, I genuinely don’t and we both know it. He gets female attention all the time, and still is now even though we have and probably will kiss again. He also is perfectly capable of meeting someone who can do sexual favours for him, if you know what I mean (which I have zero problems with these are all normal things at our age to be experimenting with kudos to him), and so I don’t know why he keeps kissing me if he can get it elsewhere but not from me.

    I find this all hard because I’m not like that. I don’t really like the idea of myself being one of those girls. He also doesn’t like the idea of putting me in that position but it just feels like every time we are together we can’t stay away. We’ve spoken about it and no matter what we know our friendship comes first. I find it hard that I have no one to tell to ask advice, as telling any of our friends would instantly create tension that isn’t necessary. And I know everybody would just say to not even go there with him (he is a little notorious for kissing girls and then leaving when it stars to get a lil serious). I’m afraid I might begin to get feelings for him or that maybe I already have, and I know with him he’s so unsure about what he wants in life especially with relationships and I don’t want to confuse him more. I especially don’t want to be the first to admit any kind of feelings. We spoke that there’s always been that ‘something’ and we kind of agreed, and I’m sure there is something on his side of it but we always joke about keeping up our friendship and being mates that I can’t tell if he feels even an inkling of what I do or if he just maybe likes the idea of kissing someone he knows he shouldn’t.

    I also don’t want to be some girl (not just to him, but anyone) that easyily gives in. But I won’t lie I like that someone sees me in that way, no one ever has attempted to act on that feeling toward me.. and I hate that I like it and hate the situation. If he was a random person I wouldn’t feel so conflicted, but he’s my best friend.

  2. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    111 posts
    17 November 2018 in reply to confusedfriend

    Hello confusedfriend,

    Welcome to the forum. We are a friendly , caring and supportive community.

    I can see how confused you are by kissing your best friend, as you thought you had one type of relationship and then it seems to have change.

    I had no sisters only brother and had more male friends and than female .

    I have had experience when a best male friend has turned into a romantic friend but for me that didn't turn out very well and I also lost a friend. However for some friends things do turn out and a friend of mine married her best friend.

    The thing is once you turn it from a friendship to a romance it is very hard to back to being friends.

    I think it may help if both of you talk openly and honestly about what you want and do not rush into anything.

    You said he is unsure of what he wants and I assume you are young, I suppose both of you are unsure and a bit worried about what direction your relationship will take.

    If you do decide to have a romantic relationship and it does not turn out , who would that make you feel if you lost him as your best friend?

    Feel free to post here as much as you like and let us know how you are feeling.

    Quirky

  3. confusedfriend
    confusedfriend avatar
    2 posts
    19 November 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky thanks for responding

    me and him are young, and surprisingly it has been easy to talk openly with him about it. The last few days have been a little hard for me because I struggle hiding it and keeping it as a secret, and more than that I struggle acknowledging the fact that I’m currently being treated as a B side if you know what I mean, and I’ve allowed it.

    Me and him both agree our friendship comes first. He feels guilty and I am feeling it too but I think that’s because he’s seeing others, and for me I’m not used to it so it feels almost desperate for me (like if he was anyone else I don’t think I’d be particularly bothered by it, but he’s my best friend so it’s different). But at the same time it feels natural with him.

    Today I actually met the other girl he’s been with. I think now that I can put a face to a name and even though they are just sort of together for physical things it still feels wrong now that I’ve seen and met her and I think maybe it should be easier to say no to him.

    Equally I also had a panic attack over it yesterday, and have been feeling increasingly nervous about it all. It’s hard because my other friends think it’s just random anxiety, but I know how what it’s directed at but can’t say.

    I’m feeling okay right now and I’m just hoping maybe it phases out, or maybe we don’t have such a deep urge to just act impulsively and kiss again

  4. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    111 posts
    21 November 2018 in reply to confusedfriend

    Confused friend

    Thanks for your reply.

    I can see how you feel like the b side and were upset and confused enough to have a panic attack. He seems to see you as friends as he is seeing another girl and that maybe has made you nervous.

    Hopefully you can focus on your friendship and go back to how things were.

    Can you look after yourself so you don’t feel as anxious . you are very honest and caring person.

    Once again thanks for sharing your story.

    Quirky