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Topic: Losing friends, dealing with the hurt and worry of not making new friends

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. bon7989
    bon7989 avatar
    2 posts
    24 April 2020

    Hi,

    recently i have been constantly feeling that my friend group doesn't care about me and that in a way its time for me to move on. i was always scared to leave as I felt I wouldn't be able to find a new group. last month a certain friend and I had a falling out in which she said she felt she couldn't be friends with me anymore, this really hurt. Ive given her space and whenever we have a group facetime made sure to be nice and ask questions from time to time and engage. I've felt through this that others from the group have taken her side and made me feel even more lonely and miserable. i feel at this point I've tried my best to reach out but she isn't wanting to be my friend anymore and there's a divide in the group and eventually, they'll all choose her side. I'm wanting to know the best way to go about this, make it end as civil as I possibly can whilst still keep friends with certain people who have made it known to me that they are still there for me. i just am sick of waking up everyday wondering if ill be ignored again and feeling so miserable and defeated

  2. cabbagebus
    cabbagebus avatar
    1 posts
    27 April 2020 in reply to bon7989
    Hi bon,

    I wanted to reply to your post because I went through something similar about two years ago.

    I had two friends and during most of our friendship I felt excluded and sometimes put down. This led to feelings of sadness, loneliness and a sense that I was unwanted. Long story short, after a falling out, they stayed friends and I was on my own.

    At the time, I felt very hurt and alone. However, if I had stayed in that group, I never would have gotten close to all the wonderful people I’ve talked to in the past few years. People who are genuinely kind and try to make everyone feel welcome. People I find myself enjoying being around them much more than I ever did with my old friends.

    Everyone’s experiences are unique, and you may really enjoy the company of your friends which is why I wouldn’t necessarily suggest doing as I did. You are really the only person who can know how you feel, but, in my opinion, you shouldn’t have to wonder if you will be ignored and you shouldn’t have to feel miserable and defeated.

    What I’m saying is: Sometimes conflicts can’t be resolved, and sometimes they aren’t worth being resolved. I think it can be very damaging to your mental health and sense of worth to be around people who make you feel lonely and who you feel don’t really care.

    There is nothing wrong with stepping back a little bit or talking to new people. For example, over social media or messages. Moreover, You don’t necessarily have to make a severance from your group and instead you could focus on those friends who said they are there for you and have more one on one interactions with them.

    I don’t know the reasons for your falling out, but I know it’s always hurtful for someone to tell you they don’t want to be friends with you. You can’t make people want to be your friend, but don’t forget that you have a choice too. Try to surround yourself with people you trust and people who trust you.

    Also, everything I said is just my opinion! Maybe try talk to someone you know and trust who isn’t involved in the situation, like a parent, guardian, sibling, or trusted adult. Lots of people go through friendship trouble and I’m sure they’ll be happy to help.

    Best of luck,
    CB :)
  3. Alexa1401
    Alexa1401 avatar
    8 posts
    30 April 2020 in reply to bon7989

    Hey

    Recently I lost my whole friend group due to a similar situation to yours. Honestly the best thing to do is to find out of the group the friends you think will stay by your side and talk to them about how youre feeling. It sounds really scary but it will have the best outcome. Sadly you have to sometimes let friends go to find your true friends. Even today im still trying to find new friends, but the once who stuck by me are still with me anytime I need them and they need me.