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Topic: Losing Friends

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. askinforafriend
    askinforafriend avatar
    1 posts
    24 August 2019

    just making this post because i’m not sure if what i’m feeling is temporary or something somewhat serious.

    it started 2 years ago when i left high school in year 10 to work, the next year things were fine between me and my friends but i still found it so hard to cope with the changes.

    this year has been completely different, i got a boyfriend at the start of the year who i have known for almost two years & he has been the only one that’s really been there for me.

    i understand my friends are busy with school but they never make an effort to see me anymore, maybe it’s because i’ve become somewhat different to them now as i have a different attitude towards most things compared to them

    & i now smoke weed at least once a week and other drugs every now and then. i personally don’t think it’s entirely an issue or that it’s a bad thing because it’s just something i use to have a good time w my partner, which is things my friends have never experienced & why i probably feel so different to them.

    & out of anger and being overwhelmed about feeling so lonely, i left my group chat with all of my group in it because i was over them all talking about school. i never had anything to add to the conversation and when i did i never got a response & i never got a message asking why i left the group chat.

    i have also been very upset with most things in my life more than usual; i have no idea what i want to do with my life, i don’t have a close relationship with anyone in my family, i’m scared losing my friends and partner and i’m scared of failing in life.

    recently all these things have been on my mind and it constantly bringing me down, if my boyfriend is busy it makes me feel even more lonely as i have no one else to talk to, seeing my friends at parties that i wasn’t invited to makes me feel even worse about myself as well as seeing them succeed in school while i do nothing with myself makes me feel so upset & im not sure how to get out of this rut i’m in.

    so yeah that’s basically it, i just kind of want to know what else to do & why i’m feeling the way i do & yeah 💖💖

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    496 posts
    24 August 2019 in reply to askinforafriend

    Hi, welcome

    I think I know that feeling. It's like being marooned.

    I was in a car club once, that relied on Facebook to connect the members. I fell mentally ill and none of those people contacted me. This hurt me a lot as I treated 6 or so as close friends. I then realised a few things-

    • That you are "out of the loop" if you eliminated the main communication base. It isnt that they dont care.
    • That people with partners socialise less with single people.
    • That I was too self focussed, I had to learn to have less expectations and do more giving.

    The last one is important. People like attention. At gatherings or in messages people like to hear "what have you been doing, I missed you, you're such a special friend"

    During those opportunities you need to focus just on them. The benefit is, that grows friendships and then they will respond with care to you bit not straight away. A bit like fishing, you wont catch a fish without making the effort to throw a line in the water.

    And thats why I had to return to Facebook. Birds of a feather flock together.

    The final topic is drugs. No, I'm not going to lecture you. But your friends can and will judge your compatibility of friendship if they arent interested.

    I had a dear friend. We used to camp together. But at every camp I'd be collecting wood and cooking while he would gamble on line effectively we werent mentally "together". If he won he'd be on a high for hours telling me how he'd spend his winnings. If he lost he'd be depressed. So I eventually asked him not to gamble. He couldn't stop, he was by then addicted. I stopped camping with him. Sometimes he'd ring and invite me to, I'd refuse, it was pointless arguing so I didnt tell him why.

    I hope you turn some focus towards your friends needs. Make the effort to connect. You need to become special again so when your friends get party invites they WANT you there and ask for an invite for you. To achieve that you have to give them the attention, be proactive about it and take away your differences including drugs that they might feel is more important than them.

    I hope that helps