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Topic: Lonely in a Small Town and Looking for Support

22 posts, 0 answered
  1. Ghost Girl
    Ghost Girl avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019
    Hello BB members, I'm new here and am looking for some guidance. I'm 19 years old and I live in a small town. I'm really struggling lately because of my lack of a boyfriend/a really intimate close friend(s). I used to feel like I wasn't achieving anything since school ended because my friends went to uni, I didn't have a job and was generally not as successful or "grown-up" as my peers but things have been going really well for me lately; I've started doing a Cert 4 at TAFE, I finally got my drivers license, and I'm possibly going to be starting a council traineeship soon so now I have much more independence and more hope for my future but the more goals I tick off the list, the more pathetic I feel as far as my friendships and love life go. 3 of the people I went to school with are already engaged and I've never even had a boyfriend before. I didn't have any close friends until the middle of high school and now that they're at uni, I'm back to square one. I have friends around here but I don't have any really close friends that I can confide in, laugh with, and spend lots of time with. I wish I had a way to meet people but there's just not a lot of opportunities around here to hang out with people my age post high school. I was really hopeful I would make friends at TAFE and I've actually met a couple of people I get along well with but for the most part, the TAFE campus here is not very populated and thus not a great way to meet new friends. Going back to my love life, which has been the biggest factor in my depression lately, I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place because one of the only ways to meet single people around here is through dating apps which make me feel miserable but being single also makes me feel miserable. I'm so lonely that I have to imagine I have a boyfriend just to get out of bed and get through the day. I know I must sound pretty pathetic but I just feel really isolated, lost, and alone and I could use some support right now.
  2. insertaname
    insertaname avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to Ghost Girl
    I
  3. insertaname
    insertaname avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to insertaname

    Silly computer.

    I do not think you need a boyfriend. What you first need is a network of friends and family who are close to. You have achieved things e.g. getting a cert 4 and getting your driver's license. To be honest, each person has their own pace and I've never had a boyfriend until about Year 12.

    I don't want to generalise but he was only after one thing...

    Your friends may have achievements at university - but let me tell you I would rather go to tafe than university... the university i attend taught me nothing for the last 6 months!!!

    Who cares if they're engaged... there's also the word divorce, pre-nuptials... Why must you have a boyfriend or a confidante? Is there something personal that you want to discuss?

    Besides people change, and I wish you the best in finding people who you can rely on.

    J

  4. Ghost Girl
    Ghost Girl avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to insertaname
    Thanks for the reply insertaname but I don't really think you understand. You say I need a network of close friends and yet I said in my original post that I don't have any close friends currently in my area. You say I don't need a boyfriend and yet I'm literally failing to function because I don't have one... The only way I can stop myself from feeling worthless and depressed all day is by spending time with an imaginary boyfriend... Do you not think that's extremely unhealthy? I agree about TAFE being more beneficial for me than university so that's something I guess.
  5. Ghost Girl
    Ghost Girl avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to Ghost Girl
    No more responses... I should have known no-one would care about what I have to say
  6. insertaname
    insertaname avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to Ghost Girl

    I'm going to butt in and say what your thoughts are like are reminiscent of my younger sister. She ended up in an unhealthy relationship where he would use her sexually and for money. So I'm sorry that you feel you were not listened to and that you live in a small town.

    People read things differently - so in other words what you thought you wrote quite clearly in your post did not come across clearly.

    Jennifer

    Make the most of what you have got!

  7. Ghost Girl
    Ghost Girl avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to insertaname
    Believe me I try to make the most of what I've got and I'm honestly really grateful for the things I've been achieving lately and the people in my life. I'm sorry about your sister but I wouldn't be worried about me ending up in the same situation, I may crave a relationship but I still know my worth. I guess I'm just really struggling to find a way to combat my loneliness and my feelings of inadequacy regarding my lack of life experiences. Thank you for taking the time to reply Jennifer
  8. insertaname
    insertaname avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to Ghost Girl

    I am so glad to hear that you value yourself - your earlier posts worried me a lot!

    It does get being lonely but sometimes during those times it can make you a stronger person. You can rely on yourself and you don't have to second guess yourself. - I am a bit of a loner I struggled with it for years since Year 10 really but I guess I'm ok with feeling lonely. If you can fake or develop confidence in yourself you will achieve what you want. Everyone in the world has inadequacies - I for one am a socially awkward person in real life.

    I also do not have a lot of experiences but then again it depends on how you personally define experiences. Experience is just a word but it means many things. You're not inadequate and you're doing the right thing by coming here to talk on this forum... but this space seems to limited in responses

    Sorry if i hurt your feelings, but if you still want to chat we can do that too.

    Jennifer

  9. SammyB
    SammyB avatar
    6 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to Ghost Girl

    Hi Ghost Girl,

    Please know that we care about you.

    I understand how difficult it can be to resist comparing yourself to your friends. I think a lot of us can relate to you on this. As Jennifer has touched on, we are all on our own journey, with our own unique experiences, goals and interests yet can be so hard on ourselves with thinking ‘I should be at the same stage in life as them’. Not having a close support circle to lean on when feeling lost and alone can make things even more difficult . You say that your TAFE campus is not very populated, is there any opportunity to start up a club or group that may help with creating more opportunities to meet new people? Hang in there,

    Sammy

  10. Ghost Girl
    Ghost Girl avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to insertaname
    Don't worry, you didn't hurt my feelings, I just felt a bit misunderstood and ignored at first. You're all good now though
  11. insertaname
    insertaname avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to Ghost Girl

    Ghost Girl - just like you I have a long list of things that i feel inadequate about. It continues on after your teens. So try not to be so hard on yourself. This is what makes us human.

    I try not to compare myself to other people - You are the person driving the journey of your life. I just want to that the most important person in your life is you and that is the only person you need to make feel happy.

    Jennifer

  12. Ghost Girl
    Ghost Girl avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to SammyB
    Hey Sammy. Thanks for helping me feel a bit less alone. I thought about creating a campus study group but as you can imagine, there probably aren't enough people for that. I suppose I could still try to organise something like that but I doubt the turnout would be good unfortunately. I'm not sure what other kind of group for young people I could create since I wouldn't have the first clue about promoting it to people or finding a place to hold it. Other than that there is a theatre group near me which could be really beneficial since I loved drama at school and now that I have my license I wouldn't have trouble getting into town and back so that's my best option at the moment.
  13. insertaname
    insertaname avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to Ghost Girl

    In response to Sammy and Ghost Girl

    Do you use social media such as Facebook or Instagram to make clubs or social groups? Is there a signpost at TAFE where you post posters or flyers about your club?

    Jennifer

  14. Ghost Girl
    Ghost Girl avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to insertaname
    I definitely understand the importance of putting myself first but I just can't feel truly happy unless I have more companionship and support in my life. I do try my best though.
  15. Ghost Girl
    Ghost Girl avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to insertaname
    I have Facebook but I don't really use it. Posting flyers might work, it just depends on how many people at TAFE see it.
  16. insertaname
    insertaname avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to Ghost Girl

    I wish you the best on achieving a social group - social media such as facebook and posters at TAFE might help.

    E.g. "Lovers of Drama/Theatre" - Are you one of those people that love classic plays such as Travsties by Tom Stoppard? Visit our website, we welcome everyone to join the club."

  17. insertaname
    insertaname avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to Ghost Girl
    If possible... post it in the toilets too haha
  18. Ghost Girl
    Ghost Girl avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to insertaname
    Thanks insertaname, that really means a lot.
  19. insertaname
    insertaname avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to Ghost Girl

    If the topic is too narrow, you may need to expand further onto other interests you have. This may broaden the number of people you can meet. E.g. dancing, music, art, debating, walks on the beach, hiking.

    All the best with it, Ghost Girl

  20. Ghost Girl
    Ghost Girl avatar
    10 posts
    3 September 2019 in reply to insertaname
    Thanks insertaname, I'll take your advice on board. All the best to you too
  21. SammyB
    SammyB avatar
    6 posts
    4 September 2019 in reply to Ghost Girl

    Hey again Ghost Girl and Jennifer 😊

    It’s possible that there may not be a great turn out at first but like many groups, it often takes time to build awareness and interest. It can be quite rewarding to see a group take off and I’m sure you’ll discover like minded people along the way throughout this process...so I'd say go for it! Jennifer has a good point with using social media to gain further interest for your group. Your campus may even have a page set up for students where you can share your ideas and initiative.

    It must feel great to have this newfound independence with having your license and sounds like your local theatre group can be another promising opportunity to meet new people. Excited to hear how you go with it.

    Sammy

  22. 44Max44
    44Max44 avatar
    5 posts
    5 September 2019 in reply to Ghost Girl
    Hi Ghost Girl,

    I'm 20 years old and in the same boat as you. I've never had a girlfriend and have been on a single date in my entire life, as well as really only having one good friend who I've known since I was a kid. Because of this, I feel like I'm way behind the curve in the dating scene, and the older I get the more hesitant I am to get into dating.

    Honestly, the whole dating scene confuses me. I've tried online stuff to no avail, and I'm not the type of guy to go out to bars or clubs to meet girls, so I'm lost, to say the least.

    I'm sure you and I both will find 'the one' eventually, it's just a matter of when and how, but there's no rush, everyone goes at their own pace.

    I don't really have any advice that hasn't already been said, but I just thought I'd let you know that you're not alone in this.

    All the best,
    Max.