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Topic: Loneliness and emotional energy

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. dendron
    dendron avatar
    1 posts
    24 June 2019

    I don't have a lot of close friends at the moment. I lost touch or fell out with almost everyone from high school, and those I am still on friendly terms with are super busy. My partner and I are long distance (she moved interstate after graduation) and she's constantly working or studying. I didn't really click with anyone at uni, and the one person that I am close with from uni is someone I honestly find pretty exhausting to be around because of how fragile they always seem to be.

    Overall, I'm okay with not having a lot of people in my life. I've never really been a big-groups kind of person; I'm very introverted and I highly value my time to myself. I very often feel like my friends like me more than I like them, and always want to hang out more than I do, and I feel like a bad friend saying no too often even when I really don't want to see anyone. I don't really have the energy it would take to maintain any more close friendships, but I know having the company, support and even just the distraction would probably be good for me. During the uni semester I'm fine because I'm going to classes and talking to people, but during the break I can get kind of lonely. The people I actually want to see more are busy, far away, or not interested, and the people who actually want to see me, I don't really want to hang out with that often.

    I feel like the obvious solution would be to just get new friends that I actually mutually get along with, but I just don't really want to expend the energy doing that. I've met people that I get along with great and we have a group chat going, but I don't feel a drive to deepen any of those friendships. Maybe it's not so much loneliness that I'm getting as it is general bad feelings from not getting out of the house enough.

    Just wanted to put this into words and get it off my chest, but any support/advice is appreciated. Might not respond but I will be checking and reading responses.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. WhiteBear
    WhiteBear avatar
    3 posts
    24 June 2019

    Hi Dendron,

    I can certainly relate to your situation. I'm introverted too and have always found the social events such a chore. I still like to have social interactions however due to the fact that I get exhausted, I tend to say no more often than I should. Over the years this approach has distance me from a lot of friends. This was amplified for me when I was in a bad head space, and as a result my personality was very negative. We like to think that we can pick and chose our friendships, unfortunately the friends we generally like are popular and don’t want to be around someone that brings them down. Saying no will equally cause the same result.

    You can over analyse this, but the most important thing to do is to choose the friends that make you happy. Say yes more often than no. Be happy. Remember that you’re probably your biggest critic, so laugh at yourself, enjoy the moment and set sometime aside for yourself each week. Sunday is my day.

    Take it easy.

    WB

    1 person found this helpful