So the school holidays are finishing up, and since it's the start of the year, it's the start of a new grade and all of that. I'm going into Yr 9, and now it's sort of dawning on me that soon I have to think about getting a licence, and tricky school stuff and growing up...
The thought of growing up was never really something I fantisized about as a kid, like I just never thought It'd happen. Like something would happen, and I would never really get past "Now". It's a bit tricky to explain. But year 1 turned to 2, and 2 turned to 3 and so on, and now I'm in year 6 after a horrible incident just after graduation just feeling eteranlly sick (Anxiety sucks) and wow I finally think year 7's over and oh boy year 8's gone and now I'm here. And I don't like it.
I've always felt behind kids my age when it came to maturity in a way. Kids in my grade are currently posting stupid picture of themselves on the internet and beaning each other with apples, and I don't feel I can reach that yet. I have a learning disability as well, so that might explain stuff.
The actual thought of growing up, getting a job, having to drive and just do everything just makes me sick. The whole "Something will happen and you won't get past now" thing is only starting to really wear off, and I can't calm myself down much. I also don't really feel hungry as much as I used to, and I've been told I look a bit pale (To be fair, I'm pretty white though). Like I just can't handle things like I used to.
Middle school already sucks, and it's completly drained me, I don't have the energy for much anymore, and I now have weird habits, like I rub my hands together a lot, and my foot just can't stay still while I'm sitting. And I massivly pace. That, too.
I think the only things that have kept me sane for the past two years are a few friends, my favorite movie, and my imagination (I used to get paranoid it would go with age when I was like 12).
I'm running out of characters, and time, so yeah. I'll leave it at that. I spewed my words a bit, so sorry it's long.