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Topic: life is just getting too much

19 posts, 0 answered
  1. cripjay15
    cripjay15 avatar
    9 posts
    17 October 2019
    i am just really struggling at the moment. the past 18 months have been hell. i feel like i can’t escape the constant voice in the back of my head telling me to feel how to feel. exams aren’t even what i am anxious about it’s my “friends” who make me feel like this. classes are the easy part. happiness just seems to be getting further and further away. i just can’t find a way to get out of the darkness. i want and need help but i just don’t know how to get to it.
  2. MyLadyGirl
    MyLadyGirl avatar
    6 posts
    17 October 2019 in reply to cripjay15

    hello cripjay15

    I am glad that you have reached BB for help with your anxiety. Care to share what's your 'friend' is all about (if you feel like to open up). Friends are always there. Sometime you need to know if this 'friend' is really a true friend that can be trusted and want you in your life. Darkness is always there in our life and to bring the sun, sharing and expressing will bring light to your life. Don't give up on the bright side.

  3. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    69 posts
    18 October 2019 in reply to cripjay15

    Good Morning cripjay15

    I am so proud of you for reaching out, for speaking up and for finding a place to come and chat when you feel like you just dont know how to get help. There are some wonderful phone services, I am sure you are aware of lifeline 131114 as well as kids help line 1800 55 1800 I also understand that talking on the phone is not for everyone, but if you are really struggling to get through the next moment a call to lifeline is invaluable.

    People, friends, family ..it is all very hard to manage when you are a young person and finding out who you are but also who you think you are "supposed to be" and you are "supposed to be doing", I feel like there is alot of pressure on our young people. I hear that you want to get out of the darkness and you have made the very first step here by talking. Just a thought, but perhaps your friends are feeling somewhat the same way you are, and so they too are having trouble finding happiness and also dealing with feelings, emotions, pressure and life. Maybe just asking your friend/s if "are you ok?' "how are you feeling?' might open up a whole conversation, where not only you can support them but they can support you. They also might say that they are totally fine too, but perhaps you can then say "i kind of am not" and let them know you need some support.

    I am so pleased to hear tho that you are finding classes ok and that they are not providing an extra layer of pressure or stress for you, that is so great to hear.

    I am not sure if I have been helpful to you cripjay15 but I am so pleased you are here, there are so many awesome people to talk to and just dump your words here, feel the support as we are here for you and you have made a great start.

    Hope today finds something you can smile at.

    Hugs to you

    AS

  4. Ray216
    Ray216 avatar
    7 posts
    18 October 2019

    Hello

    Sad to hear that your life is unwell. May I ask what this "darkness" feels like? It is sadness or fear? And how are your "friends" causing it?

  5. cripjay15
    cripjay15 avatar
    9 posts
    18 October 2019

    i am just currently struggling with friends i feel as i try so much and do so much for them but it doesn’t came back to me. i have had a tough year with injuries and a whole lot of stuff and i just needed someone to be there for me, like i would for them. classes are the best part of the day because i can escape but even then i don’t feel in the right headspace

    The darkness i feel just represents how i feel at the moment. like there is a voice at the back of my head telling me when i can be happy and when i cannot. just recently i have felt in the darkness more then ever and i feel like sometimes i can never escape.

    and anxiety wise it never ends, the smallest things get me stressed and anxious. i struggle at school and then i just come home and it doesn’t stop. when i try to do something i enjoy like i play a lot of sport at a high level it just all of a sudden comes on and the voice just tells me oh well this wouldn’t usually stress other people out but for you it is gonna.

    i have had a few anxiety attacks lately so my parents have organised to speak to the school counsellor. but this is really stressing me out. everyone at school knows about it if u have a chat with him there is something wrong with you. my friends are going to know and they are going to ask and i feel i won’t be able to hold back anything anymore because it has been bottled up for so long.

  6. Ray216
    Ray216 avatar
    7 posts
    18 October 2019 in reply to cripjay15

    So sorry to hear that. Some of things I can relate to, some I can't.

    Regarding friends that take more than they give, it may be good to scale your own efforts back. Treat them as they treat you, or find some people who would give as much as you would.

    I've had crippling anxiety before, of the existential kind. So bad that nothing felt meaningful, and I was drowning in despair. I've found three things that helped, all recommended by my psychologist. Sounds cliche, but actually try it regularly and I'm sure it'll work. Breathing exercises, 4 seconds in, 4 seconds out. Exercise daily, and keep a journal of your feelings. Other than that, it helps to always think about the present, instead of the past or future.

    School can be a tough environment to have mental health issues. But you shouldn't feel ashamed for seeing the counsellor. If your friends are truly caring, then sharing your issues with them should be totally safe. Otherwise it may help to find some friends to share such matters with.

  7. MyLadyGirl
    MyLadyGirl avatar
    6 posts
    20 October 2019
    Cripjay15
    I know it’s hard to except things that is going with your life right now. When you hear this voice behind your head saying things what was your heart saying that time? Is it the same thing or do you feel deep hatrated.
    In today’s world society is difficult to except what and who we really are. We are bond to ‘friend’ not knowing or seeing if that ‘friends’ bring us joy nor happiness. Yes we need friends but when you are off to another stage of life, probably these friends will be gone or have a life. Friends will come and go. Don’t prioritise a lot or focus on that. Focus on what you want to achieve. Don’t worry about the gossip in school, it will disappear eventually. You love sports. Do good in it. When you are good in it, probably that friends will value you. We all need some one to look after us when we are down as how we were to them. You can post what’s bothering you as we will be here to support you as a friend till you feel better and happy. We will never judge you. I am sorry that I can’t be there but I can be here in your post advising you and lifting your spirit.
  8. cripjay15
    cripjay15 avatar
    9 posts
    20 October 2019

    ok here it goes:

    i have really struggled with sports injuries. out of the last 18 months i have been healthy to play sport for 3 months. about this time last year i got a stress fracture in my foot and were out of action for about 8 months. i went into depression and i really struggled. sport is my way of feeling free and letting out all my anger so without that i felt lost. it didn’t help that my friends keep treating me like shit. (not walking with me because i was too slow on crutches, leaving me alone at lunch to go off and play sport and so much more) this time i felt so alone and was nearly thinking about ending my life

    i pushed through and felt a passion for the gym after going though rehab. i got back to being stronger then ever and ended up having the opportunity of representing my state for sport. during my time there i hurt my knee pretty bad. and had to be out of sport for about 2 months. this time was practically worse then how it was before

    everyday i am just constantly reminded of this and it feels like this just practically haunts me

    i am just struggling at the moment. i have a couple issues at home. nothing too bad just my mum has a couple health issues and my brother with slight learning issues causing him to need a bit of extra help. he is in year 12 this year so it is a lot for him. so most of the time i have to be independent and do mostly everything by myself. this is all fine but when i am having issues with my life outside home it gets too much. my anxiety levels are so high every moment of the day being anxious before the school day has even started thinking about what could happen in the day ahead. this causes me to act out in other ways that people don’t understand why

    anyway i have so much more but this has been a lot just to open up like this. i hope you start to get the picture.

  9. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    69 posts
    21 October 2019 in reply to cripjay15

    Hi cripjay15

    I am so sorry to hear about your sports injuries and even more so seeing that sport was providing you an outlet, to feel free and let you anger out, I can totally see then how by having these injuries and stress fractures that not only has that stopped you from doing something you love but also impacted your metal health too, that is really tough to manage. I am so sorry to hear too that your friends didn't walk beside you when you needed them and consider how you would be feeling and that them going off to play sport while you were left by yourself is really hurtful and frustrating, especially seeing that you were not able to join in and when you tried that treated you like shit....but how amazing that you were able to come out the other side and be able to represent your state, you should feel so very proud of yourself, that is a huge achievement. However to then have that taken away by another injury is devastating. I can see how this would have felt worse than your original injury as the mental health element would have been so very tough.

    Even though you say you have a few issues at home but nothing too bad it does sound like all of these things are building up and that your plate is quite full at the moment. Also worrying about your brother with his issues and doing year 12, so very much to manage.

    I am so very proud of you that you are here and talking and please if you have more you would like to chat about you can do that too, but when you are ready. There are so many wonderful people here and although we may not have experienced exactly what you are, we have all had a tough road too, so you are most definitely not alone and it is just so nice to come and chat and feel supported and cared for.

    I just wanted to confirm one thing that you said you "felt so alone and was nearly thinking about ending my life"..I just want to check how you are feeling now and that see if that feeling or need has passed?

    Hope to chat soon

    AS

  10. MyLadyGirl
    MyLadyGirl avatar
    6 posts
    21 October 2019 in reply to cripjay15

    Hi Cripjay 15,

    I am very proud of you and extremely delightful that you have open up your difficulties. I will try my level best to be by your side through your hardship.

    I am sorry to hear that when you were injury your friends were not beside you as you were with them. Let me tell you something. Friends are like a tool only be there to see how cool being with them. A true friend is always there to support and be with you through hardship. What you have say to me is that your friends are there just for a simple friend they are not true friend. You should not be offended by the way they react because they only care for them-self. I know i am harsh but I want you to know that your are way better then them.You are great person and you are different and that's good. So don't take it too personal. The world is a large. There will be a true friend that will be with you for hard time. It's matter of time and patient. You will not know now but there is a person that beside you that you don't see is helping you silently.

    Saying that, with the things going around you, you had your hands full with your home. I know it's not easy when a family member is ill especially a mother.I had experience from my father and it's mentality disturbed. It was not easy initially but it will get better somehow. Nope that's a lie it will not get better because the love that you have towards your mother is care and worried hoping that she will be better. All I can say is you need to be strong and i know it's hard but you have us to console you through this stage. I am sorry that I can't hold your hand but I am always here to give you advice so is all the BB consultant. Saying that your brother with Year 12 which needs help can't you help him with his work or guide him. I am not sure where you are but if you are in VIC I have a very good tutor that can help your brother. She has helped a lot of student that is struggling with their studies.

    Being independent shows how matured you are and how you can handle things by yourself. I am proud of you. Don't think the next day. Think of today. We can't control the pass nor the future, we control the 'Now' meaning at this moment. If you think about the next day that when you develop your anxiety. Take a second and a minutes a time. Don't move fast. We (may or may not) have lots of time.

  11. MyLadyGirl
    MyLadyGirl avatar
    6 posts
    21 October 2019

    Cripjay 15

    Can you do me a favour. When you feel that anxiety and things get to chaos with your mind, try breathing slowly and calmly. And tell me how you feel. I know it's stupid and not logic but please do it for me.

    I know it's hard to open up so let's work with one issue at a time. But if you feel and ready to open up more we are all hear to listen and be by your side.

  12. cripjay15
    cripjay15 avatar
    9 posts
    22 October 2019

    my brother already has tutoring and lots of support around him and i don’t think i could help in any way. my issue is that he gets all that support. i know my parents don’t mean to but i feel as i am always second priority. like my needs aren’t as important as his. i have always been smart and independent and not required much help. at the moment especially since he is about to have exams is when i need help the most but i just feel i can’t get to it.

    what makes me feel the worst is that i have really nice friends around me, the people in my state footy team but what sucks is that they live all over victoria and i hardly see them. it makes me feel worse because i know there are people who share the same values and interest with me and really care and accept me for who i am but i am just stuck with the people who make me feel like shit

    currently my friends are what is causing me to be anxious all the time. two of have been getting into lots of things that don’t really go with my values like stealing from stores alcohol and drugs(sort of). i’m just really lost within what to do. i’m not really feeling comfortable with what is going on. it’s not like i can just blow them off and find new friends because i practically do everything with them as we are in the same sport team.

    i am just lost because my school isn’t like a normal school there is practically division between the people who do the sport program (me which i had to pull out of because of injury ) and the rest of the school so i really only have the option of what i’ve got.

  13. MyLadyGirl
    MyLadyGirl avatar
    6 posts
    22 October 2019 in reply to cripjay15

    Cripjay,

    Don't underestimate your ability where your parents support your brother more then you. It's could be that your parents trust your judgement and believe that what you do is better then him. Or perhaps that you are doing well that they know that you do not need support. It can also be that your brother is having a depression or is sad that he can't achieve the school standard that the school told your parents about it.

    I understand that we all need friends. However, if you feel that your friends does not meet your need as they have some weakness do not stand by their side even though you are hanging out with them. It will pull you down more. Try to minimize your appearance with them. Join other friends that you feel more comfortable with or do your planning so you can be better in it.

    Your parents are proud of you that you might not know as you are good in school and sports. They might not show it because of their ego but they really do. You feel upset not because you want to leave, you feel sad is because you are in the same sports with them that you may feel that they will tell other friends about you. Do not limit your friends. Try joining other people and I see that you will not be down.

    I know your sports are limited due to your injury and you are only can do what you are capable of doing but try to plan a sports that you know that you can do it without being injured. Can you explain more about your planning of sports?

  14. cripjay15
    cripjay15 avatar
    9 posts
    30 October 2019

    I don’t think i do this anymore. this week has just been the worst. talking to people about my problems makes me feel worse because i can’t tell them everything. the voice in back in my head keeps telling me to feel things i don’t want to feel. all i need is a true friend that is actually there for me. people are making me miss out of things i actually enjoy for their own benefit

    stress is getting too much. i can’t sleep. i am so anxious i can’t eat.

    what is the point of putting in effort with anyone when i’m never gonna get anything back? why can’t i be proud of my achievements instead of people making my feel shit about them? why do people feel like they can treat someone like this? why don’t people realise? why me? what have i done to you?

  15. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    69 posts
    31 October 2019 in reply to cripjay15

    Hi Cripjay15

    I am so pleased that you have come back to chat and let us know that you are not doing very well. I am so very sorry you are having a really bad week and that talking to people about your problems has infact made you feel worse, I just wanted to acknowledge though that you said you are struggling with talking to people and I assume you mean a professional or doctor or counselor, and that you feel you can't tell them everything, can you tell me everything? Maybe this is the reason that you are not getting the benefits from the sessions as you are not fully purging and getting what you need to off your chest. I know it is so very hard, but they are not there to judge or criticize you, just the same as people here, it is about support and comfort. I feel for you though as it is so very hard to be fully open and pour your heart out and feel so very vulnerable.

    The stress is really getting to you and you are not sleeping and not eating and feeling so very anxious and this too will be making it so very hard to get through the day, let alone with all the dialog going on in your head. I hear your cry out for a real friend and you have that here is us, we can't reach out and hug you but the support is here for you, just reach out and type...type away all the things inside that you want to purge and get rid of, we will help you to get through each day. If you are really struggling at the moment to get through the next day please call lifeline on 13 11 14 and someone can talk to you, help you get through right now.

    I am so sorry you are struggling to feel that you achievements are worth anything and that you just want someone to say that you are doing a great job and to keep on trying and you are doing well. It is lousy when our true friends and people we connect with are so far away, as for you with your friends in a different state, people who you really trust and want to spend time with, that must be so very difficult for you.

    I hope that the kids at your school have calmed down with the stealing and substance abuse and I am hoping that perhaps there are some other people who you can spend time with. It is hard to make friends especially seeing that you want to be with the sports kids but your injuries wont allow it, is the school physically split? Is it possible to still see some of the people you were previously friends with?

    This is a really tough time for you and I hope you can get on here and purge, get it all out.

    I am here for you

    AS

  16. cripjay15
    cripjay15 avatar
    9 posts
    2 November 2019

    i just feel in a never ending loop and that the people around me will never understand. the school counsellor was meant to see me again but he didn’t. even though i felt it didn’t help at the start, by the end of the week i just felt i needed to let it all out again.

    most days i have cried my self to sleep just in the last couple of days i have really lost my appetite. i am close with my mum and i try to talk to her but i feel she just doesn’t listen to me when i say i i can’t get over everything of what has happened. the hard part is i’m just stuck.

    there is a couple girls from the year level above me who i am good friends with but it’s not like i can start hanging out with them. our friendship is not really like that. mum just keeps telling me that i just need to not put much effort in with my current friends and just kinda suck it up. but i am just so pissed off that i don’t have anyone to go out with or catch up. i don’t have someone who has my back or i can go to parties with.

    the problem with the counsellor is that he is also the pt in my schools gym and already had a relationship with him. another problem is that one of my friend is also close with him and i know he doesn’t but it just feels awkward and i just don’t seem to get out what i have been bottling up for so long.

    i am just plain depressed. i can’t escape my feelings. i go to school and there is shit people and i have to go to basketball and continue to be with those people. if i go to footy it’s like i’m not allowed to be there and be good at it because my friends aren’t.

    my friend go out and don’t even ask me to come. they invite each other out to do all this fun stuff and don’t include me. then they come back and brag about how fun it all is. the worst part is that if i didn’t get injured in the first place this never would’ve happened

  17. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    69 posts
    4 November 2019 in reply to cripjay15

    Hi cripjay15

    It is great to hear from you although I am so very sorry that you didn't get to see your school counsellor, that is really disappointing, even though you mentioned it perhaps didn't help, the fact you were annoyed that they didn't schedule and appointment perhaps means that you did make some sort of progress there, which is wonderful. I am wondering if you can perhaps pop in and see them and give them a reminder to fit you in for an appointment? Although when you say that there is a problem with this as you had a relationship with him, I am not fully sure I understand, are you able to clarify this for me? Do you mean relationship like counselor/student or one of an emotional relationship?

    I hear how much you are struggling and that you feel just stuck, that you can't escape your feelings and that your friends are really letting you down, the girls in the older year level that you mentioned, are you sure that you can not make them friends, just because they are older doesn't mean you can't connect with them and make a friendship there. It is so hard to make friends and I can see what your mum is saying but I get that you are not feeling happy with that response as making a friend that you can hang out with and someone who has your back is important to you and I do get it as friendships are important to me too. I would tend not to give up on trying, it does take some time to find your people, and these girls may just be it, if you can try to put it out there to them and see if they want to catch up you might be surprised.

    The friends that you have now are letting you down by excluding you and that is really not a good feeling and it is not what friends do, so I would have to ask you if these people are actually worth the effort?

    I know you are angry for having your accident and as a result so many things in your life have changed, but it is called just that ..an accident..and you are not at fault or to blame. Things have changed for you and it does take time to find your feet again, please don't give up hope that your people are out there, they are..you just have to find them. It took my son 2 years at a new school to make friends and find his people, it was so very difficult for him and my heart just broke, that is why I feel for you.

    Hugs to you cripjay15 and hope something wonderful that has made you smile today happened.

    AS

  18. MyLadyGirl
    MyLadyGirl avatar
    6 posts
    5 November 2019 in reply to cripjay15

    Hi Cripjay 15,

    Welcome back. I did miss you and was wondering if you are fine. Did not want to pressure you but I am glad that you came back and express your depression and sadness of what is happening with your friends. I know being lonely really make someone lives miserable but because you are still young you may think that friends are important to you. They makes you happy. Your mom mentioning that 'my mum and i try to talk to her but i feel she just doesn’t listen to me when i say i i can’t get over everything of what has happened.' is probably she went through the same experience in life and realise later on that, it's not about it. Friends come for a trophy and we think we need them because we want to be just as popular with them. We think that hanging out with them is so cool and exciting. But we forgot that we have lots our true identity. Cripjay, you don't need a friend to be cool. You are cool and a great sportsman which you don't see within yourself. You are so into learning what your friend say and being with them as you have not given priority to yourself. When this happen, the years of feeling depress and sad develop making you realise that you are not important and his some how will develop in you as your grow. So do not feel sad and upset. Just because your friend is close to you PT teacher does not mean you can't talk to him/her, just because you are hanging around high level girls they may not like you. They may cause they may think your matured and your cool to hang out with. Maybe you can ask them see what their response is.

    I know it's hard to not have friend but you may not realise that it give you a bit of freedom and help you develop your self esteem up abit. A cooling period from things and that's where you realise who's your friends really are. Your friends will leave high school soon and so is you. Until them try being with them. Or probably act with them showing smiley face. Let them feel jealous for a while..

    Just hold on there my friend. It will take time but you will realise soon..

    Hugs and supportive friend.

  19. cripjay15
    cripjay15 avatar
    9 posts
    29 November 2019 in reply to MyLadyGirl

    I don’t know what’s wrong with me. for a point in life i was happy just for a little and i thought i was back on track to enjoying life again. but then that split moment just disappears again but the worst part about it is that it feels normal and that if i feel any other way then it’s weird.

    It is almost like i put on a happy face around people but on the inside it feels pitch black. i am anxious to do just about anything

    my school counsellor only just saw me again this week. i was glad that i could maybe have the chance to vent out my problems again but he only let me really talk about what is going on at school but in reality i am struggling with all aspects of life.

    i am just so bottled up that i feel i will explode. my mum didn’t get a job that she applied to and she is really down at the moment and i can’t vent out anything to her right now. i am just lost i thought being back at sport would make me feel better but it really isn’t. i am in a new basketball team and i am the youngest and i have just completely lost all confidence in my ability to play so i just feel really down about that.

    there is so much more but i just can’t explain how i feel. i just am used to pushing down all my thought that it has become a habit