This is my first time posting on these forums (or forums of any kind) so I’m still new to this system.
Anyways, I’m a high school student and have been struggling with self confidence and body image for a very long time now. Although lately, it seems it’s all toppling in on me.
I have quite a close knit friend group and can get lonely pretty quickly. It seems all my best friends have got friends that they prefer over me, which I don’t really blame them for, due to me being quite ugly and annoying. One of my closest friends has recently distanced herself from me, and started lying and making excuses to avoid talking to me.
I hate looking in the mirror and seeing myself every morning. On the bright side, I have started a healthy diet and workout routine which makes me feel somewhat better...however, this isn’t a health forum so I will continue.
I feel as though others find me as unattractive as I find myself, and that I will never find love or happiness in the future because of it.
This self-hatred has stopped me from enjoying the things I love to do such as writing, drawing and studying history. Although these things can sometimes make me feel better, the lingering thoughts of my self-hatred always find a way to come back into my mind. Intruding if you will.
I like to think of myself as a positive person with occasional bad days. But recently, my ‘bad days’ have increased drastically. Because of the ridicule and embarrassment I gain due to my looks, I believe I have become a more empathetic person, as I try to relate and show kindness towards others who suffer similar experiences. i truly believe kindness is the most important thing in this world, even if It’s rarely given to me.
I have dreams of traveling the world and writing books, raising a family and finding happiness in love. I feel as though I will never see these dreams come true, and I will always live like this. Hating mirrors and being lonely.
Is there anything I can do to make me love or even tolerate myself more?
I thank anyone who replies to this in advance. - LR