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Topic: Just a vent

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. rubymarie4
    rubymarie4 avatar
    3 posts
    22 November 2018

    In my life I don’t really have anybody to confide in or express my feelings to, so I’m just going to use this as an outlet to get everything that has happened over the past year off my chest. I had to move schools due to having had created a large amount of drama surrounding myself, I had an eating disorder and my obsession with self image and being what I considered good enough for the people around me became crippling to my mental health and began to impact my friends and family. As a result of this, many people at the school heavily disliked me. Over school break, I was able to try and come to terms with my disorder and slowly became more comfortable with myself through talking to friends and family. I still struggled with the loss of all of my valued friends that I had at school as a result of what I did to myself, and the reputation I had made. The following year, I moved to a new school. I knew a girl there and was friends with her already so I was able to acclimate okay into the new environment. But slowly I began to realise that people seemed to enjoy making fun of me more than they did really hanging around me. When I came to the table they would leave. And when I left they would gossip about me and laugh and point. Eventually I was able to succumb to the societal pressures and just watered my personality down so they wouldn’t hate me for being myself. I stopped expressing myself, and talking loudly and doing everything that they hated me for. Things were okay but throughout all of this my anxiety had been peaking. I began self harming everywhere I could and I felt out of control and lost touch of reality. School became increasingly harder and I began binge eating as a result of the stress. Towards the end of the year, I stopped going to school. I refused to get out of bed and when confronted by my parents I wouldn’t fight back, I would just cry. I stopped going for weeks on end, I would just stay alone in my room and cry. It was a low point for me. As a result, a repeat of what happened at my last school began to

    happen again. My friends did not understand why I wasn’t at school, they thought I was being ignorant and mean. My closest friend, began to hate me for seemingly no reason. She never told me why. She has started spreading rumours about me, making everyone who I had tried so hard to make like me hate me once again. I have been so sad lately. I have left school for the past 3 months and not gone back. I’m now moving towns.

  2. Summer Rose
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    Summer Rose avatar
    22 posts
    22 November 2018 in reply to rubymarie4

    Hi Rubymarie

    Welcome to the bb forum. Thank you for sharing your story and I really hope that you felt better after venting.

    You've had a really rough time, sweet girl. I'm so sorry that you've been unwell with an eating disorder and that your friends and peers haven't been supportive. Even worse that some have been deliberately unkind.

    Unfortunately teenage girls aren't renowned for kindness and compassion. It's really a difficult time in life for many people and you are not alone.

    My daughter experienced similar grief. She fell ill in year 7 with OCD and her friends couldn't understand her behavior and judged her harshly. To be honest, they bullied her. I know it's heartbreaking.

    But I also know it gets better. You have a fresh start coming up and the chance to make a real friend at a new school. Believe me when I say "there is a lid for every pot". You hang in there, sweet girl.

    Kind thoughts to you

  3. rubymarie4
    rubymarie4 avatar
    3 posts
    22 November 2018 in reply to Summer Rose
    Thank you for your kind words. This is the first time I have ever really felt listened to, I really appreciate your advice.
  4. Summer Rose
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    22 posts
    23 November 2018 in reply to rubymarie4

    Hi Rubymarie

    I'm sorry that you have not had someone to talk to who you feel has really listened. I am happy to provide you with a listening ear and you can use this thread as much as you want to express your feelings and seek support.

    Please remember that you have done nothing "wrong". No one can help falling in. Mental illness does not discriminate, anyone can be affected at any time. And fighting a mental health condition in high school is hard. I reckon it's like climbing a mountain in a blizzard, whilst weighed down by an invisible lead coat.

    But the flip side of the story is that people also get better. The storm will pass and it will get easier. My daughter has reached recovery. She graduated high school. She has found friends that are supportive and non-judgemental.

    What I'm saying is that it is possible for you to move forward. Life can get better. The key is to get the right treatment.

    No pressure to answer, but I'm wondering if you are receiving any professional help and how that is going for you?

  5. rubymarie4
    rubymarie4 avatar
    3 posts
    23 November 2018 in reply to Summer Rose
    I have not yet received any professional help, where I live it’s hard to get help, and being in a small town I feel like there are not many oppurtunites for me to. I am hoping that with moving to a new and bigger city it will enable me to open up and get the help I need. I am also going try and get a job so I can motivate myself and give myself a reason to wake up in the morning. Even though I do plan on getting some form of counselling or professional help, I find it very hard to open up about my feelings without becoming overwhelmed or uncomfortable. I am not sure if I could cope with counselling or anything like that, or if it would worsen my anxiety.
  6. Summer Rose
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    22 posts
    23 November 2018 in reply to rubymarie4

    Hi Rubymarie

    I can totally understand the challenges you face seeking professional help in a small town. And I also appreciate how hard it is to open up and talk in a counselling session. It really takes time to build a good working relationship based on trust with your counsellor. But I also know it works. I have seen my girl heal and go on to reclaim her life.

    A couple of other ideas for you to consider. First, you can talk with your regular doctor/GP. Second, when you start at your new school you may find there's a teacher you can talk to. Third, you can seek counselling over the phone or online. It might be easier for you to talk if you're not face-to-face.

    Kids Help Line has counsellors you can talk to by calling 1800 55 1800 and you can also talk online. You could also try the Butterfly Foundation for Eating Disorders on 1800 33 4673.

    There is no pressure to act, sweet girl. But the numbers might come in handy one day.

    I'm wondering if mum or dad know how badly you're feeling and what they might think about counselling?

    Kind thoughts to you