The last 2 years have been a lot, you know when you feel it snowballing and you just can't get out. I've always struggled with it but life seems to be getting bigger and worse. At 21 years old my mum has just moved back overseas, which has left me feeling alone. I had to let her go so she could get better for herself, so she could get through her depression after a sexual assault. But it's pushed me into my own depression now, which I can't tell her about or she'll want to come home. I haven't spoken to my dad in years, since she's left i've been revisiting the idea of opening communication back up, but he's hurt me too much, they say forgive and forget but that must run out at some point right? I just feel like an orphan. I'm in a loving relationship which I am so grateful for. He is my rock, the love of my life, but he doesn't always understand which isn't his fault. I've lost my dog this year and have been made redundant from a job I love. I'm unemployed and just left with my thoughts all day long, there's only so much netflix a girl can watch. Lots of good things have also happened the last couple of years too, but there not pushing me through like they usually would.
To add onto it all, a couple weeks ago I found out I had an early miscarriage which I didn't think upset me at the time. But since then a close friend has lost her brother, and her loss is making me think of my own. I'm not quiet sure if it's the miscarriage or the idea of losing something that could've potentially made me happy, or just having something else in my life be taken from me.
I thought I had been through enough during my childhood, and thought the universe would be kind to me later on, it's now later on and my luck won't change. But I know we make our own luck in this world, I'm hoping each heart break makes me stronger, each tear makes me happier and each loss makes love harder.
I hope anyone reading this can understand i'm in a bad place right now, i'm needing to vent, and just wanting someone to listen.