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Topic: In a rut

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. lclaire01
    lclaire01 avatar
    2 posts
    1 January 2019

    Hi,

    I was diagnosed with major depression with suicidal tendencies and anxiety when I was 14 years old (now 22). I've been on and off medication over the last 8 years. The last time I was on medication was a year ago. I have been studying at university interstate for the past 5 years, I grew to love the town and I made the best friends I've ever had. I recently graduated university and we all went our separate ways with most of my friends starting work soon. I've moved home as I haven't found work yet. Since moving home I've just felt hopeless, I have so much grief and worry, dreading starting a new life somewhere else and loosing the friendships I made. I'm not ready to say goodbye to the old life I had because it feels like the last time I was truly happy. Since being home I'm constantly tired, my self esteem has plummeted, I feel worthless, disgusting and not good enough. I have this overbearing weight of sadness on me. I am constantly putting myself down telling myself I'm not good enough to get a job and picking apart my body, questioning why I'm not good looking or skinny enough for any guy to be interested in me. I have one genuine friend left in my hometown, but I'm feeling this crushing loneliness, I feel like I have no one. Part of my anxiety is social anxiety and the thought of moving to a new town and making new friends is so stressful because I feel like I'm not good enough or interesting enough for people to want to hang out with me.

    I'm just constantly depressed and I don't know how to get out of it, I just want to feel like I did before I moved back home but it feels like there isn't and end in sight.

  2. jess334
    Community Champion
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    jess334 avatar
    20 posts
    2 January 2019 in reply to lclaire01

    Hi lclaire01,

    First I'd like to extend a warm welcome to the BB forums. I hope you will find some support here.

    Well done on graduating uni! I know how tough study can be when you are also struggling with depression so it is a huge achievement that you were able to complete your degree.

    Leaving uni and moving home is a really big change. It will probably take some time for you to adjust. It's not easy to make new friends with social anxiety, but since you have made friends in the past so you know its not impossible.

    I understand that finding work is tough at the moment (I'm also job searching) and it can also play a big part on our mental health. It's hard not to feel worthless when you don't get interviews or in some cases even replies from job applications.

    It's important to remember that there are likely literally hundreds of people applying for each job at the moment and many of them have the same skill levels. You haven't mentioned your field, but is there the option of getting an agency to help you find work? Temp agencies also help people find permanent positions and a lot more companies are outsourcing their recruitment now days.

    Have you spoken to your GP or health professional about your mental health since you moved back home? You might find some psychologist counselling or going back on medication will help get you through this tough time.

    kind thoughts, Jess

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