ugh, where do i start? i just really wish that i was a child again. i never really appreciated it when i actually was that age, but now i look back and i think, 'wow, my life was so much better back then.' i wasn't struggling with my gender identity, i didn't have to worry about my body developing (and the fact that i hated it), i wasn't put under ridiculous amounts of pressure to do assignments and work hard all the time...i had it good.
but it's not just those big things that make me want my old life back. it's the little things too. it's the fact that people stop squealing and calling you 'cute' after a certain age, and that you're expected to watch some sort of weird teen drama series instead of winnie-the-pooh (yes, i still watch it lol), and that you're never going to get those cute little kids' activity packs at the airport anymore. it's the fact that never again am i going to get smiley faces drawn in ketchup on my dinner plate, or be read a bedtime story at night, or be able to play children's games at lunchtime (without being judged) instead of just mooching around talking to my friends. no, instead i'm expected to study, study, study, and when i'm not doing that, i should be scrolling through instagram looking at all these cool new dresses and makeup kits and whatnot.
i guess you could call this all very bittersweet. i was looking at the DVDS i used to watch when i was 6 years old and i just cried. i remembered watching all the same scenes as a child, and felt strangely happy - but also so sad that i'd never get back to that time when life was simple and i had nothing to worry about.
and the worst part is, it's not going to get better from here; i still have years of school left. life was so much better back then.