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Topic: I want to join a group, have tried, but I get so overwhelmed at all these new people I don't know at all.

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. rollerskater1
    rollerskater1 avatar
    3 posts
    29 August 2019

    I moved schools at the start of this year, and all year I have struggled with making friends. I have made a few(around 3-4) but none of them are in one group, and so I've had to choose which social circle I want to join. I am particularly good friends with one person, and she has a group that at first seemed nice, and I have numerous times sat with them, yet failed to make any connections.

    I don't speak in the group conversations, and several members intimidate me, as I feel as if they are very judgy. Several times I have just got up and left because I was so overwhelmed, and I hate it. I hate not being able to just relax, and join in, and make myself known. The friend I have in the group says I need to speak up more, and that going off will not help(which I agree with), but I have such low self-esteem that I can't join in out of fear.

    Does anyone know what I should do? Is this a lost cause, and should I try elsewhere, or should I continue to keep trying, despite not feeling great? I dont know what to do; I still have an entire year left of school, and I don't want my final year to be filled with the same stress and anxiety of this one.

    I have friends outside of this school, from sports and my old school, and it has become so bad at my new place that I feel moving back might be one of the best options, for myself, and my overall wellbeing.

  2. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    8708 posts
    31 August 2019 in reply to rollerskater1

    Dear Rollerskater1~

    You are welcome here in this group. I've read your post and also the one you wrote to it2ly. As you can see getting in with an existing group is not straightforward. A lot is the fact you have changed schools and are probably looking at people who have been together for years, got used to each other and hang together as a result.

    There is a big drive to be part of a group and if you are on the outside not only do you miss the companionship and security, but it can make you feel you are lacking in some way -untrue but sadly part of human nature.

    You do have one good freind and some others, and that is something special. It does not mean you are identical though, and if a friend is already part of a group you sort of feel like you should be able to just join up too.

    Well, you probably can, but it is not an instant thing. Also that particular group my not be to your taste. Some like a particular sort of music, of games, of sport, well just about anything. You can end up bored witless with a bunch of people that go on and on about something you don't have any liking for.

    I've been to many schools becuse my parents moved around a lot and I normally ended up with just one or two good friends, and not really being part of any group. I'd hang out with them if my friend did, but it was not that enjoyable.

    Like you I'd feel out of it and wonder if it was me.

    It is not a lost cause, later on when things settle down I was in a group, and I came to the conclusion it was basically time and common interest, we played D&D. I got used to them, they got used to me.It became something to look forward to.

    Going back might not work as you expect, the people you knew before will have changed and adapted. Just remember the good times you had with them and look forward to the fresh ones where you are now.

    Can I suggest you keep your existing friends but simply follow what you like and see what happens?