Let me share something. I hated growing up. I'm way past my 18s by a few decades. I hated being a kid, I hated being a teenager and I hated being a young adult. I came to terms with myself now, but it was not easy. And I frankly... mostly roll with the punches these days. Yet, I try to make the best with what I have. It is not a skill easily learnt. It takes your entire life.
Back then I felt myself lost, I angered fast, I couldn't forgive myself. I hated people around me for reasons that today are so silly and petty. I couldn't understand people's motivations. I struggled finding value in work or study, as it felt empty and meaningless.
It is extremely hard.
But you can do it, I can do it, you can do it too. You take one day at a time, you simply don't give up. Never. You fail, you try again, a different way. You find ways, you make your own game. Pick a long term goal, break it, find a starting point and go for it. You may fail, you try again. You never give up. At one point, I guess, it becomes a bit easier, and things will be a bit less uncertain.
Write a journal, or come here and share your thoughts. Maybe you will never touch your journal again, maybe you will write in it every now and then, but try, if you don't have one. It helped me a lot in these horrible days I had growing up, being hated and hating as well. Unable to understand why the world makes no sense.
One last thing, I understand you don't like reading, so I'd recommend looking up a Youtube clip from Tom Bilyeu on "How to Make Yourself Immune To Pain"
It's about David Goggins, he gave an interview about his life on Impact Theory. He was bullied to no end. Had no idea what to do with his life. I only watched this video a few weeks ago, I wish I had seen it when I was younger (technically impossible).
I hope this helps. It is not easy coming out and putting these words here. It takes a lot of guts to open yourself like this. That's great.