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Topic: i hate myself

  1. Vicbuilder
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    3 posts
    9 November 2019 in reply to justarando

    Hey,

    I just want to jump in and suggest to speak with a GP and possibly a psychiatrist regarding medication - i went to about 3 psychologists over the course of 10 years and nothing really changed, medicine sometimes gets a bad wrap but it totally helped me do a 360 on my life.. just speak to a psychiatrist or gp about this and see if it helps, these feelings can sometimes be caused by genetics like it was for me (on top of bullying and self doubt).

  2. Aaronsis
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    10 November 2019 in reply to justarando

    Hey Julia

    Sorry to take so long to reply, bit of a crazy weekend really, running around after kids with sport and out for dinner with some friends, so I am actually looking forward to going to work to have a rest..lol..I am in Melbourne too and it was nice to have Tuesday off but had to work o Monday.

    I have a few friends who are also orthodox as so am very familiar with both Christmas and Easter for you, a really busy time, fun but I get it also a little overwhelming too if you need some quiet time.

    I get what you mean about Christmas shopping and wondering if people will like what you have picked, but you know what...as a mum..my kids could get me a crappy Gnome on a stick and I would still love it as they have chosen if for me and thought I would like it, I guess what I am saying is that if you pick something with love and pick it with the person in mind, people will love it as you have given them something you think that they will love.

    Have you done your performances? How did they go, I have been thinking of you doing your thing on stage, I am sure that you are amazing and that you put the biggest smile on your family's face.

    Big big hugs to you Julia

    Chat soon

    Sarah

  3. justarando
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    10 November 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    hi sarah

    yea i finished my performances saturday night. it was definitely an emotional time when saying goodbye to the people id probably never see again (since you retire from the company or can quit), however quite happy it’s over. they all went fairly well. however, with what vicbuilder said, do you reckon its worth seeing a psychiatrist or something? i dont know if my issues are even that bad and if not, when to go if they worsen?? i don’t know was just curious

    julia

  4. Aaronsis
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    11 November 2019 in reply to justarando

    Good Morning Julia

    Well done on the performances and I hope that you have some wonderful memories that you will have forever. I am so proud of you for getting involved and seeing this through as I know it was so hard for you to do that. I also hope you can keep in touch with some of the people that you made connections with and remain friends.

    I think vicbuilder has a good point. How would you feel about a trip to see your doctor and to let him or her know how you are feeling? They can then chat to you and give you some support and some tools and you can think about what they have said and see if you feel like it has been helpful. Have you spoken to your parents about how you are feeling? I know this sounds like a lot and is very overwhelming, but if you are thinking "well I dont know what to say", you could show them your post on here as you have expressed beautifully how you are feeling and what you are thinking and are communicating wonderfully. That way you can get it out without having to go over it all again, if that seems like an option.

    Please let me know what you think about this, certainly no pressure at all but it might be worth a thought.

    Hope you have a great day Julia

    Chat soon

    Sarah

  5. justarando
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    24 posts
    11 November 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    hi sarah,

    ever since i decided i wanted to move schools my mum noticed i have like no faith in myself and have low self esteem etc. but she doesnt know the full thing but i sort of cant be bothered explaining. and if i were to go to someone i dont really know how to ask to go. plus, naturally im just very awkward i feel like i wont be able to say everything i feel aha

    Julia

  6. Aaronsis
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    11 November 2019 in reply to justarando

    Hey Julia

    I get what you mean by about not knowing where to start or how to ask, it can be very overwhelming and a lot to think about, if you just want to stay here for a bit and chat and get some comfort and support that is totally fine, if you really would like to go to a doctor and you dont know how to ask your mum I could help with some starters for you? I am just thinking that if my daughter was feeling like she might like to go to a doctor I would want her to tell me so I could get her there and I think that your mum would feel the same.

    You could say "mum, this is really awkward and hard for me but I am having a hard time at the moment and I would really like to have an appointment at the doctor". She is naturally going to want to know more information as to why and what is wrong and you can tell her as much or as little as you want, or you could write it down so as she could read it and you wouldn't have to go through it again. All in time though and when you feel comfortable and ready to. Just sit with this idea and see what you think, but like I said, no pressure at all and I am always here for you to chat to if you just want to do that too.

    How was your day today?

    Big hugs to you Julia

    Sarah :)

  7. justarando
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    24 posts
    11 November 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    hi Sarah,

    i just dont know if going to any doctor is necessarily like am i even that bad? compared to other people, barely. people go through worse than i do, isnt how i feel normal? i genuinely dont even know. As for today, yea alright i guess however to be honest did have a bit of a “down moment” for a couple hours but i dont know its probably normal.

    julia

  8. Aaronsis
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    12 November 2019 in reply to justarando

    Good Morning Julia

    I am sorry that you had a bit of a down moment today, that is good that is was only a moment tho.

    In regards to your question about if you should/need to see a doctor and are you even that bad...I wish I could wave a wand and answer that one for you, see...only you know the answer to that one...I think that teenagers have so much pressure and expectation on them these days and there is so many feelings and dialogue that goes on internally, that is all apart of the journey I suppose I guess it is how you are feeling about it all, does it become so overwhelming you want to just fall in a heap and cry?, mostly do you feel ok?, there are so many variables as we are all different. Also please dont compare your beautiful self to others, as so very hard this is, this is your journey and what others go through might be "worse" or "better", they might seem "normal" or "weird" but we are all who we are and the only person who knows how you are feeling in you is....yep you!

    I will chat here with you til the cows come home..lol...I really enjoy being able to support you on your journey, but if you feel like you need more or the days are getting harder then I would get some other support too, I will leave that one for you to think about...

    Just for laughs tho if you want to imagine something really funny, picture a 44 year old mum doing TIKTOKS.....yep that is my life atm.....are you into any of that sort of thing, my daughter is obsessed and I always get dragged in to the mix.

    Hope today is a good one, although the weather is a bit lousy.....

    Huge hugs to you

    Sarah

  9. justarando
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    24 posts
    12 November 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    hi sarah,

    yea idk if i should go or not i dont have like any stigma or anything against it i just like dont know if it’ll help you know? but anyway last night i talked to one of my friends about how ive been feeling (he suffers from depression and anxiety so he understood) and he said i’m probably better off getting some help. and with the tiktoks, aha yes for one of my assignments ive literally got to do a video and we are incorporating tiktoks in it oops.

    Julia

  10. Aaronsis
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    12 November 2019 in reply to justarando

    Hey Julia

    LOL about the Tiktoks, they are so funny, I just had to do the one last week with my daughter that goes like "I got muscles like superman trainer.."...yeah well, I am not sure you will see me on Australia's Got Talent anytime soon, although they are fun and my daughter likes it when I do it with her.

    That is so great that you had a chat to your friend, even just to have some face to face chat about how you are feeling is really great and I am glad that you have him to understand and to bounce ideas off. There is no rush and you can sit with the idea and see how you are feeling, there is no pressure to go to the GP but if you feel like you can no longer manage how you are feeling then you know that there is an option for you there. That is really great that you have no stigma against going to see a doctor, you are not alone in going and so many of us have been and had the chats about our mental health. You are a very smart and intelligent girl so I feel like you will know if you need to.

    I have to make a speech at my brother's school, they have created an award in his name to give to a person that tries, that doesn't always get A's but really tries, like and encouragement award, the thing is it will happen on speech day and that is in front of the whole school and their families.....eeeekkkkkkk.......the plus is I can buy a new dress but I am freeeaaaking out....and tips for my performance????

    Hope that today has been good and that you have had a laugh.

    Hugs to you Julia

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  11. SandraC87
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    1 posts
    12 November 2019

    I don't know if this is of any help to you, but many years ago when I struggled with self-worth, what "cured" me overtime (this was not overnight, this was LONG term) was learning to love myself by loving others. This was a practise that I had to intentionally, mindfully adopt and keep enforcing overtime.

    We all judge people - if anyone truly, honestly never does, I would love to meet them and learn from them. Judging is a natural thing and it's how we, as a social species that wants to survive, assess the safety and fruitfulness of our surroundings. It's how we survive. It's normal.

    I found that once I started pushing myself to think more kindly of others, I could slowly SLOWLY start thinking more kindly of myself - and by treating others with a committed kindness, and seeing them appreciate it, I started building self-worth through having a positive impact.

    An example... I used to hate my nose - I thought it was way too big. Then I started looking at other people with big noses - and there are many - and realized I was judging them, too... maybe not as loudly and hashly because I was more obsessed with myself and them. Once I started seeing that other people with big noses can be incredibly beautiful as well, I kind of got over it. My nose is big. So what. The world didn't end when my nose grew too big.

    Ultimately our value is not in our appearance (it fades), our talents (they are forgotten) or our personality (we change throughout our lives). The only value we can truly have and hold is how we make the people around us feel - not to the extent of extreme self-sacrifice, honestly... but if enough people enjoy being around you, because you make them feel appreciated and supported in a healthy way, you will start to create room in your mind to believe that you in fact DO have value.

    1 person found this helpful
  12. justarando
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    24 posts
    14 November 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    hi sarah and sandra,

    ok answering sarahs question, i too am not good at public speaking but i guess the best thing is just practicing and having cue cards. perhaps even practice to other people and in the mirror.

    sandra, i mean ill try but its sort of difficult. self worth has been an issue for me for years and years and is increasingly getting worse per day. its overall hard to, as you said get photos, as there’s practically nothing about myself i actually like apart from the other people in my life. thank you for the idea though and ill try to do it i just dont know if it will help aha

    julia

  13. Aaronsis
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    15 November 2019 in reply to justarando

    Hey Julia

    Thanks for the tip on the mirror, that is really helpful, I gave that a go last night and it is weird seeing yourself talking to your self but it actually works, so I am going to keep doing that.

    Hope you are doing well, I was just thinking so much about how you are feeling about yourself and I am wondering how we can help you see how wonderful you are. I was happy to read that you do "like the people in your life", that is awesome, I would just like you to have some love for you. So I don't have the answer yet but I am going to go away and find out as I would really like to help you on this journey to find some love for you as you are such a caring and wonderful young lady and I would like to help you see that too..if you would like that is....

    So yay it is Friday....do you have anything planned for the weekend?

    I am somewhat excited as I am going to buy new shoes for the presentation day...I love shoes..lol

    Hope to chat some more soon Julia

    Sarah :)

  14. justarando
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    24 posts
    16 November 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    hi sarah,

    sorry i took a while to reply my account isnt working. well i just had people over for a sleepover and went to town to watch a movie with some of my friends. tomorrow im having lunch with my family. thanks for putting time into talking to me and trying to find new ways to help me, i really appreciate it. and as for you, what are you doing/have you done this weekend?

    julia

  15. Aaronsis
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    16 November 2019 in reply to justarando

    Hey Julia

    Please do not be sorry for taking time to reply, i am happy you are out there living your life, that is really great that you have been spending time with your friends and had a sleep over and then saw a movie..what did you see? Lunch with the family sounds great, I miss those sorts of things, my family is kind of all over the place so those things tend not to happen so often. I have had my mum come stay with me this week so I took her home today, watched my daughter play netball and did some housework....hugely exciting weekend for me..lol..I am actually just enjoying some quiet time tbh...tomorrow morning baseball and then some grocery shopping...#mumlife..lol..all good though as Christmas will be here before we know it and the kids are getting there lists in already..hmmmm ...earpods..lol

    It is my absolute pleasure to help you and be here for you, I want you to see the amazing girl that I can see you are and as I said, I am going to do some research into finding ways to develop your self love so that you too can see the beautiful girl that your friends and family see..and that I get to chat to.

    I am off to do my teeth whitening now..lol

    Chat soon Julia

    Sarah

  16. justarando
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    24 posts
    18 November 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    hi sarah,

    i saw last christmas-super ready for the christmas season. thank you sk much for trying to research but i completely understand if i cant be helped lol

    julia

  17. Aaronsis
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    18 November 2019 in reply to justarando

    Hey Julia

    That is so great that you are getting ready for the Christmas period, what is on your wish list this year? It sounds like you really enjoyed the movie which is great, it does seem like a really beautiful movie.

    I have been doing a lot of talking with my friends and some of them have some great ideas and I still want to talk to a few more people, you are so worth it sweet girl and I want to give you as much info as I can so that you can choose some things that might help you. I want to do everything that I can to help you to see a beautiful girl and that the future is so bright for you.

    Hugs for you Julia

    Sarah

  18. justarando
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    24 posts
    20 November 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    hi sarah,

    i have no idea whats on my christmas list-christmas is more about seeing loved ones rather than gifts anyway so presents dont really matter much to me.

    julia

  19. Aaronsis
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    20 November 2019 in reply to justarando

    Hey Julia

    That is really beautiful and I am glad that you feel like that, spending time with loved ones far out ways any material thing that you can give someone. I hope my kids feel like you do one day, things like that, you cant teach people that sort of thing, you are a good egg and a very good human.

    Huge hugs for you J

    S

  20. Aaronsis
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    21 November 2019 in reply to justarando

    Hey Julia

    So I have been doing some thinking and I have been doing some talking and actually one of the girls I am chatting to here has done something that I think will be amazing for you to try, I hope you agree with me in the value of trying this little thing...ok..

    So what it is that it would be so wonderful if you could write a letter to yourself, no one will see it and no one will read it, it is just for you to put away and open later on, maybe next year. If you could write this letter from the view point of the third person and in this letter I want you to describe yourself, both inside and outside, it can only be positive things though and if you can't say something nice about yourself you can just acknowledge it..for example, you have really beautiful eyes....you could say that you like the colour of them instead if you can't say beautiful, or instead of saying "your smile can light up a room", you could say "you have a pretty smile"....I just want you to perhaps sit infront of the mirror and take some time to look at yourself and write about what you see as well as how you are feeling, it will be weird and maybe a little awkward but I think this will be a start for you to help you start to see each part of you and the beauty you have..both external and internal...you can say things like "Julia you have so much empathy and the way you care for others is wonderful".

    Even if this letter is a work in progress and you do it over a week or a month and then put it away and open it next year. Then when you reflect on this letter, I think something really wonderful is going to happen.

    I know this might sound weird but how would you feel about having a go at this?
    Looking forward to hearing what you think.

    Hugs

    Sarah

  21. justarando
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    26 November 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    hi sarah

    i accidentally forgot to post my reply to this thread. thank you, i will try and give that technique a try. i think it will mainly depend on if i can find anything i like about myself but ill try. thanks

    julia

  22. Aaronsis
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    27 November 2019 in reply to justarando

    Hey Julia

    Great to hear from you, no apologies here, chat when you feel you want to.

    I am so glad that you are going to try, that is all we can do in life is try and even if we fall down a few times that is totally fine, as long as we get back up.

    It will be tricky and weird for you but just try and embrace it, you may even start with something easy, like my fingernails are really pretty and the colour looks great on me. But just start, it could be the most wonderful journey for you. You don't just only have to write things about what positives you see and feel but you can also go down the path of "In the future you are going to do this XXX" and "I cannot wait until I get to feel the beach of my feet when I travel to XXX"...these are just some starters.

    I am so pleased that you have considered it, please don't think you have to write pages and get all bogged down, this is not a test and no pressure here..you may only start with one line...but you started.

    Hope today brings a smile to you Julia

    Hugs

    Sarah

  23. Aaronsis
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    2 December 2019 in reply to justarando

    Hi Julia

    I just wanted to stop in and say I am thinking of you and I hope you are doing well lovely girl.

    No pressure to respond, hopefully you are out there doing all sorts of fun stuff as the year comes to an end and Christmas is in sight.

    Hope to chat soon,

    Hugs

    Sarah

  24. justarando
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    4 December 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    hi sarah

    was a bit busy with school and stuff sorry. thanks for constantly checking up on me though

    julia

  25. Aaronsis
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    4 December 2019 in reply to justarando

    Hey Julia

    Great to chat to you and glad you have been doing some things to keep you busy. Hope that the year end is bringing lots of cool school things to do.

    Hope to chat soon.

    S xx