Once again I'd have to say I think you are wrong. It is not really you that is your enemy, it is simply the illness talking. I know, you will find that hard to believe, in fact unless you think about it for a while you would find it easier to discount what I say rather than take it seriously.
My depression, anxiety and PTSD fooled me completely into thinking everything that was wrong was my inadequacies, my fault. Those thoughts about myself seemed to me at the time to be completely genuine and reasonable (illness can be so convincing).
You believe the body (including the face) is the passport to a mate and happiness.
OK, you may not have the face or body you might like, as I said before I've no idea of your appearance.
I came to treasure, love and then marry and just as importantly stay with my first partner (sadly since passed away) for her kindness, understanding, capability, and for being fun to be with, plus I because could rely upon her absolutely. My previous expediences with a couple of more glamorous girlfriends had not worked.
My partners smile is my fondest memory of her, which is why I mentioned it to you before. It is also what first made me 'see' her among a whole bevy of her workmates.
Nothing wrong with trying for the fittest most healthy body you can. In some rare circumstances plastic surgery can be appropriate too. I don't know your situation but suspect it may not be quite as you perceive it.
Please forgive me for saying this however reading carefully what you say I suspect you are speaking from the point of view of both an unhappy background plus inexperience. "guys" is a vague generalization, "want a good body" is another. Good bodies fade in time - then what?
You, like everyone else, needs someone that values you the person. The person who has suffered, the person who has had to learn. The person that can offer understanding from her own trials. You have so much to give and only have to find one person out of he whole world that needs your giving and wants to give back.
It may take time perseverance and medical help to reach the stage where your thoughts leave you reasonably comfortable with you, but it is doable.
I'm not exaggerating, or distorting, just telling you the truth - I'm simply relating the changes in me (even though they were for other reasons they are the same changes)