A warm welcome to you anoncreate
I was saying to someone just the other day that it's so hard to get out of the habit of thinking. I do realise that sounds incredibly strange but it's kind of like a skill to be mastered, or should I say re-mastered.
I imagine there was a time in your life where you didn't think too much. Most of us have a pretty masterful life in this way when we're young. Then we start being taught how to think our way out of being our most authentic self. Suddenly we may find our self in a world of intense thinking, wondering 'How did I get here?' We can be left wondering how we stopped feeling our way through life instinctively. We can go from highly energetic, creative, imaginative active little folk to folk who have the imagination and energy zapped right out of us by those who use phrases such as 'Don't be so ridiculous. You just don't think, do you?! What's wrong with you?!' The list goes on.
Bit of a strange question but can you recall the last time you didn't think? Perhaps an idea popped into your head from out of nowhere and you just went with it, without thinking 'What would folk think if I did that?' Yes, lot of thinking based stuff here. It can be draining and overwhelming, a bit like depression.
Perhaps there's someone in your life you know who can help you remaster not thinking. Do you know a high vibing energetic person who loves to just instinctively go with the flow? If you know someone like this, you could ask them to help you with the soulful exercise of not being in 2 minds. You know when you feel 'Oh, I'd love to do that!' and then you begin thinking 'What would others think'. A high viber will help you focus in on being or feeling your natural self, the self that is positively fueled by imagination.
If you can, begin feeling more of your natural childlike self. I know this is hard to do in depression, I really do. I'd experienced the pain and torture of depression for many years myself in the past. You can start this with a simple exercise perhaps - look into the mirror and say 'Gee, you have beautiful eyes!' Don't think beyond that. You mention 'Sometimes i wonder if i wasn’t here would that just make me feel better because stressing about my life that feels so worthless is getting me nowhere.' Rephrasing this to read 'Sometimes I wonder if I (the thinker) wasn't here would that just make me feel better because thinking my way through life leads me to feel worth less. Thinking is getting me nowhere.'