hello - im thehauntisbeautiful
im a creative - a human who has always known who they are
but lately I've been losing that aspect to myself..
I was set on a username, a name to represent me for the longest time. I was happy - but the name involved my last name, and due to family issues with my fathers side - being associated with the name really brings me out of place.
To have used that username for years - to not use it, feels weird. but I almost don't want to use it anymore anyway.
I've tried a new username - and I do really like it. It still has similar aspects to the last but is a complete new name all together - not involving my birth names.
I do really like it - but now I feel like I'm letting my mums side of the family down. I feel the need to use my first and middle name - instead of creating a whole entire new name for myself.
Ever since I was a teenager, I would always be trying to create the right username, and I did - but I can't use it anymore - and now I am back to square one.
I feel like an idiot - since I changed all my social media platforms to my new username - and I might change it back to my original name and middle name.
I love my new name I've made for myself - but I also feel like its foreign and nobody will truly know its me.
letting my mums family down, by them seeing me not using my original name really hurts me.. I don't want that.
I am just so confused.
I look at other people all using their real names on social media and it makes me feel guilty for not using mine.
what do I do guys. I am so confused. identity is everything to me.