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Topic: I am new and would like advice on anxiety, and possibly depression.

16 posts, 0 answered
  1. B.O.
    B.O. avatar
    7 posts
    12 January 2019

    I am new to this community and this is my first thread. I would like some help dealing with anxiety and possibly depression.

    The rundown is that, I have a lot of daily anxiety, and possibly depression, though I am not sure about it. It feels like every single day I can't stop moving, and I worry about things that happened days, months and years ago. I will lie to avoid conflict and do everything to not get attention. I am heavily addicted to screens due to wanting to escape reality. Everything I do, I second-guess, an example being this post - with every sentence I think "Am I just being edgy? God, I don't really have a problem. I just want attention. Stop writing, nobody will care." Even though every post I have seen on this website is responded to kindly. The other day I could not find a drawing book (I am trying to take up drawing), and I could not. I ended up on the ground in a ball crying. A few minutes later I got up and just acted like nothing happened. I spend every day in my room on my laptop, which is (daily) around 14 hours since It is summer break for school.

    What I need is ways to not get rid of anxiety, but to prevent it from making be unable to do things that most people would. I need to be able to focus on things, and not just my sadness. I would also like to know IF I have depression, or if I am just feeling depressed.

    Thank you. -B

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Quercus
    Community Champion
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    Quercus avatar
    53 posts
    12 January 2019 in reply to B.O.

    Hello B and welcome to the forum family.

    You're right... This is a friendly place but that doesn't mean it isn't scary to make the first post. Even thousands of posts later I remember that first post hoping madly that I wouldn't be rejected or ignored. I hope this sets you at ease even a little.

    Spending school holidays anxious and upset is not my idea of fun either. Have you spoken to your family about seeing your GP before school returns? If you google beyondblue K10 checklist this will lead you to a standard depression/anxiety checklist which you can try. It isn't a diagnostic tool but a guide and you can print the results to show your parents (and doctor) to start the conversation.

    Even if the score is not too bad it is important to talk to a trusted adult and get some better supports in place for yourself.

    I know here in WA some of the mental health support agencies run holiday workshops targeting school aged people. It would be a good place to start finding out what support is in your area. You mentioned drawing and art therapy came to mind... Have you considered something like this to get you out and to learn some skills to distract yourself when distressed?

    I won't bombard you with questions... Just wanted to reassure you that you're very welcome to join in wherever you like. And also that the symptoms you mention do need to be checked so you can get the support you need.

    Lovely to meet you.

    Nat

    1 person found this helpful
  3. B.O.
    B.O. avatar
    7 posts
    12 January 2019 in reply to Quercus

    Nat-

    I do feel a little better and I will google the K10 checklist. I’ll work on the advice you gave me. Thanks :)

    -B

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Quercus
    Community Champion
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    Quercus avatar
    53 posts
    13 January 2019 in reply to B.O.

    Hi again B,

    It is such a boost seeing new members return to reply. Thank you.

    I hope the checklist helps you to feel able to start reaching out offline too. If you want to keep us updated we do want to know how you are holding up.

    Also... Others will reply in time ok. It might help you to introduce yourself in the social threads (especially the cafe for under 25s). That way you can find people who are also at school going through similar experiences. Do you think this might interest you?

    Hope today is even slightly easier for you.

    Nat

  5. White Rose
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    White Rose avatar
    264 posts
    13 January 2019 in reply to B.O.

    Dear B

    Hello and welcome to the forum. As Nat has said, this is a friendly place and it is also a safe place. No judgements here just a listening ear, or should that be an understanding eye.

    Firstly, scroll to the bottom of the page and look under The Facts where you will see the Anxiety and Depression Checklist. If you click on that you will go straight to the K10 checklist. You may want to repeat this checklist a couple of times in different circumstances. It's not a diagnostic tool but it will give you an indication of where you are.

    Worrying about how others see you is quite normal. It's how you see yourself that is important. Remembering incidents from your past and worrying about them is also normal. When it becomes a constant thought it is a problem. I think a better long term outcome would be when you can manage your life without getting bogged down by the past. We all make mistakes. I know that sounds like a cliché but it is true. We cannot go back and change the past and I know I would love to be able to do that.

    While you at the bottom of the page, have a look at the other topics such as Depression and Anxiety. There is a lot of useful information there which again may help you understand what is going on in your life. We do care about you and every person who posts on this forum. I doubt that you are attention seeking, not when you have insight into your thoughts and behaviours. It is vital for everyone to learn about themselves which is where the BB information comes in.

    Unfortunately we cannot tell you if you are depressed or anxious though I believe you have some frailties in those areas. We are not doctors. What we do is support others making the journey towards improved mental health by talking about the pitfalls, triggers, our own experiences. You will find many threads with comments such as "when this happened to me" 'I felt the same way as you" plus the all-embracing "I don't know what to do". It is a difficult time for many people and teenagers are quite vulnerable in this respect.

    I agree with Nat about having a chat with your GP. If you are depressed then the sooner you start working on it the better. Your GP is a great place to start. Book a double appointment and take along the K10 checklists you have completed.

    Please keep posting here. Any information you want to reveal is good as it helps in getting a better picture of you.

    Mary

    1 person found this helpful
  6. B.O.
    B.O. avatar
    7 posts
    14 January 2019 in reply to White Rose

    Nat and Mary -

    Thanks for your responses, I'm feeling more confident. I'm not 100% better of course, but at least I know what to do instead of just feeling upset. I understand that both of you are not doctors but you have done a bloody good job of showing me where to start on my, 'path,' if you could call it that. I was actually surprised to get multiple people respond to my thread haha. I feel more open.

    Thank you.

    -B

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Mitchy1967
    Mitchy1967 avatar
    1 posts
    14 January 2019 in reply to B.O.

    Hey B, You are definatley not alone. I feel for you. I think of things from years back and try not to dwell on them. But being an overthinker it is soooo hard not to. I also suffer depression which doesn't help with the anxiety either. There are mornings when I wake up and could just stay in bed all day, but I get up and get myself dressed and head into work. But there is always a day every month that I just cannot face the world and just want to stay where I am safe and away from everyone. My work are fantastic as I have explained what I have and they are so understanding. I sometimes feel I don't want to tell my family as I think I am a burden to them, but without my husband and daughter (who also suffers social anxiety) I would truly be lost. I have a friend who suffers anxiety realy bad and I often check in with her to have a chat as she truly underdstands me as she suffers it as well. I only wish you the best and please reach out at anytime when you are feeling down or need to talk. Go see your doctor and explain to him or her the way you are feeling and I am sure that they will help you as well. My doctor is fantastic and it has taken me a lot of years to find a good doctor.

    Always here if you need someone.

    Michelle xxx

    1 person found this helpful
  8. White Rose
    Community Champion
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    White Rose avatar
    264 posts
    14 January 2019 in reply to B.O.

    Glad you found our responses helpful. I suspect you being surprised at these posts stems from your loss of self confidence. We try to answer every new post within a short time and carry on the conversation with the poster until they feel strong and able to manage alone.

    I see you talk about school holidays which may indicate you are a student but you sound a little older than that. No need to reveal you age if you prefer not, just to know that you are at school or uni and presumably live at home with mom and dad. It does help with our replies.

    Worrying about the past is a habit most of us have. Not very helpful as it keeps us feeling inadequate and often ashamed of the things that happened then. Trying to push these memories away sounds like a good idea but it is exhausting and the memories will resurface. Trying to hold back the sea when the tide is coming in. And like the tide, our feelings overwhelm us.

    Instead of fighting the memories can you sit quietly for half an hour and think about one specific incident. Do not beat yourself up about it, simply look at it as though you are watching a play from the audience. See what is happening, what you and others do and say. Importantly try to see what assumptions you made. See if you can discover why you reacted as you did. (This is also useful for good memories). Most importantly think if your response was reasonable. We assume guilt but it's often not the case. We do hold ourselves to high standards then get cross when we do not reach them.

    We tend to blame ourselves because the other person/people cannot be at fault. Breaking news! We are all fallible including the people we live and work with. Yes we are at fault at times and these times can be embarrassing. A friend of mine once wrote to me to say sorry for something that had happened many years ago. So long ago that I had no memory of the incident. She had stewed about this for years in the way you describe your memories.

    Consider if the whatever was bad enough to cause this distress. We all make these mistakes and need to apologise but then move on. Pick out the reason you are so distressed and try to look at it objectively. Was there any malice? Did you lose your temper? Was it a deliberate hurt? I suspect none of these reasons applies. It caused you some pain for whatever reason and now it is time to heal. Be gentle to yourself, accept the mistake and see what you can take away from all this. Much more constructive and far less exhausting.

    Mary

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Nonablu
    Nonablu avatar
    1 posts
    14 January 2019

    Hi B!

    You sound a lot like me. I only made my first post here a few days ago, and really it was the first time I've ever reached out.

    It can be so so hard to judge for yourself how 'bad' your anxiety is, because one part of you might be saying "this can't be normal, I can't go on like this" but another part is saying "you just need to suck it up, you're being weak". I get it. I've even done multiple anxiety quizzes and they all come back saying I score highly for anxiety, but I'll still think "well maybe I was being a bit dramatic when I answered the questions, maybe I misrepresented myself". It's hard to know what's normal and our judgement gets obscured when we suffer from things like anxiety and depression.That's why professionals exist to help us!

    There's really only criteria that matters: is your life being negatively affected by this? It sounds like the answer is certainly yes. I'm working on building up the courage to see a doctor about it, I invite you to do the same with me :) remember doctors have seen it all, they aren't going to laugh at you or make fun of you. They only want to help.

    Best of luck.

    2 people found this helpful
  10. B.O.
    B.O. avatar
    7 posts
    16 January 2019 in reply to Nonablu

    Mitch, Rose, and Non,

    I am actually quite surprised so many people are responding. It’s a little unnerving but also makes me feel happy that there are people that help others.

    To give insight on my situation, to be frank, it is a little sticky. I have a very low self-esteem (which I heard is common in teens). My friends know I am depressed but I did not really tell them the extent of how much it affects my day to day life. My parents know nothing about my anxiety or depression, and I am terrified of telling them, but I’m not sure why. I don’t have a doctor because I never really thought I needed one. I speak in a more mature fashion online. I am in grade 9 (as of 2019).

    All of your posts really resonated, but Nonablu’s post stuck out. I overthink things every day and I feel like I can never forget about every bad thing I do, which makes me terrified of ‘messing up relationships’ I don’t think about my feelings and whenever somebody brings it up I try to change the subject, because I do not like to talk about myself.

    As a response to White Rose’s post, I will try the advice you gave me, though it won’t happen straight away since I am bad at routine.

    Again thank you everybody for helping me, it is truly appreciated.

    -B.

  11. Anxious 1
    Anxious 1 avatar
    1 posts
    16 January 2019 in reply to B.O.

    Hi there,

    Sounds like the best thing for you is seeing your Gp and sharing what you are going through and they can help work out a plan on getting you through your struggles with anxiety/depression. I was going through anxiety daily which started about 6/7 months ago, i tried everything natural- counselling, naturopaths, kinesiologist which all were helpful, but in the end they were only short term solutions and got advised from family to see Gp about meds... i did not want to take meds but you get to a point where you think its gotta be better than dealing with this anxiety daily. Im on my 3rd werk atm but will see my gp in 2 weeks about this is the right meds for me or trying something else.

    Basically seeing your Gp and talking to someone you trust to go with you will be first step in getting support with this,

    hope this helps!

  12. B.O.
    B.O. avatar
    7 posts
    16 January 2019 in reply to Anxious 1

    Anxious 1 -

    Thank you for your advice on my issue. I won't be taking medication, though. I, too, am trying different methods to try to tone down my anxiety. I hope that one of my methods (Routine, hobbies, meditation, ect) Will work for me as talking to trusted ones helped you. I appreciate your advice, thank you.

    -B

  13. smallwolf
    Community Champion
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    smallwolf avatar
    95 posts
    16 January 2019 in reply to B.O.

    Hi B.O.,

    I understand that you might be scared to tell your parents, but I suspect they might have an inkling something is not quite right and waiting for you to talk to them? Or is it a case that you know they do not believe in mental illnesses?

    Ultimately, whether you try to go it alone and do it yourself, or seek help from a professional is your choice. And if you want to do it yourself, you might want to find the threads on the forum for grounding and mindfulness.

    One book that I also think is worth reading is called "the happiness trap". It was recommended to me by my psych, and you should be able to find a copy of it at your library. You can also download app called the act companion that comes with the book to help you with mindfulness.

    If nothing else, there are two things to remember when it comes to distraction and coping tools...

    (1) the first is patience. Give each "tool" a chance to work before dismissing. (I have an app called virtual hope box with a word search puzzle. Doing it once, it did nothing for me. I had to do it 5 times straight after each other, before I noticed any change in me.)

    (2) a tool that works for one person might not work for you and vice versa. If one tool does not work, move onto the next one until you find one or some that work for you.

    Lastly, if you do a meditation, and your mind wanders, that is also OK. Just bring your focus back on whatever the meditation is asking. These things all take time and practice. You will get there, and remember that you are not alone.

    But if at any point you feel that you are not coping then getting help from a professional is OK. You might also find writing your thoughts here helpful. And then at some point, you might find the courage (?) to tell your parents? And I am sure they do care about how you feel?

    Peace and comforting thoughts,

    Tim

  14. B.O.
    B.O. avatar
    7 posts
    20 January 2019 in reply to smallwolf

    SmallWolf -

    I think a family member has that book lying around. I will take a look at it. I will also download the app that you suggested. As for meditation, I have tried doing a routine of it and it has not worked, with is understandable. I think me telling my parents will take a lot of time but I appreciate your help.

    Thanks,

    -B

  15. smallwolf
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    95 posts
    21 January 2019 in reply to B.O.

    Hi,

    If it helps to write your thought here.

    You can also read a lot of that book on google books as well.

    And as far as meditation is concerned, two things...

    (1) you will get some ideas from the book if you get to read it

    (2) if something does not work for you, that is OK. Try something else and find what works for you

    (3) the virtual hope box has some guided meditations. All you have to do is listen, and then let your imagination do the work. They only go for about 4min. In the app, you might be going to the beach, into the forest, things like that.

    Very last thing... check out the thread titled "three things to be thankful for today". You will get some ideas on positives. Otherwise check out gratitude journal ideas.

    Tim

  16. B.O.
    B.O. avatar
    7 posts
    22 January 2019 in reply to smallwolf

    SmallWolf-

    All right, I'll check out the thread.

    Thanks,

    -B