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Topic: I've been disowned

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Loopus
    Loopus  avatar
    1 posts
    3 May 2015
    I've been disowned at age 18. Although I'm now an adult and I guess it is t really being disowned I still feel abandoned. I have a weird relationship with my mother, she is the kind of person that lashes out and attacks people when she's hurt and thus I can't keep a relationship with her anymore as she's just too toxic to have around if she doesn't want to seek help
  2. Zeal
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Zeal avatar
    360 posts
    3 May 2015 in reply to Loopus

    Hi Loopus,

    I'm sorry to hear about this. From your description, it does sound like your mother is very complex and unpredictable. Are there other people you can turn to for support, such as a father, siblings, aunties, uncles, cousins, or close friends? I know no one can take the role of your mother or provide a substitute for that type of support. However, there is almost always someone to reach out to. Be kind and appreciative towards anyone who is there for you and listens to what you have to say. You deserve to have people around who you can trust.

    So, do you now live out of home on your own? I am 22 and I still live at home. Even though you are legally an adult, it's understandable that you feel abandoned by your mother's actions. No matter your age, being mistreated or neglected by a parent is difficult.

    I hope you are able to connect with others. Hopefully I'll hear from you again :)

    SM

  3. Doolhof
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Doolhof avatar
    369 posts
    5 May 2015 in reply to Loopus

    Hi Loopus,

    Welcome to the community here at Beyond Blue.

    I'm sorry to read your story, so many of us seem to have difficult relationships with our parents one way or another!

    The main thing is that you are currently in a safe place. As SM asked, I hope you have other people to help and support you.

    Please look after yourself and find wise people to seek help from. At your age, it is so easy to seek help and assistance from the "Wrong" kind of people and to be led astray quite easily. I'm talking from experience.

    I'm 50 and still have a strained relationship with my Mum. I have wanted to love her my whole life. Now I am older, I realise she had a lousy childhood and suffered greatly. She was not given the help and assistance she needed, so Mum has done the best she could do with the so little help she received.

    Some people find it very difficult to accept they have a problem and that they may be the cause of hurt in others. I am sure my Mum has no idea how much terrible pain and hurt she has caused over the decades.

    If it is mentioned to her, even in the most kindest way, it is like I am being the worst person who ever walked on this earth and how dare I make up those lies!

    So, I just love my Mum anyway, take the good with the bad and try not to let the hurt I feel sink in.

    My heart goes out to you, I hope you are able to find a sense of peace in all of this and that you may be bale to find a kind and caring person to guide you along the way.

    Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools (Lauren)

     

     

  4. Tweet-Heart
    Tweet-Heart avatar
    1 posts
    3 February 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    I know this is an old thread but I just wanted to share my story about being disowned and completely abandoned by my own family. It is so painful and distressing.

    I was kicked out of home by my Mum, Dad and two younger siblings. My other sibling who lives interstate played a big part in convincing my parents to kick me out. I was homeless for two months and only now am in an insecure sub-letting situation.

    I did not do anything to warrant being kicked out without having nowhere to go. They didn't care about this they also know how sick I have been for the past few years having been in hospital 6 times in 3 years due to my mental health.

    I have never lived out of home before and do not have independent living skills. I am a NDIS participant and on Newstart.

    What hurts even more is that it is bad enough being kicked out of home but they are not there at all to support me. My Dad has called me occasionally but only to tell me not to speak to anyone in the Lebanese community about what has happened. Basically, he is trying to control and emotionally abuse me by trying to intimidate me into not talking to anyone. My Dad has abused me over the years in so many ways, he has abused me physically, emotionally, financially.

    I tried asking my Dad for help with practical things like washing, helping me with food and he makes empty promises saying he will help but he never comes through there is always an excuse. I can't deal with that anymore. I don't appreciate my father saying he will help and then not helping.

    I went on facebook and saw that my Mum, Dad and two younger siblings are having a family dinner at a Lebanese restaurant, that really hurts to think they don't want to include me. It hurts because I haven't been able to eat, drink, shower or do any washing due to my severe anxiety and depression. I haven't had a proper meal in weeks and they know that.

    When I was stuck because I needed to wash and dry my bed sheet, I asked my Uncle if I could go and use this washer and dryer, that got back to his brother my Dad and my Dad told me to go to a laundrymat and not bother my Uncle.

    My Dad previously promised he would come to visit and bring me home cooked meals every night and that hasn't happened either.

    How am I going to survive this pain? I don't have any friends or partner. I am completely alone.