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Topic: I'm so confused right now, and i want other peoples thoughts.

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. ricebowl
    ricebowl avatar
    2 posts
    18 February 2019

    So basically i am 17 and i am still in high school, it all started off at the starting off 2018 where i done a bunch of weed with one of my friends.. from that day forward i never felt like the same person ever again, i started to have chest issues and i was stressing more than usual and i was experiencing extreme anxiety, to the point where i was scared to go watch a movie with my friends because i thought i would have a heart attack because of the loud sounds (i know sounds stupid), everything was adding up to my stress, i was doing bad in school due my head being a constant fog and my concentration was terrible as well, my own family played an enormous part in my stress, not because they weren't supportive (i do love my mother, she tries really hard to support us) but me and my older brother would always fight and every time he was around me i would just crumble into a dark pit of misery, I just could never EVER get close with my brother, for some reason i just want to be as far away from him as possible, to the point where i don't want to ever see his face again, and i am not feeling this way because of hatred but because of the absolute fear that i will end up like him... sad, depressed, and miserable. I thought my life would never be the same.

    So around the mid 2018 mark i started to notice something, nothing around me felt real, i started to get paranoid over the fact that everything around me was a either a simulation or I entered an alternate universe or something (paranoia is a scary thing), but after i while i was told that because of the massive amount of stress i was under my brain wanted a way out, so the only way it could do that was by locking itself in a cage, basically i was feeling this way because my brain had enough and wanted to escape. So this took a long time to recover on but we now reach the starting of 2019 when i finally think my life is coming back together again and I'm at the point where i am finally at peace with myself and my thoughts. That's until me and family found out that my brother is now suffering with cancer, this is so hard for me to handle because he thinks I am the only rational person he could talk to (because of the chemo he has suffered some manic episodes), the weird thing is, is the fact that i feel as though i feel nothing anymore, just yesterday my brother sad on his bed and cried in agony and i didn't even know what to feel. I wasn't angry, i wasn't happy, i wasn't sad....I just don't know anymore.

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    457 posts
    18 February 2019 in reply to ricebowl

    Hi, welcome

    I don't know if I have the answers for you. A GP visit alone would be ideal if you can swing it.

    The taking of the weed might not be the reason for your odd vacant feelings. It could be a growing up factor. It certainly might be conclusive that that is to blame. Be open minded about that. The time frame could be coincidental. I assume you don't take it anymore and that is a good thing. Life can be so rewarding as to not follow others down that route.

    As your brother now has cancer you cannot do anything to help him except basically being there and even then, as you don't see eye to eye, it wont help much. So your feeling of emptiness is understandable as you are handcuffed in what you can do. That leaves you with guilt but life will throw things at you unexpectedly now and then and you will be limited. Try to accept that. You are a human after all not superhuman.

    I'm wondering if there is any way you can arrange for separate rooms or move to a relatives place? Absence makes the heart grow fonder so you might end up closer down the track.


    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  3. ricebowl
    ricebowl avatar
    2 posts
    19 February 2019 in reply to white knight
    Yes i completely stopped weed and I will never touch any kind of drug in my entire lifetime as they 100% do not sit well with me and my mentality. A separate room sounds like a dream, it would relieve me from so much stress, however we live in a 2 bedroom apartment so that is not happening any time soon, but i don't want it to seem like my mother treats me badly, its just my mother and brother are two of the most negative people i know, and sometimes as positive as i try to say i am and try to stay, they rub off on me terribly. Thank you so much for the answer. And yes i completely agree with that last statement because my sister is currently living on her own and she seems so much happier that she is away from us. I envy her.
  4. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    457 posts
    19 February 2019 in reply to ricebowl

    Thanks for replying.

    Ironically I never got on well with my older brother. He was one reason I joined the RAAF, yes at 17yo

    I had an adult wage, free medical, cheap accommodation and meals, had adventute, friends and had opportunities to get a trade and further education.

    Worth some thought.

    TonyWK