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Topic: I'm scared to be happy

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. moonriver
    moonriver avatar
    1 posts
    7 July 2020

    Hi there! Like most people on here, I'm new to this too - so hopefully I make sense.

    I'm scared to be happy because every time I'm convinced that things are going to be alright, something is just waiting around the corner to ruin everything. I can't remember the last time I felt happy for more than a day, or for even a few hours. Subconsciously, I find myself intentionally being melancholic and unhappy so that I don't get overly disappointed when things turn bad again. The same goes for relationships with people.

    Sure, I have my good moments, but the bad moments always seem to last longer.

    (Another thing,) People constantly deem me as the "sweet and nice girl", but every time they define me in that image, I feel like I don't deserve that title. In the past, some of my friends called me out for being a liar - and it really stuck with me. I told the biggest lies to my religious friends, which were always about me attending church every Sunday, which wasn't always true. I've also been an awful friend, where I took my friends for granted a lot.
    I'm definitely not proud of this, there are so many other lies and distrusting things I've done, and each time someone calls me the 'nice girl', I think of all these things. Sometimes I try so hard to be myself around others, that I think I'm actually losing myself instead.

    Personally, I've hesitated to reach out because everything's probably just a matter of hormones. Anyway, I'm not sure if any of this made sense, and I'm sorry this is so long.

    Thank you for reading, reader :)

  2. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    blondguy avatar
    10476 posts
    8 July 2020 in reply to moonriver

    Hi Moonriver

    Welcome to the forums and good on you for having the courage to post too!

    From what you have posted above....I see a strong and proactive person. Some people that criticize us can be envious of our qualities.....Its always easy for others to pass judgement. I also had the same comments from my friends when I was young....and yes it can hurt for sure....You are not alone

    There are a lot of gentle people that can be here for you moonriver and you are always welcome to post back if you wish!

    Our friends at kidshelpine are a huge help too..they provide kind assistance for young people up to 25. All calls are private, confidential and caring. They have a 24/7 contact number..1800 55 1800 (no cost..all volunteers)

    They also have dedicated email counselling too....available between 8am - 10pm daily. Link is below...

    counsellor@kidshelpline.com.au

    your post is very well written and made perfect sense....you are amazing :-)

    I hope you can let us know your thoughts

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

  3. White Rose
    Community Champion
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    White Rose avatar
    6190 posts
    8 July 2020 in reply to moonriver

    Dear moonriver

    Hello and welcome to the forum. I understand what you written and it makes sense. I doubt you can put it all down to hormones. As we get older we do experience changes in our lives and yes our bodily changes can create difficulties. It's all very normal.

    Telling lies is not the recommended thing to do but it does mean you are a member of the human race. I very much doubt anyone can say they have never told a lie.

    Do you know why you feel you must lie about going to church or other actions? Having been given the title 'sweet and nice girl' perhaps you feel you must live up to that expectation and/or you are afraid some of your friends will not like you. That's normal. We all want to be liked and have friends. What it means for you is that you need to think for a second before you answer someone's question. People will like or dislike you because you are you and you are unique. If you had no friends I would wonder why but that is not the case.

    We do take our friends for granted because they are friends. It depends of course on the way you take them for granted but if someone told you they had taken their friends for granted in the same way you feel you have done, what would you say to them. Honestly now. Have you lost friends because you have had expectations of them?

    I hope that helps. Please continue to post in here.

    Mary

    At the start of your post you said you were scared of being happy because something always happened to cut short your happiness. Again this is normal. We are not happy all of the time. Maybe we are content with our lives but happiness is hard work and uses a lot of energy. No one is happy in that 'in your face' manner. Something can happen that plunges you into sadness or at the very least stops that very happy feeling. This is also the reason why we are not extremely happy for long periods. As humans we do not do happiness that well.

    The sad part is as you say, sad for longer periods than we are happy. Can you keep a journal of when you are happy and the reason and also when you are sad and the reason. Also put the length of time you feel happy or sad. I suspect the sad times will be no longer than the good times. Remind yourself when you are sad, of the happy times. It definitely helps to push the sadness to one side.

  4. Aphador
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Aphador avatar
    50 posts
    8 July 2020 in reply to moonriver

    Hi Moonriver! :)

    Firstly I'd just like to say: awesome name! Welcome to the forums, I hope you feel like you can continue to share your feelings on here :)

    I'd like you to know that I experienced both of these things when I was younger (a couple of years ago).

    I used to think it was a fact of life that 'bad times' follow 'good times' (and vice-versa) in a way that sort of continually seeks equilibrium. When something AMAZING would happen to me, I would expect something terrible to be around the corner. Like you, I would intentionally attempt to make myself unhappy, as to avoid more troubled times. Writing it down like that, it seems like a paradox! We make ourselves unhappy to avoid... unhappiness? I do know what you mean though- I felt the same way. I have since changed my line of thinking, however, and can accept happiness when it comes :)

    I was (and still am) labelled as 'nice,' and I guess you could say I liked that label. I did feel guilty, though- even though I tried my best to uphold that label of myself. Sometimes I thought that my friends were in on some joke... or something. Almost unconsciously, I would take people for granted without taking the time to listen to them or would lie to people. Not bad stuff, but when I would think about it later, I would feel guilty. That wasn't the kind of image I was trying to uphold for myself! Funnily, I remember talking to a friend about it once, and they looked at me, confused! They told me that they did not see me that way.

    I hope it has helped to hear my story. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask! I am happy to help. I hope you feel like you can continue to share here.

    Nice to meet you :)
    A :)

  5. White Rose
    Community Champion
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    White Rose avatar
    6190 posts
    10 July 2020 in reply to moonriver

    Hello Moonriver

    How are you going? I dropped by to say hello again. What do you think of the replies you have received? I hope they are helpful.

    I would love to hear from you again.

    Mary