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Topic: I'm fat, I know it, and I hate it.

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. paiigeisgone
    paiigeisgone avatar
    3 posts
    8 May 2018

    I'm 13 years old, going on 14 this year, and I'm overweight. and I'm not just saying this because i want people to say that i'm not, because i actually am. my parents try not to point it out and make it obvious but you can tell. my mum will always say "stop eating so much, you'll turn into an oompa-loompa" and i know it's just a joke but it hurts. i try eating as healthy and as little as possible to lose weight but every time i try to do this my mum will question everything and get up all in my business. i try to exercises as much as possible (like walking to and from school each day, doing loads of quiet exercises in my room) but i'm still obese. it makes my self-esteem even lower when i see girls from my school post photos of themselves half-naked, and i spend hours on end comparing and wishing i had their perfect bodies. i'm classified as the funny one in my friend group so i don't talk about any of my home life or my feelings, but every time i do try to give hints on how i'm feeling they dont seem to care anyway. i dont tell my parents either because then they talk to me frequently about it and it makes me feel uncomfortable (they're those parents that snoop and try to know everything about me so i dont really trust them at all either). i am so scared about people making fun of me about my weight that i constantly (i mean ALWAYS) wear a zipped up jacket. i wear it so often that i think its unhealthy because it's very hot where i live and it restricts me from doing a lot of activities because i sweat a lot (also i have something called rosacea and it make your skin really red so you can tell if i've been doing any physical activity by just looking at my face) and whenever i forget my jacket on the way to school, my parents wont let me go back and get it and i end up being really insecure for the whole day or i'll go up to the office and try to borrow one (on a very rare occasion when its very, very cold though because the office lady thinks i dont need one and doesnt let me have it).

    overall, i just can't stand being this weight. it kills me because i'll never have enough confidence to get a personal trainer or nutritionist and i feel like i'll be this way forever and no one will ever love me because i'm fat and ugly. this was a lot to write because i've never told anyone this and i felt like i should say it all but sorry for bothering you with all this writing.

    3 people found this helpful
  2. PamelaR
    Community Champion
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    PamelaR avatar
    65 posts
    9 May 2018 in reply to paiigeisgone

    Hello paiigeisgone

    Welcome to Beyond Blue forums. I am very pleased you've found your way here. You sound very upset for a 13 year old. By the way, you are not bothering us at all by writing here. That's what the forums are for. So good on you for being able to write about yourself so clearly.

    The media and social media is so full of images of the 'perfect' body. It bears little to reality. There is no 'perfect' body. Everyone comes in different shapes and sizes. But at the age of 13, this is magnified for you because you are starting to become a teenager. So everything matters, especially size.

    It doesn't sound like you are able to talk to your mum or dad about how you are feeling. Am I right? Do you have a grandma or aunt you can talk to? It is really important that you do. At 13, you are changing. The story you tell yourself about how ugly and fat you think you are, is just that a story. Possibly something you've heard someone else say to tell you. It does not mean that it is true.

    My thoughts are it is very important that you talk with someone about how you are feeling. Whether you go to a school counsellor or contact one of the organisations for kids, e.g. -

    eHeadspace 1800 650 890

    Kids Helpline 1800 551 800

    BB support service 1300 224 636

    I'm not a young person, nor do I have children. So I am hoping there are others on the forum who can help you out here.

    My thoughts are with you at this difficult stage of life.

    Look forward to hearing from you.

    Kind regards

    PamelaR

    4 people found this helpful
  3. Jack1999
    Jack1999 avatar
    3 posts
    14 May 2018 in reply to paiigeisgone
    Hey, I'm 19 and I completely understand your pain, I'm a guy so the half topless stuff doesn't really apply to me but I get you, I always wear a jumper around, always the same one. I also sweat a bunch and I understand what you mean by it almost being dangerous wearing it especially when it's hot, I'm going through the point in my life right now where I feel like no one will love me but im completely willing to be in a relationship, I understand what it's like with the jokes, my parents say them to me too, it builds up sometimes where I just say stop it but they insist they are joking and play the "well you make jokes about us too so its fine" but they don't understand that the jokes I make about them aren't things that are actually wrong with them. I guess what I'm trying to say is you're not alone, Im going through it all too. If there is any helpful advice I can give you it would be to just try and be yourself even though it might be hard, because you'll suss out all the fake people from the real, and don't be ashamed or scared to get a gym membership. It's daunting at first but the personal trainers don't care about how you look they just want to focus on making you a better you. Hope this helped in some way!
    4 people found this helpful
  4. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    394 posts
    17 May 2018 in reply to paiigeisgone

    Hi paiigeisgone,

    Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here. It sounds like it was a pretty big leap for you to post here so I'm glad that you did it anyway. You showed up. That's not an easy thing to do.

    It's nice to meet you too Jack1999!

    Reading your post was kind of hard because I was able to relate to it so much - even wearing jackets when it's not needed. Wearing jackets in hot weather is seriously no fun. I can really see how much you are struggling with it.

    So with that said, my advice/tips is this - fat does not mean bad. Fat is another word for adipose tissue, and if you are fat (or overweight/obese) you just happen to have more of it than other people. That's it.

    Sometimes I wished that I was born in a different era - where fat was considered beautiful instead of ugly, and the desire was to be fat instead of thin. But that's the reality of our society right now - where all of a sudden a bit of weight is supposed to dictate your life, your happiness, whether you'll be loved, how beautiful you are and how worthy you are.

    Spoiler alert: it doesn't. Because there's no number on the scale that can show you those things.

    Here's an image that kind of resonated with me and I hope it resonates with you too - https://i.pinimg.com/564x/64/39/45/6439457814358b4e2efff52eab5ad11a.jpg

    Hope this helps a little,

    1 person found this helpful
  5. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    141 posts
    17 May 2018 in reply to paiigeisgone

    Paige and waves to Jack,

    when I read your post and jacks it really moves me as I have been struggling with weight issue most of my life .

    I read some where that you may have some fat but you are not fat. Don't let your weight define you. You are exercising and eating healthily.

    i use to wear very flowing clothes , I suppose the jacket of my era. My family said I looked like I was in a tent.

    Romantic had many helpful suggestions.

    One thing I have realised over the years is that I am my worst shaker and critic. Sure people including family can say unpleasant things but for me I would put myself own harsher and more often than anyone else. Can anyone relate to that.

    Over time I decided if I could not accept myself how could others.

    Paige you are doing helpful things like walking and eating well.

    Thanks for your honesty. You have helped others by writing your post.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Summer Rose
    Valued Contributor
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    Summer Rose avatar
    56 posts
    19 May 2018 in reply to paiigeisgone

    Hi Paiigeisgone

    I'm sorry that you're feeling so down right now. I can remember feeling the same way when I was your age and I know how much it hurts. I wanted to be like the skinny girls at high school more than anything else in the world but it wasn't going to be. I had a body shape and frame that just wouldn't cooperate.

    My mum taught me to focus on being healthy and this is what I've taught my children. If you have a healthy lifestyle the rest will fall into place, as much as is possible.

    You're very young, so it might pay to learn a bit more about what "healthy eating" really means. The best person to talk to about this is your GP. At some stage you could think about asking mum to come and talk with the doctor too, given she likely buys the food and does most of the cooking.

    I really liked Jack's idea about joining a gym. If that's too daunting maybe your parents would be willing to buy you a treadmill. I did this for my daughter and we put it in the garage, so she can exercise safely at night (she likes to jog and I didn't want her running around the neighborhood in the dark). We later added a punching bag.

    Exercise is a great building block for a healthy lifestyle. So is drinking plenty of water and getting adequate sleep.

    Focus on your health and there will be many benefits to your life.

    Kind thoughts to you

    2 people found this helpful
  7. CA995
    CA995 avatar
    1 posts
    30 March 2019
    I am 13 and going on 14 next month. Every time I look in the mirror, see an ugly, overweight girl. I hate myself everyday because of it. Everyday at school I feel like everyone is staring at me and that I don’t belong. I cry myself to sleep and I have never told anyone about it, until now....
  8. rhianna.jn
    rhianna.jn avatar
    1 posts
    13 April 2019 in reply to CA995

    Hi CA995.

    I understand exactly how you feel about yourself. When I was your age, I started putting on a little weight and became self-conscious about my body, especially my legs. I’m now 22 and I still hate the way they look.

    What I’ve learnt growing up is that people will stare, they will judge you. Unfortunately, that’s just how some people are. But what’s even worse is when we become our biggest critic. The key to you feeling better about yourself is to learn to love the good things about you. I’m sure they’re are plenty!

    Try not to focus too much about your physical appearance. Occupy your mind with things that you enjoy doing and most importantly, with people who will support you unconditionally.

    I have suffered from depression and anxiety for years and learning to accept yourself is hard and takes time. But with persistence you will learn that the negative opinions of others are irrelevant, and the act of self-love is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

    That said, would you enjoy going for a walk everyday? This could help with your weight issues if they’re truly bothering you, but also helps to free the mind and helps you to relax.

    If you need to chat, feel free to keep messaging me. I more than happy to help and offer you advice!

    Kind regards,

    Rhianna :)

  9. Sky O
    Sky O avatar
    5 posts
    22 April 2019

    Hi Paiigeisgone,

    To put it bluntly, it must suck to feel that way :( I have a few suggestions, hope they help!

    - Being 'fat' isn't inherently negative at all! The 'perfect, slender body' is just another trend that will end some day, and it's an ideal comprised of a bunch of peoples' opinions. If you're worried about others judging you because of your weight, that means that they're shallow and small-minded. Why would you care about their opinions when they have a brain the size of a pea? They're the ones with the problem, not you.
    Don't beat yourself up about it.

    - I agree, it would be great if you could go to a gym if you'd like to become fitter. Nobody will care about what you look like in there - if anything, they'll be thinking about what other people think of them!

    Keep going strong!

    - Sky